Cubs Fans in Shock

Discover Wrigley Field Is Not a Bar

 

By

 

Todd Allen

 

 

 

(Chicago, IL) – Thousands of Cubs fans were in a state of shock at an afternoon baseball game, last Thursday, when Cubs management formally announced that Wrigley Field was a ballpark, not a bar.

 

Disbelief reigned in the Wrigley’s famed bleachers, as loyal "bleacher bums" attempted to come to terms that they’d actually been attending sporting events all these years.

 

"I’d always wondered why there wasn’t patio seating in the grass, er, outfield," said commodities trader and long-time ticket holder Alex Camdan. "I guess that would explain why they have such an early last call, though." Camden refers to the decision to stop beer sales after the 7th inning, in the aftermath of a well-publicized brawl between Wrigley Field spectators and L.A. Dodgers players.

 

Camdan seems to be typical of young professionals who flock to Chicago’s north side in search of a good time.

 

"So that’s why the beer girls never go topless," said Big 5 consultant Anthony Minosa, who claimed to be on his fifth beer at the top of the second inning. "You’re not going to quote me are you? I told my boss I was supposed to home sick."

 

Drinking isn’t the only non-baseball activity popular at Wrigley. Referred to as "the world’s largest singles’ club" by at least one sports columnist, meeting and greeting the opposite sex is on the mind of many stadium visitors.

 

"It’s like ladies’ night, every time," said real estate broker Angela Dundee. "I’ve never had to buy my own drink once. The boys in the bleachers are the friendliest people I’ve ever met. The only people who aren’t friendly are those guys with the funny clothes and leather gloves on the ground. Did you say they were ball players? I thought professional athletes would look more, you know, athletic."

 

"I don’t care if it’s a tractor pull, this is the best place to get dates I’ve ever been at," Martin Lewin, a trust-fund recipient from suburban Lake Forest stated.

 

While the Wrigley faithful were taken aback by the realization they were actually baseball fans, they seem willing to adapt.

 

"That’s cool," mused used car salesman Larry Bustman. "I used to collect baseball cards when I was a kid. I guess I can start doing it again.."

 

A Cubs spokesman stated the club viewed fan reaction to the news as a chance to increase merchandising revenues. "We’re in the entertainment business, and these new revelations give us opportunities in various areas. In addition expanding our program vendors’ wares to include ‘Baseball For Dummies’ to help spectators acquaint themselves with the game, we’re looking at adding drink specials and a house band for the seventh inning stretch to help people feel more comfortable during this transition period."

 

 

good stuff mooch

Spending a game in the bleachers at wrigley is a must for any Sox fan. It provides endless amounts of ammunition and ridiculous stories to tell Cubs fans. It's an experience that will further your Cub fan hate by leaps and bounds. I've been to probly 3-4 games in the bleachers over the past few years, and every time i "learn" something new about Cubs fans. You don' know how stupid they are until you've spent a game or two in the bleachers.

uh oh, you were AT A GAME in Wrigley? You're not a true Sox fan then...

 

 

Spending a game in the bleachers at wrigley is a must for any Sox fan. It provides endless amounts of ammunition and ridiculous stories to tell Cubs fans. It's an experience that will further your Cub fan hate by leaps and bounds. I've been to probly 3-4 games in the bleachers over the past few years, and every time i "learn" something new about Cubs fans.  You don' know how stupid they are until you've spent a game or two in the bleachers.

LMAO but let's be fair

 

I'm going to Sox hell for this but . . .

 

Those depicted are about as common at both parks. We claim their fans are clueless yuppies and they claim our fans are drunks who run out on the field and assault coaches and players. Both are unfair.

 

I know a few Cub fans who are as knowledgable about baseball as anyone. The more they know the better I get along with them.

 

As a kid I got goosebumps walking up the ramp into the sunshine at Wrigley. Seeing the players warming up and the Ivy was a cool sight. I thought the troughs were sick.

 

As a kid I got goosebumps walking to my seat at Cominsky. I loved night games, and the atmosphere. The scoreboard was awesome.

 

I remember an uncle saying Wrigley, daytime, manual scoreboard, etc. was for baseball purists and exploding scoreboards, night games, and other gimicks was for partiers.

 

God how I dislike clueless Cub fans.

Cubs games have a much higher percentage of clueless yuppies than Sox games...i realize there are plenty of knowledgeable cubs fans. The fair weather type fans are so high in number on the North side that it overshadows the good Cubs fans.