This is just too good...

 

link

 

One of the highlights:

 

There are a lot of issues in this election. The biggest one right now is the economy.

 

STEWART: We were in this huge credit crisis, out of money. Then the Fed goes, We'll give you a trillion dollars, and all of a sudden Wall Street is like, ''I can't believe we got away with it!'' Can you imagine if someone said, ''I shouldn't have bought that sports car because it means I can't have my house,'' and the bank just said, ''All right, you can have your house. And you know what? Keep the car.'' [He throws up his arms joyfully and shouts] ''Yeaaaaah, I get to keep the car! Wait, do I have to give the money back?'' ''No, it doesn't matter.'' ''Yeah, I'm gonna get another car! I'm gonna do the same thing the same way, except twice as f---ed up!''

COLBERT: The idea that Lehman Brothers doesn't get any money and AIG does reminds me very much of ''Iran is a mortal enemy because they have not achieved a nuclear weapon. But North Korea is a country we can work with, because they have a nuclear weapon.'' The idea is, Get big or go home. How big can you f--- up? Can you f--- up so bad that you would ruin the world economy? If it's just 15,000 who are out of jobs, no. You have to actually be a global f---up to get any help.

Haha. I'm going to quit making payments on my car and see if my bank will just pay my house off instead so I can get a break and make my payments easier.

Will the government bail me out of my student loans?

Will the government bail me out of my student loans?

You're just a little f***up, so you wouldn't qualify.

Will the government bail me out of my student loans?

That'd sure be nice to not have to pay those bad boys anymore!

Haha. I'm going to quit making payments on my car and see if my bank will just pay my house off instead so I can get a break and make my payments easier.

Steven came up with the solution months ago in a "Bears & Balls" segment. You just have to borrow enough money to buy roughly a $200 billion house. That way, if your mortgage goes under, it will dramatically affect the GDP and the Government will be forced to bail you out.