October 22, 200421 yr These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." They are statements people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. __________________________________________________ Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." ______________________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year _____________________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. _____________________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten? ______________________________________________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ______________________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. _________________________________________ Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. _______________________________________ Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. ________________________________________ Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it. ________________________________________ Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? ________________________________________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ________________________________________ Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he? _________________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? _________________________________________ Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? _________________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? __________________________________________ Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? __________________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? _________________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? _________________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ________________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ________________________________________ Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? A: OK. Q: What school did you go to? A: Oral. _________________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ___________________________________________ Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? ___________________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
October 22, 200421 yr My two favorites, make me laugh out loud: Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? A: OK. Q: What school did you go to? A: Oral. _________________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
October 22, 200421 yr Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
October 22, 200421 yr Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. I hope we do not have any lawyers on the boards but I am LMAO
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