hi8is

for me the hardest part as of late has been dealing with "ghosts of the past"... people f*** eachother up so much and put so much baggage on eachother, its really tough to sift through it and get down to the core. once youve experienced disapointment, a break in trust, been cheated on, been broken hearted, etc. its hard to open up and its sometimes even harder to have someone open up to you. my girl is like that, she got cheated on 5 months ago... the guy messed with her younger sister... ouch.... needless to say, there is some baggage and a wall that ive been trouble navagating. eek

this is a little longer then a page in a word editor... just me talking about stuff, im sure that some of you remember the whole katie fieasco, well... this relates to it im working a lot on my writing as of late so if you could tell me what you think, give a little feedback into the quality of my little blog, id apricate it. dont worry about my bad spelling and grammer thou. adios amigos "a new day. I dont know if she understands how much i'm going through right now. If she knew how much i needed some help, would she be here for me? Or would she shy away and leave me alone? Would she be here locked in her, precious little shell? Im pretty sure she has the feeling that I'm broken, but I know for certian she has no idea of the extent. Sure its cold right now, and that's the reason im shaking. The sensation of my physical body... shaking... fits nice with the feeling i have pressing through my soul. It's one of my only comforts right now. I guess im making progress thou. Yesterday I woke up and cried, all balled up in the fetel position. every single thing in my room reminded me that... indeed... I was alone and that she was not lying next to me. I reached out to what used to be her pillow but it gave me no responce in return. The pictures on the walls couldn't talk back to me. My nose seemed to be filtering out her scent in everything that was around. And no matter how much i tried i couldn't get a grip on the eluding emptyness i was trying to hold with my hands. In some way, it felt good. This morning i woke up and just, couldn't go back to sleep. That was frustrating, because sleeps been one of the best parts of my life right now. I get to go to a place that is far away from my chest and accually, be with her. Eh.... even in my dreams, she's distant and dosen't open herself to me. Who cares, its something... and i get to see her. I dont think there's an isolation more pure in tone then that of emotion. The tremendious swells of furious, beautiful, waves who crash along the shores inside my rib cage. Emotion. No one can understand this because i can't put it to words, its ethereal. No one can see this because the eyes in this world are blind to it. No one can smell this because i accually flush my s*** and piss down the toliet. No one can taste this because the buds of a touge have no such ability, evolutionist and darwinist: take note. I am the only one who can touch this, because my heart is the center of touch. It is me. Wither away. Grow again someday soon and be bigger then you were... to begin with. I need to clarify something here. I am NOT the only one who can TOUCH THIS, I may just be the only one who can FEEL THIS LIKE I DO. She could touch this, by opening her heart to mine. She could touch this so deeply that my pain would become her pain and together we could... help eachother. You know, play doctor and nurse like when we were kids. Music can touch this and has. When you're in such a place like this, without one doubt... you feel completely alone. Your on a small raft in a vast sea of the unknown. It's the middle of winter and the waters pigment has completely vanished. Leaving only a black pool of wind caps, rough choops, and dence rolling hills. Somehow, while you fight the rope of the stern, you can yeal and scream... at God. There is a music underneath this dance. Its this kind of release, this kind of artistic creativity, this dance, that binds us. The fragile music who holds me like a blanket... just might have a stronger, deeper, and more compassionate understanding behind it. The emotions who wove this blanket are not mine. Still, I AM UNDERSTOOD. The words, sights, and sounds strike a chord and create a quiet warth within. In my own personal way, i understand the emotion. The fact that others can hit the nail on the head and drive it to my core gives me hope and makes me feel less isolated. They can relate."

ding ding time for round 2 seriously guys, b****fest 2004 has to stop GO BOSOX! f*** THE SPANKMES!

welcome to b****fest 2004

blah, harris in CF... after about 28 shots of southern comfort i could play CF better maybe that should be in green, maybe not

ive always been a fan of philosphical stuff like thich nhat hanh or drugy stuff like flashbacks by timothy leary ... mystical stuff like the teachings of don jaun by carlos castanada... things of that sort, but lately ive been on this psycological thriller kick.... read, and this is a bad ass must read book.... read, RED DRAGON by thomas harris yes, its the hanibal series, the first one in the series... etc.... but this book is leaps and bounds beyond all the others, and is a thousand times better then the movie read that s*** YO!

i think that the whole f***ing process is a joke, do you want the puppet on the left, or the puppet on the right someone like thomas jefferson or something once said that if a peoples government isnt working, its their responcablity to over throw it this system sure dosent seem to be the best to me, time to evolve and f*** the system sure it wont happen thou, sorry.. time for me to go back to sleep

all along the SOX tower... princess kept her view and let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting near.

jaun uribe now has his average at .282 joe crede has over 20 HR and has been doing better in the last 2 months jamie burke still is hitting over .330 mark burhle, garcia, and garland have all gone for complete games recently joe borchard has 8 home runs now, and it seems like hes been hitting one every couple of games... this is big, he started of putrid and now its just turning the corner to slightly raunchy not the positives id like to be pointing out at this time of year, but hey... why not... because they are there

In the opening few minutes of the debate, president bush looked like a rag doll that the mike tyson of years past was having his way with. kerry was striaght to the point, eloquent while speaking, and presented an image of strength/confidance. however, bush struggled for words, had weak points, and looked to be falling on his ass flat... and fast i was shocked to see the president turn the debate around... after those first 5 minutes he did get back up and make some decent claims (how ever truthful they were can be decided by you) all said and done, if you say that bush won this debate, i dont understand anything about the way you think politicaly. at best for bush, it was a tie but it was pretty clear that kerry had the edge on bush today i look for a great round 2 in which bush steps it up a bit

wow, maybe we should start a pimp club on soxtalk durrrrrr

that'd be the one

last night she came over to my house and we watched far. 9/11 on dvd, tonight we're going to the dodgers game was gonna take her to see dave matthews band on last sunday, but i had to work, lame

bwhahaha good one dude

no, not that katie, a diffrent one who happens to accually like me and lives in my area! whoo hoo, trevor scores! not scores like that guys, scores like hell yeah he met a really cool chick, sweet! i knew i moved back home for a reason here, have a little wub

TOOL - Disposition mention this to me, mention something, mention anything... and watch the weather change. watch the weather change.

mother of all threads, right haha well, here is the idea, you read the lyrics of the last post, then post some... w00t ill start it off NIN - SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE I still recall The taste of your tears Echoing your voice Just like the ringing in my ears My favorite dreams of you Still wash ashore Scraping through my head 'Till I don't want to sleep anymore Come on tell me You make this all go away You make this all go away I'm down to just one thing And I'm starting to scare myself You make this all go away You make it all go away I just want something I just want something I can never have You always were the one To show me how Back then I couldn't do the things That I can do now This thing Is slowly taking me apart Grey would be the color If I had a heart I just want something I can never have In this place It seems like such a shame Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same Everywhere I look You're all I see Just a fading f***ing reminder Of who I used to be I just want something I just want something I can never have I just want something I can never have Think I know what you meant That night on my bed Still picking at this scab

naw, sorry guys... i got you all beat... big time

i agree completely about everett... his defense sucks... and 4 million dollars down the drain next year does too.... however, on his very little brightside.... he did hit over 300 with the rangers while health last year... did pretty good with us in 2003 as well... in 2004 he has been nothing but injured, yet has still done ok with us... if he is 100 percent healthy and in top notch shape in spring training, he might be a s***ty RF with good numbers from the left side of the plate... i mean, it isnt unrealistic to say, if healthy, he could hit .300/25/80 on the other hand of your topic is jose v... every single indacation is that he is outta here, i havent read one thing that indacates he will be with us again after 2004 and good riddence

yeah, and then we could trade Ross Gload for Morales and when he gets in silver and black, he hits 300 home runs and has 1000 RBIs in one season

i was gonna go see a free dave matthews band show in san fran on the 12th but i cant... then i was thinking, he, ill go see the soxs play the angels... WRONG this is why: friday 5 - close saturday 3 - close sunday 11am - close yeah, im sure i can make a game with a work schedule like this riiiight

when he first came over, we all knew he would have some work to do.... hopefully he can keep progressing... i mean, he is still 4 - 3 with a 3.86 ERA with our team one loss can make a ton of diffrence, 5 - 2 sounds a lot better dosent it he'll be fine

why would you want any thing to do with Cruz Jr? hes a carrer .243 hitter

good question, for sheets id bet wed have to let the brecrew ass rape our system eek

Free Agent Signings: Position Players: Omar Vizquel give him a 1 year contract for 6 mil... 2 years at 10 mil with insentives if his agent insists on it. J.T. Snow the guy is hitting .330 in 90 games and only made 1.5 mil this season... give him a 2 year contract at 3 mil a year Starting Pitchers: You try to get Brad Radke in the free agent market also. if this dosent happen at least you get to kick the twins in the balls by hiking up the price. seriously presue Matt Clement at the same time, i think he would be a great addition to our staff. The number 3 starter on this free agent wish list for KW should be Russ Ortiz, sure hes got problems with control from time to time, but look at what his numbers were before the trade rumors (he was doing a lot better then u think, look at quality starts) and since the trade rumors he has been even better. i think 2005 will be great years for clement and ortiz, radkes a shoe in. (offer Radke 3 years for 40 mil if he accepts, cool we screwed the twins and got an ace until 2008... if not, we screwed the twins and made them pay more then they would have) (offer ortiz and clement 3 years at 24 mil as a starting point in talks, highest id go is 3 years for 28 mil with insentives to get up to 32 mil) Bullpen Pitchers: Armando Benitez (no brainer 40 saves, 1.06 ERA, 28 hits in 59 1/3 innings) 2 years for 10 mil Ugueth Urbina ( Good friends with Ozzie and would be a welcome addition to the bullpen) 2 years for 6 mil Trades: Send Paulie to the marlins for Juan Pierre... i doubt that this alone will be enough to get Pierre, so send a mid level prospect as well. This helps us get a great lead off hitter that can set the table well and also gives us more money to work with, 6 million more acually. Starting Rotation: Garcia Mark B Radkie/Clement/Ortiz (wish list in that order) Contreras Garland Bullpen: Adkins Cotts Urbina Marte Shingto Benitez Lineup: Juan Pierre CF (.321 this year) Rowand RF (.317 this year) Thomas DH (.271 this year) Lee LF (.307 this year) Snow 1B (.330 this year) Vizquel SS (.307 this year) Crede 3B (.237 this year) Davis C (.230 with us this year) Harris 2B (.264 this year) * improvement in the last three players is pretty much a given Bench: Uribe (split time at SS and 2B) Burke (catch 1/3 split with davis) Timo Borchard TOTAL ADDING 25 MILLION TO PAYROL lost 14 million from maggs lost 5 million from jose v lost 6 million from koch lost 6 million in the paulie trade added 6 million in contreras (wash) JR is rumored to be willing to increase payrol 20 million next year due to increased attendance (this was reported by otis on WSI, so take it as you will.) so if this does indeed happen, we can do this no problem and will have even more money to work with.