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Relationship Advice Thread

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Hey everyone, wanted some quick advice.

About a year ago two weeks after I broke up with my longterm girlfriend, I met a girl at a bar (I was drunk and she was even on a date lol).  Managed to get her number and we went out on a date about a month later (sushi and live music downtown).  Went great, but I ended up ghosting her, not intentional, but I guess I just wasn't ready for anything.

We would talk occasionally here and there, but now 8 months later I finally am.  Started talking to her again about a month ago and a half after doing all that, thought she would of hated/ignored me, but we have done dinner/football at a bar downtown and we went to the Cubs/Rockies game with some of my friends as our fist couple dates.  Have another date this weekend cooking dinner at her place.  Real cool girl, obviously attracted to her, loves sports, outgoing, loves beer, extremely smart.  My question is if things keep going well, how many dates/how long we've talked until I can ask her out?  I'm starting to like her quite a bit, but I just don't know how things play out.  I haven't had a first date in 8 years and that was when I was 18, so obviously things are a little different haha.

Thanks in advance!   

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3 minutes ago, Leonard Zelig said:

What do you mean ask her out?  It sounds like you have gone on dates and have another one scheduled.

Sorry for the confusion.  Meaning like to be my girlfriend haha.  How soon is too soon? 

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I think anytime now is a good time to give her your class ring to go steady.

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On 10/4/2018 at 4:45 PM, GGajewski18 said:

Hey everyone, wanted some quick advice.

About a year ago two weeks after I broke up with my longterm girlfriend, I met a girl at a bar (I was drunk and she was even on a date lol).  Managed to get her number and we went out on a date about a month later (sushi and live music downtown).  Went great, but I ended up ghosting her, not intentional, but I guess I just wasn't ready for anything.

We would talk occasionally here and there, but now 8 months later I finally am.  Started talking to her again about a month ago and a half after doing all that, thought she would of hated/ignored me, but we have done dinner/football at a bar downtown and we went to the Cubs/Rockies game with some of my friends as our fist couple dates.  Have another date this weekend cooking dinner at her place.  Real cool girl, obviously attracted to her, loves sports, outgoing, loves beer, extremely smart.  My question is if things keep going well, how many dates/how long we've talked until I can ask her out?  I'm starting to like her quite a bit, but I just don't know how things play out.  I haven't had a first date in 8 years and that was when I was 18, so obviously things are a little different haha.

Thanks in advance!   

I'm confused when you said you hadn't have a first date in 8 years. Sounds like you went on your first date with her about a year ago, and several dates since.

As far as how to ask her out, since it's kind of an awkward and vulnerably position to be in, especially in this modern society, I would kind of make light of it, or make a joke out of it. When I "officially" asked my girlfriend to be...my girlfriend, about 14 months ago, I did it by asking her "Soo....should I delete my Tinder now or..." and made it a light-hearted thing. And then we both watched as I uninstalled the app as if it was some big step. We had a good laugh about it. 

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23 hours ago, Kyyle23 said:

GG I don't think you need to do much more than ask if you guys are exclusive 

So last night she brought it up without me asking essentially saying she doesn't want to be exclusive until she knows for sure that she wants to be with a guy..  I didn't go into it much further because I don't think she is at that stage yet.  

14 hours ago, ChiliIrishHammock24 said:

I'm confused when you said you hadn't have a first date in 8 years. Sounds like you went on your first date with her about a year ago, and several dates since.

As far as how to ask her out, since it's kind of an awkward and vulnerably position to be in, especially in this modern society, I would kind of make light of it, or make a joke out of it. When I "officially" asked my girlfriend to be...my girlfriend, about 14 months ago, I did it by asking her "Soo....should I delete my Tinder now or..." and made it a light-hearted thing. And then we both watched as I uninstalled the app as if it was some big step. We had a good laugh about it. 

Once in December and haven't since until we recently started talking again.  So, based off my above comment, I think I'm gonna continue to wait a couple more dates and then go from there and ask.

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8 hours ago, GGajewski18 said:

So last night she brought it up without me asking essentially saying she doesn't want to be exclusive until she knows for sure that she wants to be with a guy..  I didn't go into it much further because I don't think she is at that stage yet.  

Once in December and haven't since until we recently started talking again.  So, based off my above comment, I think I'm gonna continue to wait a couple more dates and then go from there and ask.

Move on. I’ve been there a few times. Stop spending money on her.

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Sounds like she enjoys your company but a serious relationship would compromise her freedom. Do you know if she does this with other guys? When I read that she gave you her number while she was on a "date" with someone else, that was a red flag to me. Since you’re both just friends, you’re open to ask away as to where she sees herself long term: marriage and starting a family or continue with current lifestyle?

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On 10/7/2018 at 5:33 PM, Brian said:

Move on. I’ve been there a few times. Stop spending money on her.

I agree with Brian. Good advice. Follow it. At least stop spending cash on her. Brian is right.

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Okay, so what's everyone's opinion on age differences? I'm 34 the girl I'm interested in is 22. Too much? She is a very mature 22.

Edited by lasttriptotulsa

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25 minutes ago, lasttriptotulsa said:

Okay, so what's everyone's opinion on age differences? I'm 34 the girl I'm interested in is 22. Too much? She is a very mature 22.

I've started living by the rule: post-college is fair game once you hit a certain age.

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1 hour ago, lasttriptotulsa said:

Okay, so what's everyone's opinion on age differences? I'm 34 the girl I'm interested in is 22. Too much? She is a very mature 22.

Half your age plus 7 is a formula I have heard, so in your case, she would be too young.  

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6 hours ago, lasttriptotulsa said:

Okay, so what's everyone's opinion on age differences? I'm 34 the girl I'm interested in is 22. Too much? She is a very mature 22.

Says everyone trying to convince themselves this would be a good idea.

In all seriousness, it depends on what you're both looking for. First and foremost, let's start with the fact she's 22. Therefore she's not very mature. Especially today. That aside, if you're both just looking for fun, whatever ... but if you're looking for one thing and she's looking for another? I'd just make sure you're both on the same page.

My opinion? I personally couldn't get along in an actual relationship with a person that young -- we'd have nothing in common. We didn't watch the same cartoons or movies growing up, we wouldn't like most of the same music, or anything...hell, she was like 9 when the Sox won the world series. lol :D

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On 10/18/2018 at 11:06 AM, Leonard Zelig said:

Half your age plus 7 is a formula I have heard, so in your case, she would be too young.  

I think most people would think you are too old to date a 22 year old. I have no big opinion either way. 

As far as society ... lets say if you hung out with a group at work of folks 22 to 40 (softball team, drinks, lunches) and you were talking to a 22 year old co worker or friend of a co worker, most would assume you were talking as friends.

Even if she was 24, that's a pretty big age difference for modern society. I think once you top 30, you are considered too old to date somebody 23 or 24 or younger. Let's say you took a 22 year old that hung out with the softball team/work crowd to play tennis in the summer cause you've talked about tennis and she plays it and you play it. If folks heard about it, they'd assume it was innocent friendship with you not having an intent of dating her. From what I've observed in life, women are very concerned about age differences. Has she asked you about how old you are? Any conversations yet?

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22 hours ago, greg775 said:

From what I've observed in life, women are very concerned about age differences. Has she asked you about how old you are? Any conversations yet?

She's told me age doesn't matter to her. The last guy she was somewhat seeing was 33 so not much different. Yes she knows how old I am.

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1 hour ago, lasttriptotulsa said:

She's told me age doesn't matter to her. The last guy she was somewhat seeing was 33 so not much different. Yes she knows how old I am.

I was 33 dating a 24 year old. It worked out. It really just depends on what type of things you have in common etc. She just barely made the /2 + 7 which I told her before we started dating.

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21 hours ago, lasttriptotulsa said:

She's told me age doesn't matter to her. The last guy she was somewhat seeing was 33 so not much different. Yes she knows how old I am.

Go for it dude.  YOLO

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On 10/22/2018 at 1:55 PM, lasttriptotulsa said:

She's told me age doesn't matter to her. The last guy she was somewhat seeing was 33 so not much different. Yes she knows how old I am.

You've got it made then. If she knows your age you aren't hiding anything and are in the clear. If it gets serious and her friends or family care? Who cares? 

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On 10/22/2018 at 11:55 AM, lasttriptotulsa said:

She's told me age doesn't matter to her. The last guy she was somewhat seeing was 33 so not much different. Yes she knows how old I am.

Do you like her? Does she like you? Are any laws being broken? Life is short, do what makes you both happy and who gives a fuck what some silly formula equates to.

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11 hours ago, iamshack said:

Do you like her? Does she like you? Are any laws being broken? Life is short, do what makes you both happy and who gives a fuck what some silly formula equates to.

That part I'm having trouble getting a read on.

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