JoeBatters Posted April 18, 2003 Share Posted April 18, 2003 Beaten to death with a baseball bat A man is in court for murder and the judge says, 'You have been found guilty of beating your wife to death with a baseball bat." A voice in the back of the courtroom says, "You bastard." Then the judge continues, "You have also been found guilty of beating your daughter to death with a baseball bat." Again, the voice in the back of the court says, "You bastard." The judge says, "Now, we can't have any more outbursts like that or I will find you in contempt of court. Now, what's your problem?" The man in the back of the courtroom says, "For fifteen years I've lived next door to this bastard, and every time I played a game of baseball and asked to borrow a bat, he said he never had one." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeBatters Posted April 18, 2003 Author Share Posted April 18, 2003 Rocker has an operation Rocker had just had an operation. When the surgeon came to see his patient the next day, the pitcher asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before he could resume his sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it," replied the stunned surgeon. 'You're the first one to ever ask that after a tonsillectomy." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeBatters Posted April 18, 2003 Author Share Posted April 18, 2003 Top Darryl Strawberry Complaints 1. Inside pitches can break a coke nail clean off. 2. Didn't get the lead role in "Spin City." 3. Fox network passed on my proposal for "Who Wants To Marry A Crackhead?" 4. Afraid to use any pickup line other than, "Are you a cop?" 5. Pitchers won't even let me near the resin bag. 6. The Reds waive their "no earring" rule for Junior, but the Yankees won't budge on that stupid "no illegal narcotics" thing. 7. After this, I'll be lucky to get a job playing right field in Colombia ... Hey, wait a minute. 8. All the good lawyers are busy defending NFL players. 9. Bought some urine on the black market... found out later it was David Crosby's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeBatters Posted April 18, 2003 Author Share Posted April 18, 2003 Asylum inmates at the baseball game A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up, nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down, nuts!" And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, "Cheer, nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "Well, everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, 'Peanuts!' " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bighurt52235 Posted April 18, 2003 Share Posted April 18, 2003 Two best friends, Frankie and Bartie, played baseball together all through Little League, High School, and College. Frankie played first base, and Bartie was a talented pitcher. They remained friends for their whole life. When they were old, they promised that the first one to die would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. As it turns out, Frankie was the first to go. About a month later he returned to visit his old friend. After their greetings, Frankie said, "I have good news and bad news". Bartie said, " What's the good news?" Frankie said, " The good news is that there IS baseball in heaven! And guess what? I'm the starting first basemen for my team!" "And what's the bad news?" Bartie asked. The bad news is," replied Frankie, "You're starting on Thursday." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeBatters Posted April 18, 2003 Author Share Posted April 18, 2003 Two best friends, Frankie and Bartie, played baseball together all through Little League, High School, and College. Frankie played first base, and Bartie was a talented pitcher. They remained friends for their whole life. When they were old, they promised that the first one to die would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. As it turns out, Frankie was the first to go. About a month later he returned to visit his old friend. After their greetings, Frankie said, "I have good news and bad news". Bartie said, " What's the good news?" Frankie said, " The good news is that there IS baseball in heaven! And guess what? I'm the starting first basemen for my team!" "And what's the bad news?" Bartie asked. The bad news is," replied Frankie, "You're starting on Thursday." Good one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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