http://www.fangraphs.com/not/ken-harrelson...nking-industry/

 

***Just to be clear -- this is NOT real, it is a satirical article. Hawk did not really say these things.***

 

The New York Times had a lovely piece yesterday on Ken Harrelson, White Sox broadcaster and sabermetric denier. We at NotGraphs caught up with him yesterday evening, while he was putting on a pair of lead boots just in case gravity were to suddenly disappear, to get his thoughts on the banking industry:

 

"The banking industry? I remember when you could just go into a bank, ask for money, and they wouldn’t worry about all that crazy stuff, like checking your balance, or adding and subtracting. You didn’t give people money because of how much they had in their accounts — you gave them money because you could see what kind of people they were, and whether they looked like people who would have money. Too many good bankers have lost their jobs because they weren’t able to calculate interest rates, or determine whether a number was above or below zero. Good bankers, who’d spent their career giving money to people, getting penalized just because all of sudden they were expected to know the difference between a number and a letter, or how to count. Counting is nonsense — one of the biggest jokes I’ve ever seen. A good banking man can look at a pile of money and know exactly how much is in there, or at least be close enough that the details don’t matter. If you start distilling banking into dollars and cents, you’re making a huge mistake. The numbers are ruining banking, I’m telling you. Ruining it. Now excuse me while I go push on the wall for a few minutes — it takes every one of us to make sure the Earth keeps on spinning, so I’m just trying to do my part."

 

Thanks, Ken. Here’s to 38 more years of broadcasting, since you can’t trust those doctors to tell you how long a person’s lifespan is. You’ll be broadcasting — and making almost as much sense as you do now — for decades after those silly numbers on the heart rate monitor say you’re no longer breathing!

Edited August 1, 201312 yr by Eminor3rd

http://www.fangraphs.com/not/ken-harrelson...nking-industry/

Hah, I posted this yesterday in the HH documentary thread but it went unnoticed because of the deadline...pretty funny comparison.

Hah, I posted this yesterday in the HH documentary thread but it went unnoticed because of the deadline...pretty funny comparison.

 

Oh, sorry!

Oh, sorry!

No, no worries...definitely can have it's own thread!

that's hilarious.

 

Here's to hoping for a fresh start in 2014, with Hawk being one of the ones left behind.

I know Hawk is old-timey and all, but... can that be for real? I mean, did he really, actually say those things, or is this some sort of comedy?

 

I know Hawk is old-timey and all, but... can that be for real? I mean, did he really, actually say those things, or is this some sort of comedy?

Wow.

Yep; that's the way they used to do it.

Hawk must have slept through the Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s....

I know Hawk is old-timey and all, but... can that be for real? I mean, did he really, actually say those things, or is this some sort of comedy?

 

This is NOT real. I edited the post to be more clear.

Yep; that's the way they used to do it.

Hawk must have slept through the Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s....

 

That was when he was GM right? So yeah, he definitely was sleeping then

This is NOT real. I edited the post to be more clear.

Thank you. I saw it go out over Twitter and some responses I saw made me think at least some people thought it was real. And I figured there was a chance that Hawk was hamming it up for them. But still seemed unlikely.

 

How sad is it that I thought there was a small chance he actually said those things? Not sure if that is bad for me, or bad for Hawk.

 

Thank you. I saw it go out over Twitter and some responses I saw made me think at least some people thought it was real. And I figured there was a chance that Hawk was hamming it up for them. But still seemed unlikely.

 

How sad is it that I thought there was a small chance he actually said those things? Not sure if that is bad for me, or bad for Hawk.

 

I think it's bad for Hawk, lol. I mean this seems believable to you because he has said nearly all of these things, verbatim, except about sabermetrics.

Thank you. I saw it go out over Twitter and some responses I saw made me think at least some people thought it was real. And I figured there was a chance that Hawk was hamming it up for them. But still seemed unlikely.

 

How sad is it that I thought there was a small chance he actually said those things? Not sure if that is bad for me, or bad for Hawk.

lol I actually thought this too while reading it and about halfway through I realized "banking industry" was being subbed for "sabermetrics"

So wait, Sabermetrics came within an inch of destroying the world?

So wait, Sabermetrics came within an inch of destroying the world?

 

Just lucky Batman had stopped Bane already, otherwise it would have

OHHHHH, I get it now.

If nothing else, I think the part about pushing the wall to keep the world turning was a dead giveaway.

That was awesome.

I think it's ridiculous and tired. We get it already .Hawks a parody of himself . Beating a dead horse unfunny.