As a solution (and punishment) to the nightmare of a first round pick that is Kyle Mcchulloch, I say we chop off two of his fingers and make him into a modern day Mordecai Brown. This could add unusual amounts of spin and movement to his pitches.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mordecai_Brown
Mr. Burns: I've decided to bring in a few ringers, professional baseballers. We'll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "Three-Finger" Brown...
Smithers: Uh, sir?
Mr. Burns: What is it, Smithers?
Smithers: I'm afraid all of those players have retired and, uh... passed on. In fact, your right-fielder has been dead for a hundred and thirty years.