Now that it appears likely that Pete Rose will be reinstated, AND since the rumor is that he won't even have to admit to betting on baseball ( highly UNLIKELY, if you ask me ), I thought I should come up with a list of

 

THE TOP 10 Things Pete Rose will have to admit to in order to gain reinstatement

 

 

10. Still wears tight old Reds uniform under clothes

 

9. Appearing at WWF pay-per-views is more embarrassing than lifetime ban

 

8. Met with John Henry Williams about freezing DNA - backed out when he realized you have to be dead first

 

7. Why the bad haircuts? You guessed it.....LOST A BET

 

6. Both testicles crushed by head-first slides gone wrong

 

5. Always thought Marge Schott was "kind of a MILF"

 

4. Always thought Schottzi was "kind of a DILF"

 

3. Finally admits that Pete Rose Jr. is actually a daughter

 

2. Accidentally bet on Jose Rijo to win the Kentucky Derby

 

 

 

and the NUMBER ONE THING Pete Rose will have to admit to gain reinstatement IS.....

 

The nickname "Hit King"???.......kinda gay.....

 

 

 

Thank you.....thank you very much.....please tip the waitresses, they work hard.....try the veal.....I'll be here all week, two shows on Friday and Saturday......goodnight!!!!

ENCORE, ENCORE