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Relationship Advice Thread

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 04:45 PM)
and my heart is, as of right now, officially broken

 

Big Ugly Betty fan sorry to hear the show has been cancelled, eh?

 

;)

 

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Ha I wish. The relationship I've been in with a girl for just under 2 years has essentially come to an end. It's been hot and cold for about the past 6 months, but we've never really fought. It was mainly a matter of me being a huge POS for pretty much the entirety of the 2009 calendar year while she was actually being productive and becoming a legitimate member of society. So I had a bit of a revelation that I needed to step up and make changes, and thus far it's been great for 2010 - joined two very good business oriented organizations on campus, I'm looking for a job, and scouting out some internships. She told me last night that she wants to pursue another guy before she takes off to see if anything can bloom and the only reason she's really been hanging out with me is because she does still have feelings, but she wants to see me get on my feet more than anything, and she didn't want to hurt me. I told her that you have to hurt people as it's an inevitability in life, and I gave her the go ahead to try and get with this other guy. I don't know if he has feelings like that for her, but he may. Needless to say, I hope he doesn't, but it's out of my hands now.

 

First true love too. Ouchers.

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 04:29 PM)
Ha I wish. The relationship I've been in with a girl for just under 2 years has essentially come to an end. It's been hot and cold for about the past 6 months, but we've never really fought. It was mainly a matter of me being a huge POS for pretty much the entirety of the 2009 calendar year while she was actually being productive and becoming a legitimate member of society. So I had a bit of a revelation that I needed to step up and make changes, and thus far it's been great for 2010 - joined two very good business oriented organizations on campus, I'm looking for a job, and scouting out some internships. She told me last night that she wants to pursue another guy before she takes off to see if anything can bloom and the only reason she's really been hanging out with me is because she does still have feelings, but she wants to see me get on my feet more than anything, and she didn't want to hurt me. I told her that you have to hurt people as it's an inevitability in life, and I gave her the go ahead to try and get with this other guy. I don't know if he has feelings like that for her, but he may. Needless to say, I hope he doesn't, but it's out of my hands now.

 

First true love too. Ouchers.

 

 

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Keep your head up.

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 04:29 PM)
Ha I wish. The relationship I've been in with a girl for just under 2 years has essentially come to an end. It's been hot and cold for about the past 6 months, but we've never really fought. It was mainly a matter of me being a huge POS for pretty much the entirety of the 2009 calendar year while she was actually being productive and becoming a legitimate member of society. So I had a bit of a revelation that I needed to step up and make changes, and thus far it's been great for 2010 - joined two very good business oriented organizations on campus, I'm looking for a job, and scouting out some internships. She told me last night that she wants to pursue another guy before she takes off to see if anything can bloom and the only reason she's really been hanging out with me is because she does still have feelings, but she wants to see me get on my feet more than anything, and she didn't want to hurt me. I told her that you have to hurt people as it's an inevitability in life, and I gave her the go ahead to try and get with this other guy. I don't know if he has feelings like that for her, but he may. Needless to say, I hope he doesn't, but it's out of my hands now.

 

First true love too. Ouchers.

Don't worry buddy, best of luck to you though, I know it sucks.

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 04:29 PM)
Ha I wish. The relationship I've been in with a girl for just under 2 years has essentially come to an end. It's been hot and cold for about the past 6 months, but we've never really fought. It was mainly a matter of me being a huge POS for pretty much the entirety of the 2009 calendar year while she was actually being productive and becoming a legitimate member of society. So I had a bit of a revelation that I needed to step up and make changes, and thus far it's been great for 2010 - joined two very good business oriented organizations on campus, I'm looking for a job, and scouting out some internships. She told me last night that she wants to pursue another guy before she takes off to see if anything can bloom and the only reason she's really been hanging out with me is because she does still have feelings, but she wants to see me get on my feet more than anything, and she didn't want to hurt me. I told her that you have to hurt people as it's an inevitability in life, and I gave her the go ahead to try and get with this other guy. I don't know if he has feelings like that for her, but he may. Needless to say, I hope he doesn't, but it's out of my hands now.

 

First true love too. Ouchers.

 

Love sucks, there is no way around it. And the first is always the worst. You will hear a lot of cliches from people, just dont do anything stupid(drunk dialing, semi-stalking, causing tension when you are around her and mutual friends) and you will be fine.

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 03:45 PM)
and my heart is, as of right now, officially broken

 

Yeah, it sucks, but the worst thing you can do is to be sad and miserable. Hang out with some friends or get out and do something so it's not all you think about.

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Best advice is to find something you can dive into. You need to redirect your focus somehow. To anything productive your mind will let you. Work out. Dive into a new video game. Read the Lord of the Rings or something.

 

That is the best way I know how to get through something like this....

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Thanks guys, means a lot. And I mentioned the first love because I have heard losing the first love is the hardest, and this verified it.

 

It's actually kind of funny, because for some reason I was anticipating something like this and bought her a singing card yesterday that sings "You're my best friend" by Queen. I just wrote a note that basically said that no matter what happened, I wanted to remain good friends with her.

 

I definitely have to keep the drunk dialing to a minimum, that has gotten me in trouble before.

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 05:49 PM)
Thanks guys, means a lot. And I mentioned the first love because I have heard losing the first love is the hardest, and this verified it.

 

It's actually kind of funny, because for some reason I was anticipating something like this and bought her a singing card yesterday that sings "You're my best friend" by Queen. I just wrote a note that basically said that no matter what happened, I wanted to remain good friends with her.

 

I definitely have to keep the drunk dialing to a minimum, that has gotten me in trouble before.

Be careful how you try to accomplish remaining friends with her...some people can pull off the transition without a break...others really need some time without communicating at all. It's up to you. Just try not to do things that make you feel better in the short term but you know could be really bad in the long term.

 

 

 

 

 

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QUOTE (BigSqwert @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 07:22 PM)
The milkman truly delivers.

 

Yeah, I sort of cringe at both your screen names/porn names.

 

:lolhitting

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 06:49 PM)
Thanks guys, means a lot. And I mentioned the first love because I have heard losing the first love is the hardest, and this verified it.

 

It's actually kind of funny, because for some reason I was anticipating something like this and bought her a singing card yesterday that sings "You're my best friend" by Queen. I just wrote a note that basically said that no matter what happened, I wanted to remain good friends with her.

 

I definitely have to keep the drunk dialing to a minimum, that has gotten me in trouble before.

 

 

QUOTE (Milkman delivers @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 07:04 PM)
I'd get laid. I'm sure plenty will say that's not the answer, but it will seriously help you and you'll find out quickly that there are plenty of other girls out there.

 

It couldn't be more the answer. Doesn't actually have to be getting laid, but at least haning out with a new girl. Wite I know that probably doesn't feel like the thing to do with everything you're going through but trust me. Don't do any of that note stuff and just remove her number so it's less easy for you to drunk dial. Close this chapter and open a new one, you will start feeling much better

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QUOTE (3E8 @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 06:59 PM)
It couldn't be more the answer. Doesn't actually have to be getting laid, but at least haning out with a new girl. Wite I know that probably doesn't feel like the thing to do with everything you're going through but trust me. Don't do any of that note stuff and just remove her number so it's less easy for you to drunk dial. Close this chapter and open a new one, you will start feeling much better

 

Just removed her from my contact list. When it feels safe, I'll probably put it back in, but it was really weird just seeing numbers rather than her name.

 

I think I'm gonna go out tonight too. Maybe not get s***faced, but go out and have a few drinks and hang out. I'm not going to plan on it, but it would be pretty cool to be at the same place as her tonight with a different girl.

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 09:18 PM)
Just removed her from my contact list. When it feels safe, I'll probably put it back in, but it was really weird just seeing numbers rather than her name.

 

I think I'm gonna go out tonight too. Maybe not get s***faced, but go out and have a few drinks and hang out. I'm not going to plan on it, but it would be pretty cool to be at the same place as her tonight with a different girl.

 

I fully expect you to get s*** faced

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QUOTE (KyYlE23 @ Jan 29, 2010 -> 09:38 PM)
I fully expect you to get s*** faced

 

I don't really want to though. Just not really in the state of mind where getting s***faced right now would be a good thing.

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Damn wite, its sucks to hear that. Women really know how to break a mans world down. I have had my heart broken a couple times but you can always look back and realize it was for your better good as well as hers. They arent always that perfect match that they seem to be when you are with them and you can only begin to see that when they are gone and you meet all these other cool interesting chicks.

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Blake, I just realized how much of a rookie you are with relationships... (and drinking even though you don't want to admit it)

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QUOTE (Milkman delivers @ Jan 30, 2010 -> 05:22 PM)
And if you really wanna piss her off, make the girl you nail one of her friends. I'm only half serious about that one.

 

You know, a wise man once told me that the problem with girls is that we tend to put some of them on a pedestal. He taught me a trick to never letting that happen. I'll share it.

 

Picture the most perfect girl you know. The most beautiful woman you have ever seen. This is the girl you most want to be with.

 

 

Now picture her taking a dump.

 

She ain't so perfect anymore, is she?

 

Ahh, my friend, you show your youth....another thing to remember...for every girl, there is some guy tired of f*$%ing her....

 

The thing that has always worked for me, as simple as it sounds, is realize what a freaking catch you are. We all are a bit insecure at times, but you really think about it Blake, this girl is stupid for not being totally into you. Just realize what a freaking stud you are, realize that if she has half a brain in her head she will come to her senses and come running back to you, and in the meantime, put a smile on your face and go party your ass off and have the time of your life with any and every girl that fancies you. And do not contact her. If she contacts you, feel free to respond, but do so at your convenience. Don't be rude, but don't be as sweet to her as you used to be. She has to realize that if she wants to walk on you, she can't just come back and expect the same treatment whenever she chooses.

 

If you do that, they tend to come back eventually.

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QUOTE (Milkman delivers @ Jan 30, 2010 -> 05:50 PM)
I don't see where we differ.

Oh, yeah, I didn't really say....but your trick is an old one...but still very effective...Glad to hear it has been passed again to the next gen...:)

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Im not gonna lie, I came out of my crazy-bag when I broke up with my first love. I did stuff that I still think about and wonder what the f*** I was thinking. I dont know if you could have put a girl in front of me that would of caught my attention for at least a month afterwards. It was bad.

 

 

Of course, immediately afterwards she pressed every button possible to make me go nuts, but still.....

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QUOTE (KyYlE23 @ Jan 30, 2010 -> 07:00 PM)
Im not gonna lie, I came out of my crazy-bag when I broke up with my first love. I did stuff that I still think about and wonder what the f*** I was thinking. I dont know if you could have put a girl in front of me that would of caught my attention for at least a month afterwards. It was bad.

 

 

Of course, immediately afterwards she pressed every button possible to make me go nuts, but still.....

Honestly, everyone acts crazy at one time or another. One of my best friends is absolutely gorgeous - she basically has her choice of any guy (or girl) in the bar on any given night, and yet, I have seen her do more crazy s*** than anyone when a guy turns the tables on her. The key is to do exactly that - turn the tables and be confident and you can make anyone a bit crazy...

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To give an update on the situation, I went out Friday at about midnight, relatively sober (I'd had 2 beers) and just wanted to look respectable and good, and planned on talking to a couple of girls. Well, if you go to school here, you realize that all the girls here are pretty much hardcore alcoholics and the bar is not a place where I should be picking up girls (atleast the bar I was at). Anyways, so the ex comes in, stops in and says hi...she goes and does her thing and I'm hanging out with everyone else. She comes up to me a little bit later and says that she's surprised I'm actually downtown and not a complete trainwreck of a drunk. We talked a bit longer and she left. I hung out and went back to roaming around, . She asked if we could talk later, I didn't see any problem with it, and we did. We ended up talking for a while and she stayed over at my place. I took her home in the morning, and it was all good.

 

She came over last night before USD's "Strollers Show." The Strollers are basically an organization that put on this show and do nothing else for the university, and during that time they get blacked out drunk all the time and come up with jokes (while organizing the show). Sounds like it's right up my alley, right? Well, it was until I quit. Ha, that was fun. Anyways, yeah she came over to the house at 5 with her friend (who wanted and eventually did sleep with another guy in the frat house...and they hooked up in my bed. yay...) and I left around 6:00. Come about 6:15, it was just her, her loose friend, and the horny dude, and she didn't want to be a cockblock, so she figured out a way to get to the show and got there at about 6:45. We hung out from 6:45 until about an hour ago, and everything's fine right now.

 

I don't know if I'm going about this the right way - I am and have been super crazy about this girl for a while - but it feels right. And not getting s***faced on Friday turned out to be the right call.

 

EDIT: Now I'm going out to eat with her and her residents with her invitation. She works at an assisted living center on weekends for the mentally impaired. I think I'm back in.

Edited by witesoxfan

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I just hope she isnt leaning on you until she is ready for the other guy Blake. Some girls do that, and completely wreck the ex boyfriend. just be wary, thats all I can say

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