So, we've got a serious discussion about your views on big issues. But if you had only one (slightly silly) platform on which to run, what would it be? Inspiration taken from the Rent Is Too Damn High Party, who, if elected will make rent go down, "because they say so."

 

So, what's your one issue?

Light Rail.

I would be a proud Bee.

 

My party platform would be to replace "The Star Spangled Banner" with Bea Arthur's rendition of "Oh Why-o, why-o Did I Ever Leave Ohio?" as our national anthem.

I would have to run on the platform of "At least I understand Econ 101".

How about "One nation, One Pizza; Deep Dish forever"

If elected I would require every citizen to visit, via non motorized means, a State or National Park twice a year and must identify ten birds or animals by sound.

You have to pass a state test and get a permit to have kids that proves you are able to take care of and are competent enough to raise them.

Requires anyone not working at a bank to balance their check book so I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT FOR YOU

Protection of the American Indian. Aside from possibly slavery, there has been no other event in American history where we did so much wrong as our wiping out of a civilization. It would be nice if we treated what was left of it with at least some basic level or human respect. Seeing as they are currently being taken "care" of by the most corrupt agency in the federal government (BIA), and the majority of Indians on reservations are living in squalor... I think we can do a little better.

My platform would be the "Honest Grist" platform and it would demand that all American brewers immediately and henceforth abandon the use of adjunct cereal grains that make most American beers thin and cr@ppy, instead using only malted barley and wheat as the chief fermentables in their products.

 

The resulting beer would be soooo damn good the whole nation will fall into a drunken stupor and I will quietly consolidate extraordinary powers within the person of the Executive. With these powers I will order an immediate end to all reality TV shows, mandate that "Take me Out to the Ballgame" be the only song sung during the 7th Inning Stretch, and push hard for the passage of a blanket resolution granting a suspension of marital fidelity obligations on the part of the person of the Executive in any instances specifically involving Kate Beckinsale.

 

I would then make sure Kate Beckinsale had heard about all the good beer and maybe bring her up a couple of cases.

Kate=heaven

My platform would be the "Honest Grist" platform and it would demand that all American brewers immediately and henceforth abandon the use of adjunct cereal grains that make most American beers thin and cr@ppy, instead using only malted barley and wheat as the chief fermentables in their products.

 

The resulting beer would be soooo damn good the whole nation will fall into a drunken stupor and I will quietly consolidate extraordinary powers within the person of the Executive. With these powers I will order an immediate end to all reality TV shows, mandate that "Take me Out to the Ballgame" be the only song sung during the 7th Inning Stretch, and push hard for the passage of a blanket resolution granting a suspension of marital fidelity obligations on the part of the person of the Executive in any instances specifically involving Kate Beckinsale.

 

I would then make sure Kate Beckinsale had heard about all the good beer and maybe bring her up a couple of cases.

Nice to see someone put some thought into this and truly wishes to help all of mankind.

I would run against pepperment candy canes, because they're disgusting.

I would run against pepperment candy canes, because they're disgusting.

 

you're probably against vagina nuzzling too....

you're probably against vagina nuzzling too....

Only if it's peppermint flavored.

Only if it's peppermint flavored.

 

I'm not sure exactly how we got here, but I'm having a real difficult time deciding between the better beer and the Peppermint Pootang.

I'm not sure exactly how we got here, but I'm having a real difficult time deciding between the better beer and the Peppermint Pootang.

 

Didn't the Peppermint Poontang open for Cream and The Buffalo Springfield at the Fillmore in '68?

 

man i'm thirsty now.

I was going to post something semi-serious, but I guess I got it too late.

Didn't the Peppermint Poontang open for Cream and The Buffalo Springfield at the Fillmore in '68?

 

Wow. Just wow.

Didn't the Peppermint Poontang open for Cream and The Buffalo Springfield at the Fillmore in '68?

 

 

No, I saw them open up for The Sweet and Andy Kim, the hairiest man in Rock N Roll, at the Palace in 74.