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The corny jokes thread

Featured Replies

QUOTE (SoxFan1 @ May 1, 2008 -> 10:38 PM)
0 am passed man. You fail.

 

What time is it when the clock strikes the 13th hour?

 

 

 

 

Time to get a new clock

 

In a related story, I steal jokes off of Laffy Taffy wrappers.

QUOTE (witesoxfan @ May 2, 2008 -> 01:15 AM)
What time is it when the clock strikes the 13th hour?

 

 

 

 

Time to get a new clock

 

In a related story, I steal jokes off of Laffy Taffy wrappers.

 

What do Astronauts eat in their sandwiches?

 

 

 

 

 

Launch Meat.

 

 

 

 

QUOTE (knightni @ May 1, 2008 -> 11:21 PM)
What do Astronauts eat in their sandwiches?

 

 

 

 

 

Launch Meat.

Where do cows go on a Friday night?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To The Mooooovies.

What's green and sings?

 

 

 

 

 

Elvis Parsley

  • Author

What did I start?

 

 

 

 

a bunch of people telling really corny jokes meant for 7 year olds

A strings walks up to a bar. He orders a drink but the bartender throws him out and yells "We don't serve strings in this bar!"

The string gets up off the ground, roughs up himself, curls up and goes back inside the bar.

The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I said?"

The string says "Yeah."

The bartender says, "Aren't you a string?"

The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."

  • Author

Where do wasp's go to get healed when they have an injury?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The wasp-ital.

What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?

 

 

 

If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this jam!

Yes! I love this new thread. Totally dig corny jokes.

Why was the tombstone always unhappy?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone kept taking him for granite.

My favorite

 

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unique up on it.

Why was the math book so sad?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had a lot of problems.

Louis Ck's list of terrible jokes:

 

What do you call it when a long fish didn't quite make it?

 

- he eelmost made it.

 

 

 

What do you call a young cat with crap all over it?

 

- A s***ten.

 

 

 

What is the most talkative condiment?

 

- Mayosays.

 

 

 

What do you call a gay man when YOU have a cold?

 

- a hobo.

 

 

What should you use to write down that you just took a dump?

 

-a number 2 pencil.

 

 

 

Where do you leave a hair pie to cool it off?

 

-on the vagisil.

 

 

 

What do you call it when you have your name written on your breasts?

 

- Identitties

 

 

 

What do you call it when a lumberjack farts?

 

- He cut the trees.

 

 

 

What do you call a piece of crap that is horizontal, up against an erect penis that is vertical?

 

- Poop-and-dick-cular

 

 

 

What do you call some guys with large backbones who sodomize pettite people?

 

- Spinal men-in-tight-ass

 

 

 

What do you call a fast food chain that gives you gas?

 

-Burper King

 

 

 

What do you call it when you are worried that someone has a tumor?

 

- You are cancerned about him/her

 

 

 

What do you call a chinese homosexual?

 

- A gasian.

 

 

 

What do you call it when you press your tits onto someone's balls?

 

- Chesticles.

 

 

 

What do you call a lesbian who drives around in a Ford Winstar full of dimembered penises?

 

- A Dick-Van Dyke.

 

 

 

What do you call the female child of the woman who helps you while you're pregnant? Also the woman is from Boston and the child is sort of oddly tall shaped.

 

- My doula's oblong daughtah.

 

 

 

What did the hillbilly jewish guy say when his mother got sick and he didn't care?

 

- Ma's ill? Tough!

 

 

 

What do you call it when you kill yourself by letting too many animals in your house?

 

- Zooinsid

 

 

 

What do you call an infant who has been raised by homosexual parents?

 

- A gaby.

 

 

 

What do you call it when you go out with a woman and you force her to eat pancakes?

 

- Date crepe.

 

 

 

What do you call a nun who you don't like?

 

- A nunt.

 

 

 

Why can't a soldier look whistfully at the ocean?

 

- Because there's no Gaze in the military.

 

 

 

What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his balls?

 

-A Dogsn't

These are right up my alley.......

 

 

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

 

A little horse

 

 

If a fruit grows on a fruit tree, what kind of tree does a chicken grow on?

A: A poultree

 

 

My friends and I are always trying to out-pun each other and they have to be ultra corny. One of them just IM'd me "Thai?" and I replied "No, today is business casual".

How do you shoot a blue elephant?

 

With a blue elephant gun!

 

 

How do you shoot a pink elephant?

 

Hold his nose until he turns blue and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun!

A man walks into a bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You'd think he would have seen it.

What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?

 

 

 

 

A Watchdog.

What did the worm say to the caterpillar?

 

 

 

 

 

Hey, where'd ya get the fur coat.

If a deaf person has to go to court for trial, is it still called a hearing?

A horse walks into a bar...the bartender says:

 

 

 

Why the long face?

What did the girl sea say to the boy sea when he asked her on a date?

 

 

 

 

Shore.

How about some punchlines only...?

 

Rectum...damn near killed 'im!

 

Would I? Harelip.

Hey Doc! Would you mind if I sew up my own wound after the operation is finished. Suture-self!

Gotta have the old standby...

 

Why was six afraid of seven?

 

 

 

 

 

Because seven eight (ate) nine!

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