From Pat Forde at espn.com:

 

 

 

Dear boss/professor/spouse (circle one):

 

 

Please excuse (blank) from work/school/playing with the children (circle one) for the next seven days. (Blank) is severely ill/has a death in the family/has car trouble (circle one) that will keep him occupied during Championship We -- uh, the week of March 6-12.

 

 

There is also an excellent chance that (blank) will still be ailing/mourning/working on the transmission (circle one) for the Big Dan -- uh, the week of March 13-19.

 

 

In fact, lingering symptoms/prolonged grief/a faulty timing belt (circle one) could hinder (blank)'s attendance and performance into early April.

 

 

We appreciate your compassion, understanding and flexibility during March Mad -- uh, during this difficult time in (blank)'s life.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

 

Forde Minutes

Pretty good stuff, Forde is actually a friend of the family, he was a columnist here in Louisville for a long, long time before moving on to the ESPN.com gig.