April 20, 200421 yr http://www.whitesoxcentral.com/stateofsox.html Any feedback would be cool. I wrote this in about an hour....
April 20, 200421 yr It sucks Ok, now I'll actually read it and see what I think... I shall be right back
April 20, 200421 yr Great article...I loved how your wraped it up. Soxheads: Wrapup The Sox are off to an 8-4 start this year and can be considered a surprise to many people who don’t follow the organization. The talent is most definitely there. Now it’s just a matter of utilizing that talent out on the the field, and Ozzie Guillen appears to be the guy who can get that talent to produce. Headsie ya did a great job, you should persue writing if ya intrested enough in it.
April 20, 200421 yr Author I just tried to see how many times I could fit 'talent' in there sensibly.
April 20, 200421 yr It's a solid article. It basically sums up the season thus far, and is well written. However, there is one part that is kind of awkward and repetitive... His defense has been spectacular, as witnessed by Hideki Matsui. Matsui witnessed Olivo’s exemplary arm as he was picked off at second base. To me, it seems like you're saying the same thing twice. I see nothing blatantly wrong with it, and there's nothing I disagree with much. Looks good to me.
April 20, 200421 yr Author I don't really see myself writing in the future....mainly cause I don't come up with ideas really well...i like to write, but I doubt it'd ever be more than a hobby.
April 20, 200421 yr Author It's a solid article. It basically sums up the season thus far, and is well written. However, there is one part that is kind of awkward and repetitive... To me, it seems like you're saying the same thing twice. I see nothing blatantly wrong with it, and there's nothing I disagree with much. Looks good to me. Must be a North Dakota thing....things are different down here in Iowa... Actually, it was the way I'm being taught to write in my AP Lit and Comp class....introduce something, then back it up....it's a real pain in the ass.
April 20, 200421 yr Must be a North Dakota thing....things are different down here in Iowa... Actually, it was the way I'm being taught to write in my AP Lit and Comp class....introduce something, then back it up....it's a real pain in the ass. :finger I understand what you're saying and how you are trying to point it out. I just think it is a little awkward using the same verb twice in a row like that...maybe it just soudns weird to me. I just think that "His defense has been spectacular, as witnessed by Hideki Matsui. Matsui witnessed Olivo’s exemplary arm as he was picked off at second base" with 'witnessed' being the key verb both times could be upgraded a little. IMO, "His defense has been spectacular, as seen first-hand by Hideki Matsui. Matsui witnessed Olivo’s exemplary arm as he was picked off at second base. " To me, the way I have it worded just seems a little more colorful. Using the same verb, especially in back-to-back sentences, seems to get a little boring. Using synonyms like that I think can help make articles more fun to read. I couldn't have written an article like that with such big words, and that's the only thing that I found really wrong. It's nothing to complain about
April 20, 200421 yr I skimmed through it and thought it was a good piece as well Alex. there were times when you were a bit repetitive and could've combined two sentences, but it was a good piece overall. considering your age, you could definitely become a writer, but as you said, the getting the ideas is the hard part. there are some good writers out there, but they can't think of more than one thing to write every month or so.
April 20, 200421 yr there are some good writers out there, but they can't think of more than one thing to write every month or so. Geeze, that reminds me of someone Mario Good Stuff Alex, it was well written.
April 20, 200421 yr It sucks Ok, now I'll actually read it and see what I think... I shall be right back Heh WhiteSoxFan! The only thing missing from the story is those great No.Dakota jokes.
April 20, 200421 yr Heh WhiteSoxFan! The only thing missing from the story is those great No.Dakota jokes. Montana ain't much better!
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