GUILLEN

Maybe AJ & co. started hooting and hollering while watching Crash parallel parking? All while munching on some onion rings. Don't stop believing!!!

Where's AL SHARPTON and the FCC. Obviously these Sox players need anger management!!! GIVE ME AN F'N BREAK!!!!! NON-STORY

I want to thank everyone for being here. I've got a quick statement and then I'll take questions. As you may have heard, the rumor that Jessica Alba and I (Guillen13) are an item, has been running rampant over multiple websites. The tubes are filled with high level chatter about the alleged affair between myself and Jessica. At this time I can neither confirm nor deny these rumors, yet continue to encourage any and all guys with websites to continue reporting this story in the most certain of terms. Yes, one person claimed to see Ms. Alba and I "canoodling" when in fact as far as I can say we were "hobnobbing" with the occasional "lollygag" by myself and Jessica, according to a source that is me.

Carl Everett mows my neighbors yard.

Gary Redus asked for my A/S/L !!! MAS PUTO!!!!

Ron Santo asked Heather Mills for the last dance.

I saw Melido Perez sporting some BluBlockers.