T O P 5 C L A S S I C

Past Performance Is No Guarantee of Future Laughs ==================================================================

 

 

May 7, 2004

 

(Today's list was originally published on April 29, 1999)

 

 

The Top 13 Signs Your Presidential

Candidate Is a Deadhead

 

 

13> Has already picked his live-in, Melody, as his "Secretary

of Dreams."

 

12> Instead of old fashioned whistle-stop campaign, wants to

go "truckin'."

 

11> "Building a Bong to the 21st... whatever."

 

10> Typical debate rejoinder: "Whoa. You're harshing my mellow."

 

9> "Inhaled? s***, I toked righteously!"

 

8> Claims that, 150 years before he invented the Internet,

he invented patchouli.

 

7> His explanation why he never registered for the draft:

"I spaced."

 

6> Interrupts debate with charges that his opponent is

"bogarting the microphone"

 

5> Giggles uncontrollably when someone says "acid rain".

 

4> Breaks into a 20-minute-long, incomprehensible ramble in

the middle of every speech.

 

3> Can't spell "potato"; CAN spell "ganja."

 

2> Freely admits inhaling. Adamantly denies bogarting.

 

 

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your

Presidential Candidate Is a Deadhead...

 

 

1> He actually *likes* spending years traveling around the

country with the same act, distributing buttons,

t-shirts, and tapes.