Here it is folks. He's got it right, too.
Guess I won't have to shine Hawk Harrelson's shoes, not that there's enough spit in Chicago to make them look good anyway. That was my promise if the White Sox, as hinted recently by general manager Ken Williams, not only pursued Carlos Beltran but signed the free agent who is poised to become baseball's best player.
But I knew it was merely a headline-grabbing joke, with confirmation coming this week when Williams said he won't seek Beltran or any other player represented by Charles Manson. The man's name actually is Scott Boras, yet to hear Sox executives describe him, you'd think he was an escapee from a maximum-security prison and not the most powerful agent in sports. Seems the Sox don't like the contract prices established by Boras for his clients, which is another way of saying chairman Jerry Reinsdorf once again is prioritizing his cost-conscious ways and grudge against the superagent over the fact his ballclub hasn't won a postseason series since, oh, 1917.
I realize I'm merely a "pissant'' in Reinsdorf's world, recalling how he described me on a TV show. But this pissant nonetheless is launching a campaign demanding that he sell the team to a group with the financial means and commitment -- the Comcast Sports empire, perhaps -- to compete for championships in a big market. Otherwise, the Sox might tumble into total irrelevance while The Ballmall Formerly Known as Comiskey Park becomes a sausage factory.
When Reinsdorf declares war on Boras through his Kenny doll, he might as well wave another white flag before next season. Each passing year, Boras inches closer to cornering the market on the finest talent and obviously is the preferred choice of star players seeking optimum value, considering he represents Alex ($252 million) Rodriguez and 16 others among the sport's 100 highest-paid players. This time, he is offering up seven prominent names -- Beltran, Magglio Ordonez, Adrian Beltre, J.D. Drew, Jason Varitek, Kevin Lowe and Kevin Millwood -- and should command about a half-billion dollars in return.
Small-market mind-set
The Sox aren't participating in his game. We live in Chicago, after all, a puny town of less than a million people with very little industry and a scarcity of disposable income. What's especially galling about this No Boras stance is that Williams announced it only days after the Sox underbid for free-agent shortstop Omar Vizquel, who is not a Boras guy and was supposed to be the first evidence of manager Ozzie Guillen's newfangled emphasis on defense, pitching, fundamentals and IQ. For weeks, word was out that the Sox planned on getting a jump on free agency by throwing $10 million over two seasons at Vizquel, who would be their fielding wizard and leadoff hitter.
Turns out their offer was the height of arrogance. How dare Williams think Vizquel would huff and puff and run to the Sox when a better organization, the San Francisco Giants, produced a bit more money ($12.2 million) over three guaranteed seasons. It figures a Reinsdorf operation would get hung up on years -- over Kenny's dead body was he going more than two -- than bid aggressively for a player who would have jump-started interest in the 2005 season and created some good offseason vibes.
''Length of the contract was very important to me,'' Vizquel said. "When the Giants came up with the offer, it didn't take long to make up my mind. I've been in the playoffs and World Series, and just being on a contending team is special.''
Rarely are the Sox one of those teams. They could impress us by chasing the best non-Boras clients, such as Randy Johnson, Carl Pavano, Edgar Renteria and Nomar Garciaparra. But Reinsdorf has made it clear he isn't pushing the payroll past $65 million, meaning his idea of a free-agent middle infielder is Placido Polanco, who is neither an opera singer nor a major talent. And forget the nonsense about sending Paul Konerko to Arizona for Johnson, who has veto power over trades and surely has no interest in finishing his career for a third-place team on the South Side. Think I'm underestimating the Sox' chances next year? Even as the Twins lose Brad Radke, Cristian Guzman and other pieces, they'll still be the Twins. Cleveland is said to be seeking Matt Clement and a closer. Detroit wants Troy Percival, Carlos Delgado and Jeff Kent. Hell, the Sox might be a .500 club.
World Series not the goal
It's painful enough how they bungled the Ordonez situation. Williams has treated a good man rudely and taken his free agency for granted, starting with comments in September that Ordonez had a "rare'' knee injury that clouded his future. A day later, Ordonez said how upset he was that Williams was speaking out of turn and promised the knee would be "100 percent'' by spring training. Rather than respect the free-agent process, Williams all but expected Ordonez to accept a one-year deal in arbitration. When Ordonez signed with Boras, it was the last straw for the Sox, even though Maggs has invited them and all other major-league teams to watch him work out at the winter meetings starting Dec. 10. The Sox could set aside their differences, watch Ordonez run and make an offer if the knee is healthy.
But don't you see? They don't want to sign him. He's a Boras guy, and he wants to be paid big money. Never mind if Dr. Kenny looks like a quack in the end.
According to Jerrynomics, the enemy isn't the Red Sox, the Yankees or even the Twins and Indians. No, Reinsdorf's idea of winning a pennant is dissing Boras, who must be laughing hysterically.
Allow me to remind Reinsdorf that he is baseball's longest-tenured owner without a World Series appearance, that expansion teams in Florida and Arizona have won three World Series over the last eight years while his club has made the playoffs once, that Sox of another color finally broke through after 86 years and won the World Series last month. If his franchise isn't dying, it never has seemed more irrelevant in this town, particularly in an offseason when the Cubs are swiftly maneuvering to dump Sammy Sosa to the Mets so they have the megamillions to make at least a credible run at Beltran.
Yet Anna Nicole Smith has a better chance of sobering up before Reinsdorf starts reinvesting more profits into his product. The longer he practices Kansas City economics in the nation's third-largest market, the more secondary and stale the Sox will be in the big-thinking, big-spending era of the Cubs. He and his minions can lampoon the media, but the smart fans aren't listening. All they want to know is how the Sox plan to win a World Series.
Answer: They won't, as long as Reinsdorf and his people own the team. Please sell it.
