A couple that Brian and I are friends with came by Monday evening and we were talking about our wedding. They first said to not invite them and then something about a secondary list (anyone know what a secondary list is). To be honest, it didn't bother me in the least since we weren't invited to their wedding (they had only family and people that stood up in the wedding)

 

It is apparently bothering Brian enough to bring it up today (first time he and I had a chance to talk since then). He is trying to come up with a reason for them to say what they did, but, I can tell it really hurt him (he has been friends with them for about 15 years or so).

 

Would you be bothered by these comments?

Honestly, I would be kind of offended. There must be some reason they did this though. Its hard to make a good judgement without knowing the reasoning behind what they said.

I would have asked why they felt that way.

 

Were they trying to save you money at the reception?

Saving themselves some $$ and avoiding buying a gift

They don't approve of the wedding for some reason

There are reasons that wouldn't get me upset and some that would.

Honestly, I would be kind of offended.  There must be some reason they did this though.  Its hard to make a good judgement without knowing the reasoning behind what they said.

To be honest, I think they don't like me too much, but that's their problem not mine, not Brian's. There have been several things that have happened that gave me this impression, which is strange because I've never had a problem with them.

Some people just don't like weddings.

I hate them - they bore the s*** out of me.

Hate the reception too - f***ing chicken dance, garter toss, reluctant speeches by wedding party members who'd rather not have to speak, that cake-in-the-face routine - all boring goddamned rituals. UGH. I can buy my own alcohol, thank you, that's not reason enough to put up with that s***.

 

Maybe your friends would rather ask you not to invite them than respond to an invitation with a "no".

However, that explanation doesn't cover the "secondary list" - that's an odd request.

I would have asked why they felt that way.

 

Were they trying to save you money at the reception?

Saving themselves some $$ and avoiding buying a gift

They don't approve of the wedding for some reason

There are reasons that wouldn't get me upset and some that would.

I don't think it sunk in for Brian right away. It did for me, but it wasn't my place to bring it up. I do think Brian is planning on asking them why they don't want to go though, or at least that was the impression he left me with this morning.

 

Like I said, overall, I don't care that much, I just don't like it because it is bothering Brian. They are supposed to be our friends and they know that we don't care if they bring a gift, we want them there to share a meal and celebrate with us. If that is too hard for them, their loss, our gain.

that's kinda interesting. I would definitely get brian to figure out what the deal is. Do you hang out with them? how well do they know you? could be that they need to get to know you better.

Some people just don't like weddings.

I hate them - they bore the s*** out of me.

Hate the reception too - f***ing chicken dance, garter toss, reluctant speeches by wedding party members who'd rather not have to speak, that cake-in-the-face routine - all boring goddamned rituals. UGH. I can buy my own alcohol, thank you, that's not reason enough to put up with that s***.

 

Maybe your friends would rather ask you not to invite them than respond to an invitation with a "no".

However, that explanation doesn't cover the "secondary list" - that's an odd request.

At this point in time (and they know this too), we are planning a church wedding and a backyard reception - something inexpensive, but tasteful. His cousin had her reception this way and I am told it was a great time.

 

In any sense, I think that is what Brian is hoping the issue is. The only problem is that they have been to many of the same weddings we have been to in the last 3 years so that brings up the question, why not go to our other friends' weddings and not ours?

that's kinda interesting. I would definitely get brian to figure out what the deal is. Do you hang out with them? how well do they know you? could be that they need to get to know you better.

They live a couple blocks away and we generally hang out, at some point, on the weekends. And as I said, they and Brian have been friends for around 15 years now. Maybe I said or did something that I didn't know I did. Eh, it's the least of my current concerns, but I don't like seeing Brian hurt.

Did you say anything about the guest list? Any of the we're trying to cut a few people, or the I hate the if you invite A then you have to invite B who will bring C and if C comes you have to let D bring E? Maybe they were saying: "We're trying to help and only invite us if you have room. "

 

I would assume there is a perfectly pleasant explanation.

Did you say anything about the guest list? Any of the we're trying to cut a few people, or the I hate the if you invite A then you have to invite B who will bring C and if C comes you have to let D bring E? Maybe they were saying: "We're trying to help and only invite us if you have room. "

 

I would assume there is a perfectly pleasant explanation.

No we didn't, we just talked about where we were having it and when but I am hoping that's the case. We haven't even started the guest list, but I think we know most of who we are planning to ask.

 

Thanks everyone for helping me to figure this out.

For me? It would piss me off, and I probably wouldn't waste my time with them anymore if they could make a statement like that, and not give a reason for it.

For me?  It would piss me off, and I probably wouldn't waste my time with them anymore if they could make a statement like that, and not give a reason for it.

Oh, I agree and I haven't. It caught me off-guard when Brian brought it up this morning. He normally doesn't worry about stuff like that and this appears to be bothering him enough to bring it up again.

It would piss me off in the regards that they assumed they were invited. My ideal wedding would be 4 people.. us and the two required witnesses.

On a side note fan.. when you start planning let me know if you need anything. We have friends in every stage of the business. My girlfriend from college just threw a 275 person event for less that 10K. Anyone who has any knowledge of these wastes of $$ will know that is a huge deal.

It would piss me off in the regards that they assumed they were invited. My ideal wedding would be 4 people.. us and the two required witnesses.

Ours probably won't be much bigger. Like I said, a small church wedding and the reception at home (or at least that's the idea now, any thing can and probably will change).

It would piss me off in the regards that they assumed they were invited. My ideal wedding would be 4 people.. us and the two required witnesses.

On a side note fan.. when you start planning let me know if you need anything. We have friends in every stage of the business. My girlfriend from college just threw a 275 person event for less that 10K. Anyone who has any knowledge of these wastes of $$ will know that is a huge deal.

We did ours for about the same amount of people for just over $5k. Family friends did the food for us, and we kept getting asked all night who our caterors were.

Was your boyfriends friend, that he has known for 15 years, asked to be apart of the wedding? (Is grooms man the right term... ) Maybe he thinks its a slap in the face after so many years of friendship and would rather not go.

We did ours for about the same amount of people for just over $5k. Family friends did the food for us, and we kept getting asked all night who our caterors were.

Food is a HUGE cost.. usually only second to the alcohol

But usually comes with the hall...

 

By the way.. anyone see Trista & Ryan's wedding last night. I tell ya.. $4 million sure does buy a lot of Pepto colored everything...

Was your boyfriends friend, that he has known for 15 years, asked to be apart of the wedding. (Is grooms man the right term ?) Maybe he thinks its a slap in the face  after so many years of friendship and would rather not go.

None of the groomsmen have been asked. I'ved asked most of the bridesmaids (3 of 4), but Brian hasn't decided yet who to ask, but I think the first two he will ask will be his brothers. Beyond that, I don't think he has a clue who he will ask - he's known most of his friends (that we hang out with regularly) for at least 15 years.

I wouldnt care one bit. Ive never been to a wedding but watching some couple walk up the aisle, say some vows and kiss I reckon would bore the heck out of me. Youre getting married, fanof14, not them. Id be fine if it was only me and my fiancee. And the priest. Those three people are the only three who need to be there...

I wouldnt care one bit. Ive never been to a wedding but watching some couple walk up the aisle, say some vows and kiss I reckon would bore the heck out of me. Youre getting married, fanof14, not them. Id be fine if it was only me and my fiancee. And the priest. Those three people are the only three who need to be there...

 

It's more the reception than the actual wedding (I agree about watching the vows - as long as our families are there, we're cool).

 

Like I said, I couldn't care less, but it really seems to bother Brian. I hope he asks them so he can get it off his mind.

I wouldnt care one bit. Ive never been to a wedding but watching some couple walk up the aisle, say some vows and kiss I reckon would bore the heck out of me. Youre getting married, fanof14, not them. Id be fine if it was only me and my fiancee. And the priest. Those three people are the only three who need to be there...

Most people are not like that.

 

They want to share their happiness (and their trophy spouse) with the world (and jealous bridesmades/ex-classmates in particular). Getting married without guests and huge ceremony and reception is like getting a Mersedes and having to keep in the garage and drive it without friends and family knowing about it and envying you.

 

But enough of my simplistic psychobabble.

For me?  It would piss me off, and I probably wouldn't waste my time with them anymore if they could make a statement like that, and not give a reason for it.

My thoughts exactly. To me they don't approve of the wedding and since they weren't willing to explain it, which is the least someone could do when they tell you don't invite me to the wedding.

 

I mean you'd think you'd try to explain yourself for not going to a long time friends wedding. I know if one of my best friends told me that, I'd be really upset. And I know they'd feel the same way if I told them not to invite me to theirs.

Theres only one thing Im gonna want my friends to show up for in relation to my wedding. And thats the bachelor party...