How can you tell if a girl is uninterested or just playing hard to get

[LowerCaseRepublican]

Screw txt'ing. Just get on the damn phone already and call her instead of all this dramatic foreplay. Seriously, take responsibility for yourself instead of having a bunch of random message board posters (many of whom you don't know in person) to tell you romantic 'advice'. Asking us for advice was not only odd but meaningless because your actions show you had no intent of actually using it.

 

There is an excellent book that most of you should go out and get your grubby little meat-handles on right now. It is called "Sit Down and Shut Up" by Brad Warner. He is a former punk bassist and is also an ordained Zen priest. A part of his work is excerpted here with my own commentary (which is in bold).

 

A few hundred years ago a dude named Gensa, who later went on to be one of the great Buddhist teachers, was still a young monk. One day he gets fed up with the temple where he's studying. He ?gures he'd be better off getting out and seeing what the rest of the world has to offer. Maybe another temple will have whatever it is he's been looking for. Or maybe he'll just give up on temples altogether. As he's heading out the gate, he stubs his toe on a big ol' rock. He's hopping around in terrible pain, bleeding from under his toenail, going, "Ow! Ow! s***! Piss! Damn!" And he thinks, "I've heard that the body is an illusion. So where the hell did all this pain come from?"

 

All at once he gets it.

 

Later on, his teacher, a guy named Seppo Gisan, asks him what's up, and he says, "I just can't be deceived by others."

 

Seppo really gets off on this statement. "Is there anyone who doesn't have these words?" he says. "But who else can speak them?"

 

There you have the key to understanding Buddhism. That one sentence, "I can't be deceived," says all you need to know.

 

Okay...you're probably thinking "Dogen? Zen philosophy? A toe stubbing leading to a substantive mental belief structure change? What the bloody Hades is Neil suggesting here?" I know, but keep going.

 

When people say stuff like "I can't be deceived," the emphasis is usually on "I." They're usually saying something like, "Maybe all those other people out there can be deceived, but nobody can make a fool out of me!" But that's not what Gensa means here. "I" here is absolutely universal. It refers just as much to you and me as it does to Gensa himself. He's not bragging. He might even be a little bit sad when he says, "I can't be deceived."

 

You're probably thinking, Why would he be sad about that? I mean, he's enlightened, right? And enlightenment is supposed to be the happiest thing that can ever happen to a person — just like Disneyland is the Happiest Place on Earth — right? Otherwise why strive for it? But think about it for a sec. Imagine a situation in which you suddenly realize with absolute certainty that you can never blame anyone else for anything that happens to you. You can't even blame your circumstances since you know those, too, are of your own making. You can no longer tell yourself that if only this or that happened, then you'd ?nd perfect happiness. Your future has entirely vanished, along with your past. It must be just a little sad. But it's sad in a different way from usual sadness. It's a sadness that knows what sadness really is. It knows that there is no merit in taking hold of sadness, so it lets the sadness drift by. Still, it's not as if sadness isn't part of the equation.

 

Take a moment and think about that. You can never blame anyone else for anything that happens to you. You can't even blame your circumstances because they are also of your own making. You can no longer tell yourself that other things may bring happiness. You have to live within the moment and seizing the moment in all of its purity and clarity.

 

The idea that we can be deceived is an illusion created by our amazing ability to think. Real deception never happens. We pretend to be deceived. We even fool ourselves into actually thinking we believe we've been had. But it just doesn't happen. When Gensa stubbed his toe on that rock — in other words, when he suddenly came face-to-face with the undeniable fact that he was living in this world and not in the world he created in his mind, in which the body is an illusion* — he understood that he could not be deceived.

 

This was not some unique, miraculous event, something that could only happen to an advanced student like Gensa, either. As his teacher says, "Is there anyone who does not have these words?" Is there anyone, anywhere in the world who does not come face-to-face with the real facts of the real world every moment of every day? But, says Gensa's teacher, who else but Gensa can speak them? In other words, why, oh why, do we keep insisting that we live in some other reality far removed from the one we encounter all the time? Why is it that any time someone says something true, we act like he or she has some magical supernatural power far beyond that of ordinary human beings?

 

There's a very good, very practical reason people want to believe that they can be deceived by others. See, when you've been deceived, nothing you do is really your fault. Just like the Nazis, you can plead, "I was only following orders." Maybe folks will even believe you. I won't. But that's just me. As far as I'm concerned, pretending you've been deceived — making believe that reality hit you smack in the face and you still didn't notice it — is nothing more than a way of abdicating all responsibility. You might get away with it because this world is run by people who also want to be able to use that excuse themselves if it ever comes down to it. People like you. People like me.

 

Is the Gensa, Dogen talk making sense now? We live in a world of reality, not a world constructed inside our very powerful brains. There is no such thing as being deluded. It is merely giving up your all important responsibility.

 

But it's a lame excuse. No decent Zen teacher would ever accept it. I used to come to my teachers with variations of that one all the time. "I was deceived! I'm in delusion! Please help me. Please tell me what's really true!" It was just another way of saying, "Please take responsibility for me."

 

"Nobody's tricked you, you moron," they'd say. "You know what the truth is. Stop being such a bonehead, and take an honest look at yourself." Gensa didn't need a Learned Zen Master to tell him he was in pain when he stubbed his toe that day. And you don't need anyone to tell you what your life really is either. You sure as heck don't need me. I cannot possibly tell you anything you don't already know. You probably agree, since, if you're like most people, you think I'm an idiot. But you probably also think that somewhere out there in the land where books are written is someone way cooler and tons more spiritually advanced than me who can tell you something you don't already know. Keep right on looking. The publishing industry loves you.

 

I just wanted to share this because it has very much impacted me. Take responsibility for yourself and find yourself fully experiencing the clarity of each individual moment you find yourself in each day. Take a look at your life and reality to see if they sync up. If they don't, you know who to blame and what you've got to do.

[hammerhead johnson]

God damn, man. Lay off the acid tabs.

[RockRaines]

Freakin republicans, long winded with no real solution.

[SoxFanForever]

I think I popped a blood vessel in my brain trying to digest that whole thing LCR.

[witesoxfan]

I don't recall ever finding out why you are even after this chick. Maybe yelling will help.

 

DUDE, SHE DOES NOT FIND YOU THAT INTERESTING. IF SHE DOES, SHE WILL COME FIND YOU. IF SHE DOESN'T, YOU'LL FIND SOME OTHER GIRL THAT IS YOUR NEXT TRUE LOVE IN ABOUT A MONTH AND COME BACK ON HERE AND TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. DON'T STALK HER, BECAUSE THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW.

 

I feel better now; and dude, get a f'ing clue.

[Controlled Chaos]

Calm down fellas.....I'm with you guys on what you are saying....and I've shared my opinions with WSF1 in the past as well, but clearly this is a lost dude trying to find his way. I'm not sure I agree with coming on soxtalk and asking a bunch of strangers for advice, but if we're all the guys got....might as well keep giving it to him.

 

WSF1 if you keep asking these questions, I would suggest you start listening to the answers. We may even be able to get you to string a couple of dates together. Then you can learn a little about women first hand. Hell, after a few dates, we may even be able to get you laid. But the first thing you have got to drop is the desperation act man. Nothing anyone here tells you will overcome that. A desperate man, is best friends with his hand.

[WhiteSoxFan1]

turns out this girl doesnt respond to anyone ever. I talked to her cousin for an hour or so yesterday through instant message and I asked her why (the girl im after) is so picky and choosy on what she replies to, and why she sometimes doesnt reply at all?

 

Her response was pretty much "its because shes a dumbass. she doesnt reply to anything

or anyone, by phone, email, computer or anything and I have no clue why. I tried texting her 3 times today telling her to call me and I never heard from her. She even did this in high school, and I dont know why shes like this, but she is. Id say the best bet is to just ignore her when she texts so she knows how it feels, but ive tried that and it doesnt even faze her.I guess just dont take it personal. I wish I could help more, but ive known her my whole life and still cant figure out the answer to this question."

 

After that, I tried calling her yesterday. Got her voice mail of course and asked her if she was free tonight and wanted to hang out. She texted back hours later saying "yes i want to hang out, but i do have soccer practice. So hopefully after?" So I tried replying back saying that after her practice would be good and if she wanted to see a movie (since its gonna be sort of late) and I never heard anything back. So ehh I dunno wtf to expect outta this one. I dont want to give up on it yet though.

[LowerCaseRepublican]

I just took a picture of me after reading this thread...

 

[Gregory Pratt]

turns out this girl doesnt respond to anyone ever. I talked to her cousin for an hour or so yesterday through instant message and I asked her why (the girl im after) is so picky and choosy on what she replies to, and why she sometimes doesnt reply at all?

 

Her response was pretty much "its because shes a dumbass. she doesnt reply to anything

or anyone, by phone, email, computer or anything and I have no clue why. I tried texting her 3 times today telling her to call me and I never heard from her. She even did this in high school, and I dont know why shes like this, but she is. Id say the best bet is to just ignore her when she texts so she knows how it feels, but ive tried that and it doesnt even faze her.I guess just dont take it personal. I wish I could help more, but ive known her my whole life and still cant figure out the answer to this question."

 

After that, I tried calling her yesterday. Got her voice mail of course and asked her if she was free tonight and wanted to hang out. She texted back hours later saying "yes i want to hang out, but i do have soccer practice. So hopefully after?" So I tried replying back saying that after her practice would be good and if she wanted to see a movie (since its gonna be sort of late) and I never heard anything back. So ehh I dunno wtf to expect outta this one. I dont want to give up on it yet though.

 

That's so ridiculous.

 

[AssHatSoxFan]

why would you want to deal with a girl like this then if you now know that she is completely out of touch with how to effectively communicate with others?

[LowerCaseRepublican]

turns out this girl doesnt respond to anyone ever. I talked to her cousin for an hour or so yesterday through instant message and I asked her why (the girl im after) is so picky and choosy on what she replies to, and why she sometimes doesnt reply at all?

 

Her response was pretty much "its because shes a dumbass. she doesnt reply to anything

or anyone, by phone, email, computer or anything and I have no clue why. I tried texting her 3 times today telling her to call me and I never heard from her. She even did this in high school, and I dont know why shes like this, but she is. Id say the best bet is to just ignore her when she texts so she knows how it feels, but ive tried that and it doesnt even faze her.I guess just dont take it personal. I wish I could help more, but ive known her my whole life and still cant figure out the answer to this question."

 

After that, I tried calling her yesterday. Got her voice mail of course and asked her if she was free tonight and wanted to hang out. She texted back hours later saying "yes i want to hang out, but i do have soccer practice. So hopefully after?" So I tried replying back saying that after her practice would be good and if she wanted to see a movie (since its gonna be sort of late) and I never heard anything back. So ehh I dunno wtf to expect outta this one. I dont want to give up on it yet though.

Take the goddamn hint already and go find a new girl. Jesus H. Motherf***ing Christ, for the love of God and all that is holy -- this is getting ridiculous. She's trying to give you plenty of hints that she's not worth dating and here you are still fawning over it.

 

This is like eating a bowl of cereal with spoiled milk. Instead of throwing that s*** away, you're slurping away with spoonfuls "Oh man, it tastes like s*** but I just can't stop eating!"

[AssHatSoxFan]

Take the goddamn hint already and go find a new girl. Jesus H. Motherf***ing Christ, for the love of God and all that is holy -- this is getting ridiculous. She's trying to give you plenty of hints that she's not worth dating and here you are still fawning over it.

 

This is like eating a bowl of cereal with spoiled milk. Instead of throwing that s*** away, you're slurping away with spoonfuls "Oh man, it tastes like s*** but I just can't stop eating!"

What's the best way for me to eat this nasty cereal...maybe if I eat enough it will eventually taste good or I can also hold my nose to ignore the taste and keep eating!

[southsideirish71]

So at what point does a Judge order you to keep at least 1000 feet away from this girl at all times.

 

 

Edited August 9, 2007 by southsideirish71

[Steff]

So it is true that some dudes will endure anything for the chance, as slim as it may be, at the vagine.

 

 

[RockRaines]

So it is true that some dudes will endure anything for the chance, as slim as it may be, at the vagine.

I think this thread speaks for itself. You have boys like this across the country texting feverously trying to get at the poon. There are guys in the friend zone that are just waiting for the chance, letting their girl of their dreams ignore them and walk all over them just for a chance with them.

 

I think alot of these kids are so stuck in their bubble that they dont realize truly how many people are out there and how much more opportunity they will have if they just let some of it come to them.

[southsideirish71]

I have found the perfect video clip to summarize the last 3 threads this kid has started.

 

[Controlled Chaos]

I have found the perfect video clip to summarize the last 3 threads this kid has started.

 

haha....that's just about perfect.

[WhiteSoxFan1]

My bad, im not gonna post this s*** anymore. Was quite childish.

[Gene Honda Civic]

I tried texting her 3 times today telling her to call me and I never heard from her.

 

YOU'VE GOTTA BE f***ING KIDDDING ME!!!

 

Are you trying to say that this woman isn't compelled to call a suitor who is too pussy to actually call her in the first place? SHOCKING!

 

You've got a lot to learn. And it looks like you're gonna learn the hard way.

[WhiteSoxFan1]

YOU'VE GOTTA BE f***ING KIDDDING ME!!!

 

Are you trying to say that this woman isn't compelled to call a suitor who is too pussy to actually call her in the first place? SHOCKING!

 

You've got a lot to learn. And it looks like you're gonna learn the hard way.

dude I did NOT text her 3 times saying that. Thats what her cousin told me that she did YESTERDAY. She was just letting me know, its not just me that she doesnt reply too, its her own best friends and family she doesnt even reply to. I did call her and I got her voicemail.

 

reread what I wrote bro

Edited August 9, 2007 by WhiteSoxFan1

[RockRaines]

heres a little song to sing while texting the special lady.

 

 

[RockRaines]

dammit someone help me out there. I suck at embedding things.

[WHarris1]

Turn on HTML towards the bottom of the reply screen.

[knightni]

Turn on html before you post the reply.

[WhiteSoxFan1]