chuck facts

 

 

Some favorites.....

 

A kid once stole Chuck Norris' hat and ran into an apple orchard. Chuck Norris flew into such a rage that he accidentally invented apple sauce.

 

Whenever Chuck Norris takes a dump in a public restroom he purposely hangs his butt over the side of the toilet bowl and does his duty all over the floor. He secretly hopes a korean janitor will have to clean it

 

 

For fun, Chuck Norris likes to visit Veterinary Hospitals. When asked if he has a sick pet, Chuck Norris flexes and says, "These pythons are pretty sick." He then kisses his pecks until all the ladies explode with orgasmic fury.

 

The sun hides in fear every time Chuck Norris masturbates. We know these periods of darkness as "night".

 

 

Onions do not make Chuck Norris cry. Chuck Norris makes onions s*** themselves.

So you're telling me that Chuck Norris is powerful enough to convince any woman on Earth to have sex with him, and yet he masturbates EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?

Loser.....

So you're telling me that Chuck Norris is powerful enough to convince any woman on Earth to have sex with him, and yet he masturbates EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?

Loser.....

 

 

Remember...if you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris....you are probably secons away from death!!!

 

Remember...if you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.  If you can't see Chuck Norris....you are probably secons away from death!!!

 

   

 

 

If you can see Chuck Norris that means he took pity on you and didn't knock you into next year with a roundhouse kick.

Speaking of Chuck, did anyone catch him on Fox this weekend? They did a piece on the Superfans skit from SNL. They had actors 'auditioning' for the new cast. Cuba Gooding Jr., Michael J. Fox, Rob Lowe and Chuck were on saying 'Daaaaaaaaah Bearsss' over and over. Kinda funny.

Speaking of Chuck, did anyone catch him on Fox this weekend?  They did a piece on the Superfans skit from SNL.  They had actors 'auditioning' for the new cast.  Cuba Gooding Jr., Michael J. Fox, Rob Lowe and Chuck were on saying 'Daaaaaaaaah Bearsss' over and over.  Kinda funny.

 

 

How bout this one.

 

 

Bearsssssssssss versus Chuck Norris

How bout this one. 

Bearsssssssssss  versus Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick Tommie Harris into week 2 and the Urlacher and the rest would run like pussies. Then Tillman will get burned 1-on-1 by Norris, who threw it to himself, beat Tillman off the line, and caught the same ball 65 yards downfield.

Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick Tommie Harris into week 2 and the Urlacher and the rest would run like pussies. Then Tillman will get burned 1-on-1 by Norris, who threw it to himself, beat Tillman off the line, and caught the same ball 65 yards downfield.

 

 

Yeah but what if Ditka was in the game?

Yeah but what if Ditka was in the game?

Norris would lose. Period. Only the power of Da Coach can withstand the brute force of a Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick. Then, Ditka would b**** Norris out, forcing him to have sex with Jerry Angelo wife.

The Chuck Norris facts started out really funny, but the new ones suck more and more as they come out.

The Chuck Norris facts started out really funny, but the new ones suck more and more as they come out.

Not all of them suck. My fav:

 

When Chuck Norris was denied a Sausage McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the restaurant so hard that it became a Wendy's.

Norris would lose. Period. Only the power of Da Coach can withstand the brute force of a  Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick. Then, Ditka would b**** Norris out, forcing him to have sex with Jerry Angelo wife.

 

 

Chuck Norris's Beard meets Mike Ditkas perm. Now theres a match for the ages.

 

 

 

Chuck Norris's Beard meets Mike Ditkas perm.  Now theres a match for the ages.

Eazy-E's gheri curl prevails.

 

Edited January 16, 200620 yr by SoxFan1

Eazy-E's gheri curl prevails.

 

 

 

Are you kidding me?! Chuck Norris would bat an eyebrow and that pussy would shrivel up and blow away in the wind.

Are you kidding me?!  Chuck Norris would bat an eyebrow and that pussy would shrivel up and blow away in the wind.

Never.

Movie action man CHUCK NORRIS is spearheading a new campaign to re-introduce prayer into American high schools.

 

The martial arts star feels sure the drop in education values in schools in the US is linked to the lack of religious instruction at the beginning of the day.

 

He says, "We should keep those traditions in school. I mean, look at what's happened in the last 40 years in our school system and look how our economy has dropped. We're falling apart." Religious Norris and his wife GENA currently star in a public service announcement paid for by the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools.

 

In the ad, Norris states, "Our forefathers founded this country on biblical principals and they never intended for the Bible to be removed from our schools."

 

He adds, "Why can't we have an elective and let the students decide. Let us have the option in the schools to have the Bible curriculum there and if a student would like to learn more about this book then they have the option to study that."

 

Norris claims religious students' needs to learn more about the Bible are being ignored.

 

http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.ns...0high%20schools

Hey Chuck, seperation of religion and state. From my understanding you seperated the two with karate chop.

Edited January 17, 200620 yr by santo=dorf

Can someone remind me again why Chuck Norris is suddenly this big?

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

 

Angered by the fact that Hurricane Katrina was not named Hurricane Chuck, Norris went on a killing spree. It is been rumored that he mutilated 7 meterologists, 15 journalists, and 3 unrelated civilians. He was seen later on screaming "Who's a CAT 5 now b****?!"

Just keep hitting refresh. Some are good, some not.

Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal are secretly married. Norris wears the pants.

 

Chuck Norris gave asexual, immaculate birth to MacGyver simply because there was not yet a person to compare Chuck Norris to. When MacGyver got popular, Chuck Norris ate him whole.

 

If you don't know who your father is, he's probably Chuck Norris.

 

Chinese women gargle a mixture of panther blood and Chuck Norris's pubic hair to insure that they conceive male children.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't need to use toilet paper because s*** is too scared to stick to his ass.

 

Chuck Norris is able to have unprotected sex with Paris Hilton and not get the clap.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now"

 

The fight scene between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee near the end of "Return of the Dragon" required 58 takes because Chuck Norris kept accidentally beating Bruce Lee. Finally after shooting the scene 57 times, a stunt double had to be brought in to replace Chuck Norris. This stunt double was, of course, a young Vin Diesel.

 

At parties, Vin Diesel tells people he is Adam Sandler to pick up chicks.

 

 

How bout this one. 

Bearsssssssssss  versus Chuck Norris

 

Including Ditka?

 

BEARS!

Chuck Norris update. this is him discussing the Chuck Norris facts on the Tony Danza show

 

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/Chuck+Norris/1652620/

After eating a pile of spoiled cabbage, Chuck Norris shat a green turd with magical abilities. He named it "Yoda", and roundhouse kicked it to a galaxy far, far away.

 

 

I never thought I'd post a joke of these, but I have to admit that I've been laughing at alot of them.

I liked these jokes better when they were about Bill Brasky.