We've had so many advice threads, from jobs to relationships. The bummer is, not everyone feels qualified to answer. Now it's your chance. Of course this is satirical.

 

Answer a question, and ask a question.

 

Starting off . . .

 

A politician writes in . . . The cops just came and arrested me, I'm not certain what to do next. Any ideas?

We've had so many advice threads, from jobs to relationships. The bummer is, not everyone feels qualified to answer. Now it's your chance. Of course this is satirical.

 

Answer a question, and ask a question.

 

Starting off . . .

 

A politician writes in . . . The cops just came and arrested me, I'm not certain what to do next. Any ideas?

Ask them "Are those your guns, or are you just happy to see me?"

A politician writes in . . . The cops just came and arrested me, I'm not certain what to do next. Any ideas?

 

Answer: Rework the anti-gay marriage portions of that little stump speech of yours. Your new bunk mates aren't really into anything as long-term or serious marriage, they just want to. . . date you for a little while. And considering how your "get tough on crime" mandatory minimums have sent some of them to jail, some of your new friends are probably going to date the $h1t out of you.

 

OK, new question: My 14-year old daughter wants to date a boy thee years older than her. Like any good father, I just want to make sure she is safe. I know she'll at least be safe with the boy when they are driving together because he has an old Chevy conversion van from back when they used to make them solid. Do you think I should let her date this boy?

 

Make a post on soxtalk and see what they have too say.

 

A mans new boss so happens to be the girl he used to love back in college.She is interested and wants a relationship but he has to quit his high paying job once they start having sex.In this economy I dont know?

OK, new question: My 14-year old daughter wants to date a boy thee years older than her. Like any good father, I just want to make sure she is safe. I know she'll at least be safe with the boy when they are driving together because he has an old Chevy conversion van from back when they used to make them solid. Do you think I should let her date this boy?

 

Tell her to go for it. And try the whole flower child thing. Barefoot, small town, take him by the hand. You know that should work.

 

I have to go to the company Christmas party and want to seem professional. I never drink alcohol, what should I drink? I know I will be nervous and probably will drink a lot of them.

Tell her to go for it. And try the whole flower child thing. Barefoot, small town, take him by the hand. You know that should work.

 

I have to go to the company Christmas party and want to seem professional. I never drink alcohol, what should I drink? I know I will be nervous and probably will drink a lot of them.

 

Answer: Novice drinkers should play it safe and stick with drinking only clear liquor. Vodka and gin are always a good bet.

 

I got my wife and my girlfriend both the same monogrammed pendant for Christmas, but I think I sent me wife the one that was supposed to go to the girlfriend. Oops! My wife's initials are "WSM" but she's going to get a pendant with the initals "FSA" on it. What should I tell her that stands for?

Edited December 9, 200817 yr by FlaSoxxJim

Ask them if they want your real ID or your fake one.

Answer: Novice drinkers should play it safe and stick with drinking only clear liquor. Vodka and gin are always a good bet.

 

I got my wife and my girlfriend both the same monogrammed pendant for Christmas, but I think I sent me wife the one that was supposed to go to the girlfriend. Oops! My wife's initials are "WSM" but she's going to get a pendant with the initals "FSA" on it. What should I tell her that stands for?

 

Tell her it stands for Favorite Sorority Ass! It was earned in college, but the award was late in arriving.

And keep telling your girlfriend it means Will Soon be Married. Player

 

I'm thinking of getting a White Sox theme tattoo, where and what?

Tell her it stands for Favorite Sorority Ass! It was earned in college, but the award was late in arriving.

And keep telling your girlfriend it means Will Soon be Married. Player

 

I'm thinking of getting a White Sox theme tattoo, where and what?

You should get a Sox tattoo on each butt cheek, but also concentric circles around the hole so it looks like a target. That way when you get tickets to the Sox game you can sit in the outfield, and bend over, it'll be just like having one of those target signs. Also, if security comes, make a big scene, preferably by getting physical and/or violent with them.

Question: My two favorite things are playing with high-voltage electricity and swimming, but I hate it when I'm doing activity one and can't enjoy the other at the same time. Any advice on how to bring these two great hobbies together?

Question: My two favorite things are playing with high-voltage electricity and swimming, but I hate it when I'm doing activity one and can't enjoy the other at the same time. Any advice on how to bring these two great hobbies together?

Dry suit.

Question:What do you do when you participate in a game and apparently have no idea what the point of the game is and everyone ignores you.

Question:What do you do when you participate in a game and apparently have no idea what the point of the game is and everyone ignores you.

 

You have multiple options here involving one or more of the folowing:

 

• Drop your pants and sing the theme from the Beverly Hillbillies

• Randomly punch other participants

• Fall to the ground in the fetal position and sob uncontrollably while repeating "Shut Up . . I'm Sorry. . . Shut Up" over and over

Question:What do you do when you participate in a game and apparently have no idea what the point of the game is and everyone ignores you.

Javy? Is that you?

You have multiple options here involving one or more of the folowing:

 

• Drop your pants and sing the theme from the Beverly Hillbillies

• Randomly punch other participants

• Fall to the ground in the fetal position and sob uncontrollably while repeating "Shut Up . . I'm Sorry. . . Shut Up" over and over

 

I already had my pants down soooooo I will go and find someone to punch because Tex and you live too far away.

Saturday I will be Flying down to Orlando, Florida to have Christmas with my family. I am Flying with American Airlines and ever since the stewardesses have become less attractive, I've noticed the quality of service sink significantly. I'm going to need a steady flow of cold cold beer, and I know I can't count on them, so how can I sneak a 30 rack of Keystones on to the plane with me?

Saturday I will be Flying down to Orlando, Florida to have Christmas with my family. I am Flying with American Airlines and ever since the stewardesses have become less attractive, I've noticed the quality of service sink significantly. I'm going to need a steady flow of cold cold beer, and I know I can't count on them, so how can I sneak a 30 rack of Keystones on to the plane with me?

Empty them in to the only container you have available beforehand; your stomach.

There's a report out of a shark that walks on land and eats people.

My question is, there's a candygram at the door right now and I really like candy. Do you think the candygram guy would help me watch out for the "land shark?"

There's a report out of a shark that walks on land and eats people.

My question is, there's a candygram at the door right now and I really like candy. Do you think the candygram guy would help me watch out for the "land shark?"

 

 

I certainly think two sets of eyes would be safer than one. Besides, hey, Free Candy!

 

I certainly think two sets of eyes would be safer than one. Besides, hey, Free Candy!

The candygram guy agreed with you, he said that if I offered him root beer and oreos that I'd be okay.

My wife and boss said I spend too much time here, I fired the wife, what should I do about my boss?

My wife and boss said I spend too much time here, I fired the wife, what should I do about my boss?

 

Beat him with a sock full of oranges?

My wife and boss said I spend too much time here, I fired the wife, what should I do about my boss?

Hire Malcolm McDowell and friends to kidnap him and duct tape him to a chair.

My wife and boss said I spend too much time here, I fired the wife, what should I do about my boss?

 

tell him to make you a sandwich

 

New question: I have a girlfriend, but her voice is deeper than mine, she's growing a full beard, she sits around and drinks beer all day watching the football game, and never has time to be with me. What should I tell her?

Get her money back from the Sex Change operation.