the words on this subject title dont go together

I have found that how a couple handles money is sympomatic of how they handle their other problems. If they can talk about the other stuff, they can talk about this. For us, it is just another one of the things to get taken care of.

During my first marriage we kept one account and my wife over time pretty much controlled it. That led to a lot of friction and poor management practices. Next time I'm leaning towards a her, mine, and ours approach. I've been researching and it seems like a nice way to allow some independence while keeping shared goals and responsibilities.

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think there should be "independence" when it comes to money in a marriage - at least not with any significance. Get a cookie jar and put extra money in there and both are free to take with no questions asked.

 

I would feel like something is being hidden from me if we had separate accounts. And it can only lead astray to a good balanced budget.

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think there should be "independence" when it comes to money in a marriage - at least not with any significance. Get a cookie jar and put extra money in there and both are free to take with no questions asked.

 

I would feel like something is being hidden from me if we had separate accounts. And it can only lead astray to a good balanced budget.

 

If I get coins I don't spend them and throw them into bucket for "other" stuff. Sometimes it is emergencies, but usually we use it for something extra. We have only one account, and we both have full access and knowledge of it. We discuss most purchases, not because we have to, but because it helps us to keep a handle on how much we are spending.

 

It works for us.

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think there should be "independence" when it comes to money in a marriage - at least not with any significance. Get a cookie jar and put extra money in there and both are free to take with no questions asked.

 

I would feel like something is being hidden from me if we had separate accounts. And it can only lead astray to a good balanced budget.

 

I disagree. If you have a solid relationship, there should be no trust issues. And with two accounts, there's no fighting over how much a pair of shoes/new purse cost vs. a new Wii or bowling ball or something. As long as the bills are paid FIRST, and money is put away to be saved, there should be no problem balancing a budget.

 

Plus, if you have a shared account, there's a chance one party can siphon it off without you knowing. This way you aren't completely reliant on the other person in case something happens.

Edited October 22, 200817 yr by CanOfCorn

I disagree. If you have a solid relationship, there should be no trust issues. And with two accounts, there's no fighting over how much a pair of shoes/new purse cost vs. a new Wii or bowling ball or something. As long as the bills are paid FIRST, and money is put away to be saved, there should be no problem balancing a budget.

 

Plus, if you have a shared account, there's a chance one party can siphon it off without you knowing. This way you aren't completely reliant on the other person in case something happens.

 

I disagree. With one account we don't fight over how much shoes and bowling balls cost because we have a solid relationship. When we married we became ONE.

 

Your two paragraphs completely contradict each other. In the first you say you shouldn't have any trust issues in a good relationship so feel free to have separate accounts. But in the second it sounds as if you're CYA in case your solid relationship siphons your account.

 

I disagree. With one account we don't fight over how much shoes and bowling balls cost because we have a solid relationship. When we married we became ONE.

 

Your two paragraphs completely contradict each other. In the first you say you shouldn't have any trust issues in a good relationship so feel free to have separate accounts. But in the second it sounds as if you're CYA in case your solid relationship siphons your account.

Eh... I'm still my own person and so is she, we have our own personal wants and priorities. I pay my share of the bills the first few days of the month, she pays hers when she gets them, we buy food and whatnot together. After that I want my Xbox games, she wants her new clothes, and so on, there's no arguing over what's fair because we've worked all that out already.

 

Plus, frankly, she isn't the best when it comes to financial discipline, so for example if she blows through all her spending money for the month it becomes her problem and not mine. As long as she doesn't dip into the "shared" pool neither one of us cares what the other does with the rest of the money.

Very recent newlywed here. We decided in the name of budget accountability and to best forge ahead in paying off high interest debt first, regardless of which one of us it came from, to have a single account. Hopefully there's never too much of a discrepancy in our earnings that could lead to some resentment from the higher earner. We've really bought into the whole union thing so we feel this will work best for us short term and long term.

I disagree. With one account we don't fight over how much shoes and bowling balls cost because we have a solid relationship. When we married we became ONE.

 

That is exactly how I felt during my first marriage, we did become one.

 

Now I look at that and realize we didn't do everything together, and we didn't share a toothbrush. Sometimes she needed her time with friends, sometimes I needed mine (personal space). I think there is room for some independence, not in case of divorce, but sudden death. My ex-mother in law faced the death of her husband and had no clue what they had and where it was. She has no credit score because nothing was ever in her name. They were "one" as God intended, and that was her desire.

 

As I researched this over and over again money matters was a prime reason that couples divorced. You worked out something that works for you and that is perfect. Others find ways that work for them, and that is perfect. It's when there is a mismatch that issues develope.

I disagree. With one account we don't fight over how much shoes and bowling balls cost because we have a solid relationship. When we married we became ONE.

 

Your two paragraphs completely contradict each other. In the first you say you shouldn't have any trust issues in a good relationship so feel free to have separate accounts. But in the second it sounds as if you're CYA in case your solid relationship siphons your account.

 

You are right, they do contradict each other...because my second paragraph represents my first marriage, where I trusted HER, but she siphoned money and ultimately left. But, second marriage, I trust her completely, one, because she makes more than me, so there's no reason for her to take money, but more importantly, two, we HAVE discussed the situation, and this one makes us more comfortable. Basically (when I do finally get a job), we can put together what we need to save for retirement/college education/fun money, but still have our own spending money.

 

You and I are basically saying the same thing, it's just what we and our wives are more comfortable with.

We have a joint account that is used to pay all of our bills. We contribute the same amount to this account from our paychecks. We are free to do what we please with the rest of our earnings. Major purchases outside of our typical bills are looked at on a case by case basis.

3 accounts

I personally think that the people who decide "well we are now ONE" once they get married are usually the ones who change most of who they are in their life, and also are the ones who somewhat cut themselves off from their friends that arent in the "ring club."

 

As for me, if I ever decided to cross that stream, I would never only have one account, because I need money too, and I dont think the type of girl I would marry would want to give up all of her financial independence either.

We have one account and my wife takes care of making sure the bills get paid on time.

 

After the bills are paid, we have no money left until our next payday so there's nothing to fight over. Works out pretty well...

We have one account. At first, I was the one in charge, but the wife kept writing checks and debits that pushed us right to the limit. I made her sit down with me and balance the checkbook, and pay the bills for a month, and now I can't get it back! She manages that things tight. We both deposit our checks, take out $100 or so for ourselves, everything else is there for the bills. I see the account all the time, check the balances and transactions online each week, and if she is saving some of her $100 somewhere else, good for her. I have encouraged her to do that, as I have a box with my leftover cash as well, which I dip into from time to time for things I want that I can't really justify as a need. Like my XM radio, or hookers.