Wong & Owens

What, no Kansas City?

I don't want no stinkin Rent-A-Beltran. Get me one starter, and one reliever, and I'm a happy guy.

This should help: http://www.eatjamaican.com/recipes.html

He hit .185 last year against the Sox.

You're half Gaelic, half garlic.

You're right about Guillen and White, but Young only hits .241 vs the Sox, and Maroth and Cornejo are a combined 6-8, with a 4.71 ERA vs. the good guys.

You needn't worry about the Tigers: IRod will not hit .370 all season, and is due to get hurt again. Rondell White is due for his annual trip to the DL Carlos Guillen, is good, but not this good. After they trade Urbina, their bullpen will make Cleveland's look like the Dodgers' Alex Sanchez isn't a .325 hitter Bobby Higginson will still be on the team Don't take them lightly, don't take anyone lightly, but I don't think you have to worry this year.

I don't know where all of you Japanese culture experts get your information, but the scientific and academic communities all agree that the gong was created in the 1970's by Chuck Barris. Geez, and some of you went to college?

Seeing as how i am part Irish and part Polish, and therefore a stupid drunk, I have no idea what you are saying. I am also part Swedish, but I couldn't think of any stereotypes for them. I do have blue eyes and blonde hair, but that's not a fun stereotype. Hmmm.... Oh crap, now JimH has enough info to launch a full investigation on me.

If I were a closer pitching in the Japanese league, I'd have them play Jimi Hendrix's version of The Star Spangled Banner every time I entered the game. The whole thing.

I am no longer shocked at how bad professional journalists are anymore, but I am frequently amused. In reading the Sun-Times this morning, I came across this enormously informative report: BANGKOK, Thailand -- Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni, who has been credited with one of the most successful HIV prevention campaigns in the world, said Monday that abstinence was more effective than condoms Really? Not having sex is better at preventing std's than having sex with a condom? Wow, that IS news. No wonder Uganda has one of the most successful HIV prevention campaigns, they have state-of-the-art research giving them up-to-the-minute data like this. Uganda surely also has one of the most successful obesity-prevention campaigns as well, due no doubt to the research their scientists did that showed that not eating is better than eating in order to lose weight. Thank You, Uganda. And this miraculously moronic quote, from the story about the capture of Anson Paape: "I'm glad he was caught," said Randy Wooten, a social studies teacher at York Community High School where Murray would have been a senior in the fall. This must be opposed to the thousands of people in the community who are NOT glad he was caught. They are wishing he would remain at large, in hopes that he would come to their house and shoot their kid in the head. Oh, those wacky Elmhurstians.

All Polish men are stupid All Polish women are smelly All Irish men are drunks All Irish women are drunks All Italian men are mobsters All Italian women have mustaches All German men are humorless, emotionless robots All German women are actually men All African men are lazy All African women have 12 kids All Arab men are terrorists All Arab women are hairy All Mexican men are greasy All Mexican women have 13-inch fingernails All British men have bad teeth All British women have even worse teeth All Greek men are gay All Greek women will only date greek men All Jewish men have big noses All Jewish women have never been to a good restaurant All Asian men are martial arts experts All Asian women are bad drivers All French men are effeminate snobs All French women are sexy

Reading this thread is like watching midget-on-animal porn. It's so wrong, yet, I can't stop watching. Message boards are public forum. If you don't want to risk having personal information investigated, then don't throw it out there for all to see. JimH isn't some nazi--he didn't beat any info out of ncorg--he might be a tad obsessed but ncorg asked for it. Essentially, most people on message boards are strangers to each other, and you should still conduct yourself with the same discretion that you'd use in a room full of people. Ncorg would never have attempted to tell his "Im a stockholder" story at Jimbo's, for fear that someone with inside info might be within earshot, and could "out" him. Same rules apply here. It's like that scene in "Tombstone" where Kurt Russell boots Billy Bob Thornton out of the saloon. If you're gonna run your mouth and demean people, eventually someone's going to want to find out if your s*** stinks or not. If it doesn't, you're toast.

Well if you don't like it Go ahead, find yourself a saint Go ahead now, Try to find a boy Who's gonna be what I ain't Now what you need is A plastic doll with a fresh coat of paint Who's gonna sit through the madness And always acts so quaint Said yeah yeah yeah With your new friend You're really making a scene And I see you bouncing around From machine to machine And you know They're never real, they're Never what they seem And you can try to generate some warmth And you see just what I mean I said yeah yeah yeah And If I'm acting like a king Well that's cause I'm a human being And if I want too many things Don't you know that I'm a human being And if I've got to dream Baby baby baby yeah I'm a human being And when it gets a bit obscene (wooah) I'm a human being And I've just got to go around With my head hung down Just like a human, babe, An unknown human being And I can hold my head so high Cause I'm a human, a riff raff human being Why won't you give me a little sip Why don't you try me on a drag of that cigarette Why don't you try to give me something that I will never ever forget But now don't you blow it all On a million dollar bet Because you're liable to lose it On the best lovin' you've had yet I'm beggin yeah yeah oh yeah And If I'm acting like a king Well that's cause I'm a human being I want too many things Don't you know that I'm a human being And if I've got to dream I said well, I'm a human being And when it gets a bit obscene (wooah) I'm a human being And I've got to go around With my head hung down Just like a human, babe An unknown human being And I can hold my head so high Cause I'm a human, a riff raff human being In fact I'm talking about the human race You're trying to cover up the big disgrace I said yeah yeah yeah, Oh C'mon C'mon C'mon Yeah, yeah, oh yeah Well I may think that this whole scene is Just a Too appalling for me Or I may be the type who's just a mad about Every little thing that I see Well I can color that with mystery Or make it just what I want it to be While I'm blowing my change on the fan magazines With all the Hollywood refugees, screaming Yeah yeah, oh yeah And If I'm acting like a king I said well, I'm a human being And if I want too many things Don't you know that I'm a human being And if I've got to dream Baby baby, I'm a human being And when it gets a bit obscene (wooah) I'm a human being And I've got to go around With my head hung down Just like a human being We're all just human being And I can hold my head so high Cause I'm a human, a first class human being

Stick to your guns, Gashie. My advice as someone living "as I f***ing choose, shove it along with your 50% divorce rate up your ass, religious nutbags" for 2 years? If you don't want to live with someone, but you let her move in anyways, you'll constantly be resenting her (outwardly or not) for encroaching on your space, and you two won't last three months together. If you lay out your reasons for not wanting a roommate, and she explodes, or pouts, or pressures you to change your mind, well, then she's a selfish fugitive from Whore Island, and you would be better off without her anyways. If you do decide to be foolish and let her move in, I believe that as long as she pays rent(and can prove it) she has legal tenant rights after 4 months. It doesn't matter if there's a written lease or not. To legally kick her out, you'd have to give her 30 days notice.

"The Jesus Tortillas" would make a great name for a band.

Ha! Seriously though, when I was in college, I worked as a flower delivery guy. The head florist was this gay guy who actually did write scripts for straight porn movies for extra cash. He let me read them all the time, they were hilarious.

Good point. I hope no one has enough info on me to do any digging, I wouldn't want it revealed that I am a heterosexual florist who writes scripts for porn movies on the side.

I don't care if he is who he says he is or not, either way, he's a jagoff. Never would waste time and energy going to the lengths that Base Ball did, however.

I would like to play in the H2H league, let me know the details.

Bradford is a righty-only relief pitcher. A decent righty-only relief pitcher are the easiest, and cheapest commodities in baseball to come by. Virtually every team in baseball has a relief pitcher that does a good job of getting righties out. I'd take an everyday player over situational relief pitcher every time. The Foulke trade may very well have been a wash. I don't think the Sox win the WS with him last year, and this year he'd been gone. Who knew Koch would prove to be completely incompetent? Hindsight's always 20/20. The Sox's situation was the best? Come on, he had(as you pointed out) a 95-win team with a $30 million dollar payroll, comprised of a pitching staff that included Mike Sirotka, who hasn't pitched since, Jim PArque, who cant crack a MLB roster, Cal Eldred, who caught lightning in a bottle one last time, James Baldwin, a mediocre pitcher who had his career year in the 1st half of 2000, Chris Singleton in CF, and Herbert Perry at 3B. What he walked into was a setup for failure. NO gm was going to win the next year with that team. He moves some of those guys and they dont win, he gets blamed for not keeping a winning team together. He keeps those guys and they dont win, he gets blamed for not improving the team. KW has exactly the same number of WS games as Billy Beane, Jim Hendry, Theo Epstein/Dan Duquette, and many others.

Colon was EXACTLY the pitcher the Sox expected when they got him, look at his numbers from last year in comparison with his career. Most of them are very close. If you and other ignoramuses were expecting an "Ace," then it's your own damn fault for overrating the guy. If you want Liefer and Biddle so badly, I can only hope you become the next GM of the Twins. The Sox were in need of a playoff-tested horse when they got Wells, and Wells was pretty much the best one available. It's not KW's fault that he got hurt. A cancer? Hardly, he's always been a loudmouth doofus, if he wins 17 games and the Sox go to the playoffs, nobody says s*** about him being a cancer. KW has made exactly one horrendus trade since becoming GM. That's a ratio that I'd put up aginst 95% of the other GM's.

A frustrated fan's vent: Neal Cotts: Many relief pichers have an entrance song that gets played when they come into a game. "Hells Bells", for Trevor Hoffman, for example. I've got your song -- "I'm Walkin'" by Fats Domino. Over the last ten games, the Sox have given up home runs to Rey Ordonez, Christian Guzman, and Jeff DaVanon. That's 9 combined HR's from this bunch this season, 1/3rd courtesy of our pitching staff. I think Willie Harris would want to demand a trade to another AL Central team, pronto. And speaking of Willie Harris, stop the f***ing fake bunts on the first pitch, please? Every pitcher has figured out you take the first pitch, and you haven't had a bunt hit in months. Try smacking one of those first pitch fastballs for a change, it couldn't hurt your current 4-for-40something streak. Hi, I'm Joe Crede. I suck. Thank You. Poor Frank Thomas. "Me no likey pinch-hitting. Now my poor head is messed up for weeks since big bad Ozzie benched me for 3 games." And the count moves to 2 and 2 on Jose Valentin, Lackey gets the signal from Molina. Wait! The Jumbotron just revealed the pitch Molina is calling for! This is unbelieveable! The whole stadium can see that Molina has called for a breaking pitch low and out of the strike zone! Here's the windup, the pitch, Valentin swings and misses. Ahhh, I feel better. For now.

Hey! I ain't even 30 yet. I must be an old soul....

Will his body be replaced in the coffin by one of an Indian woman?