Earlier today I needed to visit my Doctor for some more lab tests. It's a well worn path. I had been fasting, but drinking lots of water and when I arrived I really needed to go to the bathroom. My Doctor has a practice where almost every patient is old, I mean really old, like even older then me. I was in line at the window right behind a lady who I'm not sure which number would be greater, her age or her weight. If she weighed 90 pounds I would be surprised. Dammit, she needs the restroom. I sit down and start fidgeting, and fidgeting, and fidgeting. Crossing and uncrossing my legs. I'm thinking her walker was stuck. Finally she comes out and I half run to the bathroom.

 

BAM the smell whacks me in the face as I enter. Whoa, that was the worst smell ever. But I needed to go, and with my eyes watering and the nose hairs curling I get to the toilet. DAM, she was still there. Well not her, but the largest pile I have ever seen. So much crap that half was out of the water. And one dainty little piece of toilet tissue. That f***ing scene is now seared into my memory forever. I quickly reach and flush and water enters the bowl, but nothing moves. It is so full, it's hopelessly packed. I flush again and all I do is release another powerful bouquet. Now I start to panic. No way they believe that sweet little old lady left a deuce the size of Barry Bonds head. I know the fat guy is going to get blamed. But I have to go so bad.

 

I stick my head out and call for a little help. "I am so sorry but someone clogged the toilet. Is there another one I could use?"

 

"no"

 

So I stand there are they continue trying to flush this monster and I contemplate wetting my pants. Finally the toilet monster is flushed and I can go. For like 30 minutes. The whole time the smell is just killing me. Later the nurse mentioned all the drugs that some patients are on adds to the smell. f***. That s*** should be illegal.

 

Fortunately, as I am exiting they call me for the labs which is next door to the bathroom. Another patient is walking into the bathroom, I say "wasn't me". As they are drilling for my blood I hear *cough* *Gag* *choke* *gag* *Cough* from next door.

 

After she poked my left and right arm, she hands me a specimen jar and mentioned she needs a urine sample. I'm going back later.

not to be crude, but did you consider the sink?

not to be crude, but did you consider the sink?

 

Of course, but it's a Doctor's office. I should have.

LOL, this is a pretty funny story. Especially the part when the person after you walks in and you hear them choke.

So... a little old lady goes into the doctor's office, and the doctor asks "What can I help you with?" The lady explains, "well, doctor, you see, I've had a really bad problem passing gas lately. It's been uncontrollable. But the odd thing is, while I can feel myself passing gas, they make no sound, nor do they have any odor. In fact, I've probably farted about 20 times since I've been sitting in this office. Is there anything you can do to help?" "Sure," the doctor said, as he writes her a prescription. "Take these pills twice a day, and come see me again in about 10 days."

 

So the 10 days go by, and the lady comes back for her appointment. "Did the medicine work?" asked the doctor. "Well... you see, it seems to have gotten worse. I'm passing gas at about the same rate... but while they are still silent, they now smell absolutely terrible." The doctor nodded. "Good. Now that we've got your sense of smell back in working order, let's work on your hearing."

I will no longer wash my hands in a public bathroom. 9/10 people I told this story to said they would have used the sink.

OK, I'll say it. Sinks can be tricky depending on the height.

OK, I'll say it. Sinks can be tricky depending on the height.

 

Also the depth. Splashing is a possibility.

 

 

OK, I'll say it. Sinks can be tricky depending on the height.

 

It was that extra long handicap sink.

Greatest song ever...

 

Greatest song ever...

 

Awesome reference. I loved that episode

Greatest song ever...

 

 

I knew it before I even clicked.

 

What a great song/episode/series.

I knew it before I even clicked.

 

What a great song/episode/series.

Haha same, my life revolves around that show...