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YourWhatHurts

Hawkisms - A Reminder / Memories Thread

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Probably my favorite Hawkism which is never repeated is "Sphincter time!" and I also miss the comments like "You couldn't pull a credit card out of my be-hind with a pair pliers" which he would also make when talking about yellow hammer curveballs and such.

I hope I don't get a bunch of b****ing about making this thread.  Sometimes it seems like people around here have lost their child-like qualities.  Both AJ and Mark have never lost their child-like qualities.

Edited by YourWhatHurts

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Jose Abreu also has kept his child-like qualities.  Will he ever lose them?  What about Eloy?  Does Eloy have child-like qualities, and if so, will he ever lose them?

Edited by YourWhatHurts

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I don’t remember credit card. He said “couldn’t pull a greased (pronounced greezed) tee out of my behind with a pair of pliers.”

Which poses a question: why is there a tee in your ass?

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One not many ever mentioned was when someone would hit a foul ball down the line in the empty sections. He would say, the race is on, as a few people would be chasing down the ball.

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When I opened a thread about favorite hawkisms, I did not expect them to be anus-based.

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8 hours ago, flavum said:

I don’t remember credit card. He said “couldn’t pull a greased (pronounced greezed) tee out of my behind with a pair of pliers.”

Which poses a question: why is there a tee in your ass?

Not that Hawk ever used it, but I'm familiar with the one involving a corncob and a tractor. 😁

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7 hours ago, Quin said:

When I opened a thread about favorite hawkisms, I did not expect them to be anus-based.

Jay Marriotti is a what you call a hiney bird.

(Long dramatic pause)

Do you know what a hiney bird is?

(Another long dramatic pause following this rhetorical question)

A hiney hird is a bird that flies in perfectly concentric circles, over and over again, until it eventually disappears up it's own be-hind and is gone forever.

Jay Marriotti is a hiney bird.

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2 hours ago, Harold's Leg Lift said:

You could hang out all the drawers in Cook County on that liner, Whimpy. 

That was like almost every Jermaine Dye HR IIRC.

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"Get up!  Get up!

...it won't."

And when the Sox make an error in a key situation, or turn a single error into a comedy of errors, or continue a comedy of errors:

(about 3 or 4 straight minutes of absolute silence, then usually one of the following)

"...phhhhhhhhhhhh......  Wow."

or

"And that'll do it.  We'll go to the (top or bottom) of the (inning number)."  And then maybe he'd say nothing, or say "We're in trouble," or refuse to read the score, or just make another long groan.

Also Catfish Hunter was the best teammate he ever had, and Mark Buehrle is a lot like Catfish Hunter.  And Ted Williams used to believe that the uppercut swing was the best kind of swing and he would fight people who argued against him (who knows how adored he'd be over that now with all the launch angle stuff).

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11 hours ago, YourWhatHurts said:

Jay Marriotti is a what you call a hiney bird.

(Long dramatic pause)

Do you know what a hiney bird is?

(Another long dramatic pause following this rhetorical question)

A hiney hird is a bird that flies in perfectly concentric circles, over and over again, until it eventually disappears up it's own be-hind and is gone forever.

Jay Marriotti is a hiney bird.

One of Denver's best moves of all time was when they sent Marriotti to Chicago.

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Stamp of approval for this thread. Hawk loves baseball and the Sox and he showed it. Can any of you who love the Sox imagine having to stifle your real thoughts and feelings because you can't say certain things ? Try it in future game threads next year. Hawk was an ex ballplayer turned fan behind the mic.

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27 minutes ago, NebSox36 said:

I still wish they could bring him back to the booth 1 series/game a year 

Same here except for 162 games per year.  He needs a "handler" though to cut him off and keep him on track, and stop him from getting too grumpy.  Maybe his son can be like an assistant producer who sits alongside him and controls the mute button, and then another producer can get involved on the audio side to make sure that only relevant content gets added.

Every Hawk addition could come at the expense of Benetti's nonsense.  I'd love it.

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My favorite ones are the ones that just become part of the game.  The ones I still catch myself thinking or we used to say on the field ourselves.

 

Gas. He Gone.

Can of corn.

Stretch.

Get on back there/WAY back.

PIOTB Yeee---Yes YES.

My favorite however, came from a late Frank HR in maybe 2003/2004 against the Twins.  "WAY BACK, DEEP AND INTO THE NIGHT! YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOAAARD."  It was perfect, one of those hot late July/August nights and it was an absolute bomb.  I was about 13 or 14 and the way he said deep and into the night was almost cinematic.   He never said it again but it's burned into my brain.  

Those are just the big ones, I'm sure if I sat with my thoughts there'd be about 50 more.  Hell, there's some that only existed for a season or two that would pop in all of our heads in no time.  But these ones were simple and they became a part of the game in our own lives.  That's beauty.  That's what made him so great.  Sure he was a bit of an idiot but the ability to find a few words that leaked into every part of your thinking about the game is what made him a genius.  I sincerely believe that despite his failings as a commentator he deserves EVERY bit of being in the Hall of Fame.  Surprisingly enough, I find I'm missing him more and more.  And that's no disrespect to Bennetti, I think he is becoming a great voice in his own right.  

 

 

Edited by Nokona

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