CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER

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"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I

feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about

the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and

dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out

of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say

to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let

their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about

my liver."

~ Jack Handy

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up

in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all

day. "

~Frank Sinatra

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think

! not."

~ Stephen Wright

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall

asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we

commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get

drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history

of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was

also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly

as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!

~ "Unknown"

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Remember "I"! before "E", except in Budweiser.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.

Salvation in a can!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for! last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,

of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the

Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

 

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can

only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd

is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back

that are killed first. This natural selection is good for

the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health

of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing

of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human

brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.

But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells

first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates

the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more

efficient machine. ! That's why you always feel smarter

after a few beers."

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can

only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd

is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back

that are killed first. This natural selection is good for

the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health

of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing

of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human

brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.

But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells

first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates

the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more

efficient machine. ! That's why you always feel smarter

after a few beers."

''you know, an old doctor once told me--

you'd better start slowing it down

 

but there're more old drunks

than there're old doctors

 

so i guess we better have another round''

 

-------willie nelson

'i gotta get drunk'