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GASHWOUND

Is infidelity ‘natural’ for men?

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Guest hotsoxchick1
Problem is Roman said they were growing apart I do believe. The more I think about it, the more I think he should tell her. It's all up to him.

yes he should.. why live with it on his mind for the rest of his time on earth.... they are probably growning apart because of joe....joe figuring if he kept them apart it would never come out???? just tryin to get on their level of thinking here... but romans best bet is to tell the truth...... ;)

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Why ya despise Joe some much. I see what you are saying with talking to her. Ya say in one of the posts she got thin (he wouldn't like her if she got chubby again or something like that). I think she is just looking to fit in. She may have felt a lil less than attractive than before, and now she gets attention from a guy and she jumps at the chance. Keep making new friends, that'll really help in the long run. Are ya looking for a relationship, not nessecarily just with her?

Because Joe is a user. He only shows up when it benefits him. And Jane has no problem fitting in. Shes hot and she always was, Joes full of s*** on that. Shes extremely social. She just doesnt see that Joe is using her too...

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Are you crazy? If she is head over heals for him, she will not see it. She will only say you are trying to break them up. Obviously the best thing to do is to tell her, but it has consequences. You can not say anything, and just keep that inside aslong as you two are friends, or tell her. If she hates you for it, ya did the right thing. It's up to ya man.

I think that probably would be what Id get. Jane would suspect Im jealous and Joe would hate it if he found out. I dont really care because hes no longer my friend, but I dont want to make any enemies...

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yes he should.. why live with it on his mind for the rest of his time on earth.... they are probably growning apart because of joe....joe figuring if he kept them apart it would never come out???? just tryin to get on their level of thinking here... but romans best bet is to tell the truth...... ;)

I think you may be right hsc. Joe might be trying to keep me out of the circle. Recently he has gone out with Jane, my sister and the one in the group who I am now probably best friends with. They dont even try to invite me. This pisses me off because except for Joe and my new best friend, all those people know eachother because of me. Joe never asked Jane for her number, I gave it to her out of the goodness of my heart. The day Joe saw Jane for the first time since ninth grade, that was at my house. Without me, none of these people ever meet. I think Joe realizes that Im dangerous to his relationship with Jane and the less I see her the better. Unfortunately for him, I get my license soon and I have Janes number so I can talk to her anytime I please, plus Im in a few of her classes. He can try all he wants, but he cant keep us apart. If I want to tell her, I will...

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All I can say about this cheating question is this: Men (and women.... men have to have someone to cheat WITH) usually find someway of justifying their actions, but in the long run find out, justifiably so or not, that it's not worth it. The best bet is to just end the relationship before crossing that bridge.

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you answered your own question right there roman, with the superficial relationship comment... if shes head over heals about this joe and he doesnt feel the same then tell her.....she is your friend afterall.....it wont ruin your karma any because its the truth....... ;) karma only gets f***ed up when you lie.....

Karma bites you in the ass when you stick your nose where it doesn't belong..

 

Maybe Joe's feelings have changed for her. Roman has no business running his mouth.. although I'm sure that wont stop him. :lol:

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Guest hotsoxchick1
Karma bites you in the ass when you stick your nose where it doesn't belong..

 

Maybe Joe's feelings have changed for her. Roman has no business running his mouth.. although I'm sure that wont stop him. :lol:

ahh but the bad karma only shows up when you lie about things.......sticking ones nose in for a worthy cause will never bring on bad karma...... ;)

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Karma bites you in the ass when you stick your nose where it doesn't belong..

 

Maybe Joe's feelings have changed for her. Roman has no business running his mouth.. although I'm sure that wont stop him. :lol:

ahh but the bad karma only shows up when you lie about things.......sticking ones nose in for a worthy cause will never bring on bad karma...... ;)

Since you appear to be schooled in bad karma.. :ph34r: I'm gonna leave it alone.

 

However, I stand by my advice, and that of several others, that Roman should keep his nose out of others business. Unless she asks, he should keep quiet.

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Your friend said she was chubby before they hooked up and now you want to tell her that? Good Lord, you are vindictive. So if a friend tells you that his girlfriend's nagging is wearing on him, you'd tell her that? If you tell your friend that your gf is busting your balls over going to a baseball game, your friend would be justified in telling her you said she's a ballbreaker? If a friend tells you that he thinks his gf should stop wearing low neck sweaters, you'd pipe up and tell her that?

 

Keep your big yap shut.

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But those are minor. This is a big fault on Joes part and it shows that he really just cares how she looks. Its all superficial...

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But those are minor. This is a big fault on Joes part and it shows that he really just cares how she looks. Its all superficial...

Most relationships are superficial. It's just part of life.

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Well.. ya know different strokes for different folks. I don't condem anyone for their actions when they don't effect me. Besides.. karma works in mysterious ways.

 

 

Steff:

 

You hit on a favorite topic of mine: Karma, which, in turn, is causing me to draft my first post. The word "Karma" is often used, but rarely in the correct manner. So here's the law for those with interest:

 

The Law of Karma

In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)

Therefore, the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful actions is born by the person who commits them.

 

Let's take an example of a sequence of events. An unpleasant sensation occurs. A thought arises that the source of the unpleasantness was a person. (This thought is a delusion; any decisions based upon it will therefore be unskillful.) A thought arises that some past sensations of unpleasantness issued from this same person. (This thought is a further delusion.) This is followed by a willful decision to speak words that will produce an unpleasant sensation in that which is perceived as a person. (This decision is an act of hostility. Of all the events described so far, only this is called a karma.) Words are carefully chosen in the hopes that when heard they will cause pain. The words are pronounced aloud. (This is the execution of the decision to be hostile. It may also be classed as a kind of karma, although technically it is an after-karma.) There is a visual sensation of a furrowed brow and downturned mouth. The thought arises that the other person's face is frowning. The thought arises that the other person's feelings were hurt. There is a fleeting joyful feeling of success in knowing that one has scored a damaging verbal blow. Eventually (perhaps much later) there is an unpleasant sensation of regret, perhaps taking the form of a sensation of fear that the perceived enemy may retaliate, or perhaps taking the form of remorse on having acted impetuously, like an immature child, and hping that no one will remember this childish action. (This regret or fear is the unpleasant ripening of the karma, the unskillful decision to inflict pain through words.)

 

If there are no persons at all, then there is no self and no other. There is no distinction between pain of which there is direct sensual awareness (which is conventionally called one's own pain) and pain that is known through inference (conventionally called another person's pain). Whether pain is known directly or indirectly, there is either an urge to quell it or an urge to cultivate it. Whether joy is known directly or indirectly, there is either an urge to nourish it or to quell it. In the conventional language of speaking of events personally, the urge to quell all pain and to nourish all joy is known as being ethical or skillful or (if you like) good. The urge to nourish pain and quell joy is known as being unskillful, unethical or bad.

 

Being fully ethical is said to be impossible for those who make a distinction between self and other and show preference for the perceived self over the perceived other, for such perceptions inhibit being fully responsive. Being fully ethical is possible only for those who realize that all persons are empty, that is, devoid of personhood.

 

Ravi Shankar rules!

 

:fthecubs

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But those are minor. This is a big fault on Joes part and it shows that he really just cares how she looks. Its all superficial...

Roman, you don't know s*** about how people really feel. Unless you are them, you have no clue. You're going to cause more trouble, and likely ruin your friendship with her if you say anything. First, because you set her up with him when you knew how he was, and second, it looks petty. I'm sure she can make her own choices. Let it be is my opinion.

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Roman, you don't know s*** about how people really feel. Unless you are them, you have no clue. You're going to cause more trouble, and likely ruin your friendship with her if you say anything. First, because you set her up with him when you knew how he was, and second, it looks petty. I'm sure she can make her own choices. Let it be is my opinion.

I concur. People see only what they are prepared to see.

 

Trust me, Roman. I had a similar situation last year, only the girl saw the crappiness she had, she just had self esteem and body image issues that inhibited her confidence to get out of it.

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That's too much to understand, ya mind summarizing it?

well, Im a big believer in Karma. Whether you believe in God or not, some people feel what ya put out into the world eventually comes back to you. Its in the bible, too. From my life experiences, i can tell ya that its true. If you treat people well, and do the right thing, good things will follow you. If you harm people, physically, emotionally, mentally, It will come back to bite you. Ive seen it time and time again. In short, just be a good person, and you dont have as much to fear.

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well, Im a big believer in Karma.  Whether you believe in God or not, some people feel what ya put out into the world eventually comes back to you.  Its in the bible, too. From my life experiences, i can tell ya that its true. If you treat people well, and do the right thing, good things will follow you.  If you harm people, physically, emotionally, mentally, It will come back to bite you.  Ive seen it time and time again.  In short, just be a good person, and you dont have as much to fear.

Ah, makes sense. It really does.

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Ah, makes sense. It really does.

In other words, instead of getting revenge on people and f***ing up your life, just let karma take care of it. Trust me, it will.

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Roman, just keep your mouth shut. There is no way you will ever regret that. If you speak up, you just might end up regretting that.

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That's too much to understand, ya mind summarizing it?

In short, if Roman says something it will blow up in his face.

 

By saying something (i.e., causing an event to occur that is intended to inflict pain on another -- which, according to the laws of karma, is an unskillful act), there will follow another event, which was caused by his first act. The second event will be unpleasant by reason of the fact that it was caused by his "unskillful" first act.

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But how would my act be unskillful? Its not a delusion, Joe said it. Its not craving, Im not doing it so I can hook up with Jane. Its not resistance, atleast I dont think.

 

It probably would blow up in my face tho. But as it is Im starting to care less and less about Joe and Jane by the day. Its a mess and Im trying to get as far away from it as possible. So if I tell Jane and she promises to never talk to me again, I really dont give a s***... :(

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Roman, you don't know s*** about how people really feel. Unless you are them, you have no clue. You're going to cause more trouble, and likely ruin your friendship with her if you say anything. First, because you set her up with him when you knew how he was, and second, it looks petty. I'm sure she can make her own choices. Let it be is my opinion.

Steff, my friendship with Jane is already going down the drain. And I didnt set them up. I invited Jane over for dinner and Joe, since he was a great friend of mine, came over too. Without me they never would have met but I never suggested they go out...

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Steff, my friendship with Jane is already going down the drain. And I didnt set them up. I invited Jane over for dinner and Joe, since he was a great friend of mine, came over too. Without me they never would have met but I never suggested they go out...

How does Joe treat Jane? I think that is a huge question. If he treats her well, I'd let 'em be. If he treated her like s***, I'd talk to her about it.

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I dont know. In fact, I havent seen em together much so maybe, hopefully, it just died. But I could care less.

 

Ya know whats really ironic? Joe used to be fat as f***. Its kinda hypocritical for him to criticize her for being chubby (which she never was) when he weighed like 240...

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Steff, my friendship with Jane is already going down the drain. And I didnt set them up. I invited Jane over for dinner and Joe, since he was a great friend of mine, came over too. Without me they never would have met but I never suggested they go out...

Then what's the point of saying anything at all? There isn't any. Just doing it out of spite? Why bother?

 

Ya know what Roman.. I'm done with this. You're going to do what you want anyway. I think it's sad that you (or anyone) would stoop to such a level as to say s*** to purposely hurt others.

 

I tell ya.. I've learned a lot this summer about people.. and how s***ty and spiteful and ignorant and jealous they can be. I have to say.. I was pretty shocked when it was all over. But that's life I guess.

 

Whatever you do, good luck.

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