Yippee. My first attempt at using my new, near God-like mod powers to kick off (a little late) the best quips of July...

 

And Baggio gets things rolling, this from the "So this is Ozzie Ball" thread after the sad, sad weekend on the wrong side of town:

 

hopefully ozzie just needs a little more experience...check his stats more... take a lesson from tony larussa...the anti - ozzie...the best decision manager ive ever seen..and maybe the worst relationship manager ive ever seen...if we could combine their strengths we have the best manager ever..if we combined their weaknesses we'd get terry bevington 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

NOT TERRY BEVINGTON?????????!!!!! My toilet flushed TP manages better then that.

 

Oh sorry. This should probably get posted in the real thread, but I'm too lazy to find it right now.

Apparently a slow month for quotable SoxTalk. Start swinging those bats, People!

 

Here's one, hopefully to break us out of the slump...

 

Aboz started a thread in SLaP about "Passion" actor James Cazievel (sp?) being repeatedly mistaken for the real Jesus while in Mexico. To which CrimsonWeltall replies:

 

These are the same people who see Jesus in a tortilla and Mary in the knot of a tree every other week.

"And the categories for this round... 'Really Dirty Dancing,' 'Getting Hammered,' 'Having Only One Wife,' 'Those Other Tabernacle Choirs,' and 'How whacked was Joseph Smith?'..."

 

FlaSoxxJim on how the Jeopardy people are going to get rid of the 27 day champ, a Mormon.

From FlaSoxxJim regarding the ESPN boards

 

Apparently someone hit the wrong format button over there, you know, the one that says "Make it blow fat dick".

wTf....I'm one half Cocoan, you racist bastard

 

 

I believe the other half is vanilla. :lol

 

Heads' outrage after SuperSteve called the Cocos Islands a 'weird' country in the Random SoxtalK Stats thread...

 

Oooh....first timer here....

Oooh....first timer here....

That's 'cause DA MAN'S been keeping down the Cocoans!

 

Fight the power!

That's 'cause DA MAN'S been keeping down the Cocoans!

 

Fight the power! 

Look Steve's logging in from all round the world now, yesterday I believe he was in Florence Italy. How's Hong Kong for ya Steve?

Look Steve's logging in from all round the world now, yesterday I believe he was in Florence Italy. How's Hong Kong for ya Steve? 

Yeah, that's one long ass run.

Wow, this is a pretty slow month for quotes, so far. C'mon people, GET FUNNY!

The three response reply by 3 posters, in response to Chip Caray's "BELTED":

 

Chip Caray: "BELTED!"

 

Response 1: "And caught"

 

Response 2: "In the infield"

 

Response 3: "By the catcher"

 

"Earthquake Swallows Up Jermaine Dye, Allowing Game-Winning Hit To Drop"

"In other news, Sox Acquire Everett, Deal Him To SF For Bonds, Schmidt"

"Giants GM Committed To Mental Hospital After Questionable Trade"

"Sox GM Williams Hospitalized With Stomach Cramps, Uncontrollable Laughter Blamed"

 

 

The_Critic, predicting the headlines for after the finale of the A's series.

If you don't think God f***s with our heads, how do you explain Cub fans?

 

Al Lopez's Ghost during a dicussion on Bill Hicks' quote about God f***ing with our heads by creating dinosaurs.

 

Ken: $48,000

Be Good: $49,000

 

Be Good: I win!!!!!!!

Alex Trebeck: oh wait we forgot to put in the minus sign before your total

Be Good: s***to

Anyone else check this to see if one of your quotes made it and then leave?

Anyone else check this to see if one of your quotes made it and then leave?

Oh yeah.

 

And then one time, when I went to it, and it was actually one of my quotes, I was like "Holy s***!"

 

It was awesome.

With just a couple days left to go before the non-waver funny post deadline, Wong and Owens reveals how he found SoxTalk on the "How dod you hear of Soxtalk" thread...

 

I did a Google search for "Penis Enlargement Pumps," and was directed to Texsox's personal website. I checked out his "cool links" section, and here I am.

From the Warm Sensations Condom Thread:

 

EvilJester99

I once tried that lickable heat activated "Love Lotion" The more you breath on it the hotter it gets.... Problem is when you have it on your lips you tend to breath on it ALOT and it gets f***ing hot as hell.

 

KnuckleSox1

Lucky Basterds

 

hammerhead johnson

I hate condoms. It's almost like taking a shower with your socks on.

 

From Kapkomet

 

BTW,

 

Best line of the DNC:

 

 

"But you know the old saying: you win some, you lose some. And then there's that little-known third category."

 

Al Gore 7/26/04