I'm doing the public address announcing for basketball scrimmage game tonight. The theme for the season is Court is now in Session, and they even got their posters actually in one of the judge's courtrooms complete with the head coach in a judges robe. So to follow the theme, instead of doing standard intros tonight, we are going to spoof a trial, and intro the team as the defendants in a trial. What I need is some basketball sounding crimes that they are being charged with. So far I have grand theft basketball and illegal possession of the lane. I need more ideas like that! Anyone?

Playing for SIU

"Coach Jerry Sandusky..."

Assault with a deadly jump shot

 

"He really beat up that lane-street occupier."

Assault with a deadly jump shot

 

Nice

Arson of shorts

Assault and Dribble

Failure to Help and Opponent

Pickpocket

Terms to thorw out:

 

Repossession (in the event of a steal).

Bails him out/posts bail.

"Dismissal with prejudice."

Mistrial

Liquidation

 

Larceny

 

Arson

 

Assault

 

Speeding

 

Reckless (insert)

 

Negligence

 

Sidebar

 

I dont know, not really coming up with anything unique.

"Sinking more baskets than the Mob does people"

That's a miss-d-meaner. The more they miss, da meaner they get.

 

It's a cell - out