Excerpts from How to Play Baseball the Scotty Pods Way:

 

 

On base-stealing:

 

"You don't need to be fast to steal bases, it is all in the technique; and if you have no technique, just f***ing take off the minute the pitcher steps on the rubber".

Scotty on laying claim to a position:

 

All you have to do is look the part. If you are skinny and agile it will be assumed that you can play centerfield. Just concentrate on looking like you belong, that is way more important than actually being able to judge a flyball, or hit the cutoff man. Make sure you wear tight fitting shirts to show off your physique. At team dinners make sure you pass on dessert. Be sure to get vanity license plates that say OF4LIFE. I sign all autographs: Scott Podsednik: Outfielder. I purchased three replica gold gloves on ebay that look just like the real thing, I keep them on my mantle. I had Ozzie and Mrs. Ozzie over for dinner once and I noticed him looking fairly closely at them... I am pretty sure he bought it. In the occupation category on facebook I wrote: Outfielder. I consider myself more of a con-man or magician than a center or left fielder. YOU need to convince the manager that you are an outfielder.

 

 

 

Pods chimes in on offense:

 

After you strikeout (and if you are reading this book you will strikeout): Show no emotion; walk briskly straight into the dugout, DO NOT make eye contact with teammates or the coaching staff. The majority of the time people won't be paying enough attention to even realize you are no longer at-bat. If anyone asks you about your at-bat, just reply: Your what hurts?

He also shares his advice on sabremetrics:

 

Your average chick at the bar, team groupies and even your wife... none of them have any idea what on base percentage is... don't f***ing worry about it. I have had more than 50 at bats this season and my OBP is .285. That is awful, yet posters on Soxtalk.com are already saying they are pleasantly surprised by my performance thus far... RZR? OPS? Who cares?

Scott shares tips on sliding:

Always slide head first, it will make it look like you REALLY WANT to be safe; it is also extra effective if you slide head first and happen to be white. And don't even think about wiping that dirt off your uniform young man. A dirty uniform means you tried EXTRA HARD to bring your team the victory.

 

And his final thoughts:

 

Make certain you keep your cell phone on and charged at all times. You never know when a general manager will want to fool the average fan into thinking he is doing everything he can to win. The call may come even when you least suspect it... hell my agent told me I was finished, he said there are 100 guys unsigned that can play better outfield defense than me; But I said how many of these guys are named Scott Podsednik? How many of these guys actually LOOK like they should be able to leadoff and play centerfield? That is what I thought...

Edited May 21, 200916 yr by GREEDY

Scott Podsednik: An Erotic Life.

Posednik has been picked off three consecutive days, and i do not care that he took second two of the times. It's inexcusable. He also just got doubled off first with the bases loaded, there is no reason to be that far off the bag with the bases loaded and zero outs. f*** face.

He should not be here, Dergen ftw

I purchased three replica gold gloves on ebay that look just like the real thing, I keep them on my mantle. I had Ozzie and Mrs. Ozzie over for dinner once and I noticed him looking fairly closely at them... I am pretty sure he bought it.

 

I LOLed so hard at that. That just made my day.

Sounds like good business practices, but he's not fooling anyone.

One way, and only one way Pods can stay on... Lisa Dergan has to become a Chevy Pride Girl.

Was that pic taken at old yankee stadium?

Great post.