 Joke of the day |
  |
 Jun 29, 2004 -> 11:02 AM
Post
#1
|
|
|
Soxtalk Group Thinker  Group: Admin Posts: 103,872 Joined: March 26, 2003 From: Michigan City, IN Member No.: 298  |
An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans enteredItaly, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it."
"Self-preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi. "Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty." "It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly." "You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt." "Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question." "And what is that?" "Should I tell her the war is over?" |
 |
 
|
|
Jun 29, 2004 -> 11:12 AM
Post
#2
|
|
|
Stretch! Group: Members Posts: 8,559 Joined: June 17, 2003 From: Houston Member No.: 615 |
A man was sitting on his couch watching TV one day when the doorbell rang..
He went to answer the door, looked around and saw no one, he then looked down and saw a snail.. The man picked up the snail and threw him.. 10 years later the doorbell rings again and the man again answers the door.. He looks around and no one is there, he then looks down and sees the snail again.. The snail says "What the f*** was that about??" |
|
|
|
|
Jun 29, 2004 -> 11:13 AM
Post
#3
|
|
|
Eye of the Hurricanes Group: Forum Moderator Posts: 9,601 Joined: November 13, 2002 From: Mount Greenwood neighborhood in Chicago Member No.: 47 |
QUOTE(Man Of Steel @ Jun 29 2004, 12:12 PM) A man was sitting on his couch watching TV one day when the doorbell rang.. He went to answer the door, looked around and saw no one, he then looked down and saw a snail.. The man picked up the snail and threw him.. 10 years later the doorbell rings again and the man again answers the door.. He looks around and no one is there, he then looks down and sees the snail again.. The snail says "What the f*** was that about??" LMAO!!!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) |
|
|
|
|
Jun 29, 2004 -> 02:49 PM
Post
#4
|
|
|
Late Inning Replacement Group: Members Posts: 2,570 Joined: March 31, 2004 From: Lockport IL Member No.: 1,425 |
An explorer going through the jungle is captured by the local natives and taken back to their village where he is thrown in a hut and left by himself for hours. Knowing these natives are cannibals, the explorer prays to God when he his inturrupted by the Tribal Chief.
Chief says to the explorer.."My son...i won't lie to you..we ARE cannibals. You have a choice....we can eat you or you can go through the initiation and become part of our tribe. The explorer quickly volenteers for the initiation and is taken into the courtyard where a big feast is laid out. the Chief says" in order to become part of our tribe you must pass the test of the Three huts. in the first hut is a 6 ft. tall flask of wine. you must drink every drop of wine. The second hut contains a angry lion. the lion has a sore tooth and you must pull the tooth from the lions mouth. The third hut is my beautiful daughter....you must make love to her to be part of the tribe." the natives push the explorer into the first hut and shut the door. About two hours later the natives cheer and pound on their drums as the explorer stumbles out s***faced drunk. chief says "very good my son....now it's time for the second hut." Obviously drunk....the explore says "sure..lets' go" and walks into the second hut. After a few moments of silence....the natives hear a blood-curdling scream....a lion roaring...clothes being ripped and then silence. 10...20....30....40 minutes go by and noone says a word. after and hour the Chief turns to his tribe and starts to speak...when the explorer stumbles out and says....."All right..where's the b**** with the sore tooth!!" juddling (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cubs.jpg) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/Drinking.gif) |
|
|
|
|
Jun 29, 2004 -> 05:26 PM
Post
#5
|
|
|
Stretch! Group: Members Posts: 8,559 Joined: June 17, 2003 From: Houston Member No.: 615 |
Ive heard that one before
|
|
|
|
|
Jun 30, 2004 -> 08:46 AM
Post
#6
|
|
|
Soxtalk Hatchet Man Group: NUKE Posts: 12,655 Joined: August 31, 2002 From: Wherever the Army takes me Member No.: 124 |
Polish Joke alert!!!
There were 3 guys walking down the street, an Englishman, an Irishman and a Polak. All of a sudden the grim reaper appears in front of them and says "You guys are going to die right now but since I have pity for you I'll give you a choice in how you want it. You can take a gunshot to the head, drink poison or get the Aids virus." The 3 look at each other for a second then the Englishman pipes up. "Blymie, if I gotta go now I think I'll take one for the queen.....shoot me" The Grim Reaper obliges and shoots him in the head killing him instantly. The Irishman is next to volunteer and knowing the Irish the choice seems clear. "I'll take a swig 'o' poison" says the Irishman and seconds later he falls over dead The polak is the only one left standing and he gives the Grim Reaper a look like he's slick and he's gonna fool someone. "Gimmie the Aids Virus" says the polak and the GR waves his hand and gives him a very advanced form of Aids. The polak laughs out loud while the GR stands there wondering why someone seconds from death is laughing so loud. Finally the Polak explains " HAHA Jokes on you. I was wearing a condom." |
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 23rd May 2013 - 05:14 AM |