Daily Diaries...

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!

10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!

11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

Noon Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!

1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!

4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!

5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!

6:00 p.m.. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!

8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY

Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with

bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh

meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that

keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I

get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I

may eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet

while they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the

top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these

vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their

favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an

attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try

to strike fear into their hearts... They only cooed and

condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not

working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was

placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I

could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I

overheard that my confinement was due to my power of

"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my

advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The

dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.

He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got

to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain

he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the

metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time now...