April 16, 2004

 

(Today's list was originally published on April 5, 1999)

 

 

The Top 14 Signs You're Married to a Liberal

 

 

14> In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were

replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her

reproductive freedom."

 

13> Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is

starting to block the sun.

 

12> Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.

 

11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself

enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.

 

10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you

wipe your own ass.

 

9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given

your killer.

 

8> You casually mention your "Euthanize the Homeless" idea

and -- BANG! -- no sex for a month.

 

7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let's get

to the mall and buy something!

 

6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse."

 

5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the

impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket

launcher.

 

4> At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!"

 

3> It's bad enough that he looks like an extra from "Deliverance"

-- now he can't keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those

talk shows.

 

2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is

murder!"

 

 

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Liberal...

 

 

1> She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and

Innocent Native Americans" again.

 

 

 

 

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 1999, 2004 by Chris White ]

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2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!"

LMAO!

9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given

your killer.

11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself

    enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.

Ironic that it's the Republicans who are pushing the $1.5BIllion for marriage...

4> At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!"

 

That was good.

Left off the most obvious one:

You're not--your significant other finds the idea of marriage oppressive and demeaning (as he/she tells you to take out the trash).

6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse."

My socks are 'holey'! , does that make me a right-wing religious zealot? Although I have both white AND black socks. I think I even have a brown pair somewhere. Hmmm.