Steff

Handy Hormone Hostage Guide The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This "Handy Hormone Hostage Guide" should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other. DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown! SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars. DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today! SAFEST: Ya know, I've always loved you in that robe.

"Cows,Constitution,and Carlin" COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow. CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore. TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment! And Last but not least..... George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart .. "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her a** off to jail."

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY 8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite! 9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite! 10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite! 11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite! Noon Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite! 1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite! 4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite! 5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite! 5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite! 6:00 p.m.. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite! 8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts... They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time now...

QUOTE(NUKE_CLEVELAND @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 04:24 PM) Poster child numero uno for 3 strikes laws. A life of crime for over 20 years... :headshake This little girl blood is on the hands of every judge and prosecutor that ever saw this scumbag.

http://www.wral.com/travelgetaways/5269753/detail.html POSTED: 11:59 am EST November 7, 2005 UPDATED: 12:59 pm EST November 7, 2005 MAHE, Seychelles -- A cruise liner that was attacked by pirates over the weekend docks safely on this Indian Ocean archipelago after changing its course to escape. Passengers described their horror as pirates in speedboats chased their luxury cruise liner at sea, firing rocket-propelled grenades and assault rifles -- with smiles visible on faces otherwise hidden by ski masks. "I was scared, I was very scared," said Jean Noll of Florida. But her husband said the experience was not likely to deter them from enjoying another cruise. "We cruise all the time," Clyde Noll said. The Seabourn Spirit had been bound for Mombasa, Kenya, when it was attacked by pirates armed with grenade launchers and machine guns on Saturday about 100 miles off Somalia's lawless coast. The ship escaped by shifting to high speed and changing course. The gunmen never got close enough to board the cruise ship, but one member of the 161-person crew was injured by shrapnel, according to the Miami-based Seabourn Cruise Line, a subsidiary of Carnival Corp. After docking at the Seychelles, passengers boarded two buses for a tour of two of the resort islands and reporters were kept away. Most passengers were to continue from the Seychelles to Singapore, company officials said, although some who planned to tour Mombasa were to fly there Tuesday aboard a chartered plane. Relieved holiday-makers praised the ship's captain for foiling the attack that lasted for more than 90 minutes, during which pirates fired their weapons on the bridge and elsewhere in an effort to cripple the vessel. Some passengers were lucky to escape with their lives, said Charles Forsdick, from Durban, South Africa. A woman survived an explosion in her stateroom simply because she was taking a bath at the time. Others flung themselves to the floor to avoid bullets that were zipping through the ship, Forsdick told Associated Press Television News. "I tell you, it was a very frightening experience," WWII veteran Charles Supple, of Fiddletown, Calif., recalled by phone after the liner dropped anchor off Seychelles. The retired physician and World War II veteran said said he started to take a photograph of a pirate craft, and "the man with the bazooka aimed it right at me and I saw a big flash. "Needless to say, I dropped the camera and dived. The grenade struck two decks above and about four rooms further forward," Supple said. "I could tell the guy firing the bazooka was smiling." Bob Meagher of Sydney, Australia, said he climbed out of bed and went to the door of his cabin shortly before 6 a.m. after hearing a commotion outside. "I saw a white-hulled boat with men in it waving various things and shooting at the ship -- at that stage it appeared to be rifle fire," he told Australian radio. "My wife said `look, they're loading a bazooka,' which we later discovered was called an RPG (rocket-propelled grenade) launcher." "There was a flash of flame and then a huge boom -- a terrible boom sound," he said, adding the grenade hit about 10 feet from where they were. The liner had been at the end of a 16-day voyage from Alexandria, Egypt. Australian Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said Monday that the attackers might have been terrorists. But others said the attack bore the hallmarks of pirates who have become increasingly active off Somalia, which has no navy and has not had an effective central government since 1991. Judging by the location of the attack, the pirates likely were from the same group that hijacked a U.N.-chartered aid ship in June and held its crew and food cargo hostage for 100 days, said Andrew Mwangura, head of the Kenyan chapter of the Seafarers Assistance Program. That gang is one of three well-organized pirate groups on the 1,880-mile coast of Somalia, which has had no effective government since opposition leaders ousted a dictatorship in 1991 and then turned on each other, leaving the nation of 7 million a patchwork of warlord fiefdoms. Somalia's Prime Minister Ali Mohamed Gedi has long urged neighboring countries to send warships to patrol Somalia's coast, which is Africa's longest and lies along key shipping lanes linking the Mediterranean with the Persian Gulf and Indian Ocean. U.S. and NATO warships patrol the region to protect vessels in deeper waters farther out, but they are not permitted in Somali territorial waters. The International Maritime Bureau has for several months warned ships to stay at least 150 miles away from Somalia's coast, citing 25 pirate attacks in those waters since March 15 -- compared with just two for all of 2004. The 440-foot-long, 10,000-ton cruise ship, which is registered in the Bahamas, sustained minor damage, the cruise company said. The liner, which had its maiden voyage in 1989, can carry 208 guests.

:headshake http://www.wral.com/news/5248073/detail.html Woman Charged In 1995 Slaying Released From Prison Melanie Gray Sentenced For Death Of Danny Pence POSTED: 6:55 am EST November 4, 2005 UPDATED: 9:21 pm EST November 4, 2005 RALEIGH, N.C. -- Melanie Gray was 14 when she helped kill a Wilmington student in 1995. On Friday, she walked out of prison, but she may also go down as one of the most troublesome inmates ever. During her time in prison, Gray racked up close to 120 infractions. Most were things such as fighting, gambling and stealing. The most recent one was on Oct. 11 for disobeying orders. State Department of Correction officials said Gray may have the most infractions of any inmate. Gray was sentenced to prison for her role in the death of 17-year-old Danny Pence. Pence was at Wrightsville Beach when Gray and her former boyfriend Todd Boggess, kidnapped him in 1995. Gray and Boggess drove him to a remote, wooded area of Durham County, where Boggess beat him and left him for dead. Investigators say the pair committed the crime to take Pence's Ford Mustang.

Joseph P. Smiths Rap Sheet Sarasota County 4/26/93 AGGRAV BATTERY, LOITERING-OR PROWLING 4/3/96 CONVERTED - DRIVING WHILE LICENSE SUSPENDED 7/1/97 CARRYING CONCEALED WEAPON-ELECTRIC WEAPON OR DEVICE 4/1/99 DRUGS POSSESS-CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION FRAUD-OBTAIN CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE BY ATTACH REGISTRATION LICENSE PLATE NOT ASSIGNED DRUGS-POSSESS NEW LEGEND DRUG WO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS-POSSESS NEW LEGEND DRUG WO PRESCRIPTION 4/22/99 FRAUD-OBTAIN CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE BY 5/5/00 FRAUD-OBTAIN CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE BY 9/7/01 FRAUD-OBTAIN CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE BY DRUGS POSSESS-CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION FRAUD-POSSESS BLANK PRESCRIPTION FORM FIRST VIOL 2/4/04 DRUGS POSSESS-CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION NARCOTIC EQUIP POSSESS-AND OR USE 2/6/04 HOMICIDE WILFUL KILL-MURDER PREMEDITATED KIDNAP-INFLICT BODILY HARM OR TERRORIZE VICT OR OTHER SEX ASSLT-BY OVER 18 YOA SEX BATTERY VICTIM UNDER 12 YOA http://courtweb.co.sarasota.fl.us/c...browse.asp?pg=1 Manatte County - One County to the North 11/7/1997 787.02(1A) FALSE IMPRISONMENT 11/7/1997 784.03(1A1) BATTERY http://www.clerkofcourts.com/mpa/cv...ase_id=65684636 One of his former crimes.. "On Nov. 7, 1997, just before 9:30 p.m., Stinson, a 20-year-old Wal-Mart employee, left Livingston's pool hall in the 6200 block of 14th Street West and was walking south along Tamiami Trail to her cousin's house. Near Bowlees Creek, she saw a man standing on the sidewalk" "Come over here," he said. She refused and told him she had no money. "I don't care," he said, then grabbed her and tried to pull her over the wooden railing and into a dark bed of reeds and bushes. The attacker wore a light blue uniform shirt with a name tag and had short dark hair. Stinson slipped and fell, and the man jumped on top of her. "If you don't quit screaming, I'll cut you," he told her." http://www.heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll.../NEWS/402060368 So much for rehabilitation.. :headshake

QUOTE(Controlled Chaos @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 04:01 PM) Oh, I love pools.... I'll take 11/14. That's when I predict the s*** will really hit the fan...hence time to blame the US and George. What the heck did Soxtalk do...???

QUOTE(kapkomet @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 03:41 PM) And I thank you. At least you have some common sense, even if we disagree on things. But I guaran-damn-tee you that somewhere in the media, George Bush will be at fault for this. George.. or Pauly. I'm in for a square on 11/11 Nuke.

QUOTE(Soxy @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 03:37 PM) Who's going to rehabilitate the kid's life? They don't get a second chance at a childhood. GMTA!!

QUOTE(Balta1701 @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 03:34 PM) Of course, the counterpoint to this is the question...how do you know that their time in prison won't rehabilitate them, to the point where they could actually build a normal life for a kid? Too bad, so sad, for them. They had their chance BEFORE they abused. IMO, you don't get a second chance to eff up where children are concerned. And children don't forget... forever she will live with fear because of what these who assholes did to her.

QUOTE(NUKE_CLEVELAND @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 03:23 PM) Step 1. Take the kid(s) away. Step 2. Toss these scumbags in jail for a nice long time. People who harm children are the lowest form of life on earth. Sadly, they didn't kill the kid so they'll be out in 18 or so months. What they should do to ANYONE that commits a crime against a child is "fix" them so they can no longer reproduce, and place their children in NO INFORMATION foster/adoptive homes. Give the kids a shot at a normal life. Break the cycle.

QUOTE(Kid Gleason @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 03:05 PM) Well...I'm about 2 minutes from Cary right now, as I grew-up in and work in Crystal Lake. Tinley Park? No...try upscaled Mayberry. LOL!!! It's actually a very nice little town. Kind of historic in a way, as the "downtown" is very nice looking, but consists of about 150' of street. Ahhh.. we have one of those streets in Plainfield. I couldn't tell from the tv, but the guy interviewed made it sound like it was a "everybody knows your name" town. Any updates on the kids?

QUOTE(iWiN4PreP @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 03:00 PM) holy hell... I used to live in cary illinois. no joke . wow, that was weird just seeing the name "CARY, IL" What's it like there..? More like Tinley Park.. or Monee...??

QUOTE(SleepyWhiteSox @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 02:50 PM) Yep, I wasn't. I don't care at all about your thoughts and opinions. Honestly. It was an interesting topic, so I simply stated my opinion on the question you posed. No cares.. yet you responded directly to my comment.. Perhaps you're sincere. I don't think so. But in case you might be, I apologize.

QUOTE(SleepyWhiteSox @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 02:44 PM) Still have that b**** issue, I see... I was just stating my opinion. No comprehension needed when they're my own opinions. It wasn't even a knock on anything you said, just giving my thoughts on the subject, so I have no clue why you have to come off with one of your patented conceited, smart-ass remarks. Absolutely on the b**** comment. I don't hide like the pussy some here are. So you weren't questioning my comment...? Because I was asking a question...? A direct response to a dog being abused and their actions from it. Not a knock.. yea... ok. Hurry along kiddo... you have some PM's to author.

QUOTE(mreye @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 02:41 PM) That's how I felt about Verizon. To each his own, I guess, but it's probably just you. It is.. we have them also and have no problems. Also.. I got 2 new phones within 3 months so if you do a little complaining they will likely hook you up with just a $20 activation fee.

QUOTE(SleepyWhiteSox @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 02:29 PM) Yep. I say blame, and punish, both extensively. If a dog maliciously bites me, I would definitely want the dog put to sleep and the owner properly charged. Still have that comprehension issue I see..

QUOTE(KevHead0881 @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 01:31 PM) Who are the Cubs? Seriously. Who effing cares. Paying attention to those asses warrents some cheese and whine for the Sox fans who are doing it..

QUOTE(tonyho7476 @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 12:59 PM) Ha, really. I have been using cash, when I can. And I got my refund on my extra tix, so I've been spending that. Still waiting for my bats. Have you gotten either one yet? Got the CS one on Saturday. I expect the WS one at the end of the week or over the weekend. It's sweeeeet.

QUOTE(Tony82087 @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 12:48 PM) Saw it at the Mall few days ago. The center of it is the Sox all out on the mound in Houston celebrating. Very cool. I am soooo going to get my ass kicked when the CC bills start rolling in.

Not WS Champ stuff... But a cute thing to send out this Christmas.. http://cgi.ebay.com/WHITE-SOX-CHRISTMAS-CA...1QQcmdZViewItem

QUOTE(tonyho7476 @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 12:08 PM) I don't agree...they need to be banned. The biggest problem is the assholes who buy these dogs and mistreat them, causing a dangerous situation. So blame the dog for the asshole owners actions...?? I don't know much about the breed. Just what I've read and there's good and bad. IMO, owning a pet should be much harder anyway. Make it harder and I think that might be a step in the right direction in some sort of control. Make it especially harder to own a larger dog like Chows, and Shepards, and Rotts which seem to be responsible for 70% of all REPORTED attacks in the US. And I'm not talking about not allowing folks to adopt and raise those breeds (because I know several folks who have wonder dogs of those breeds).. but educate and screen the potential owners and make them MORE responsible for their dogs actions.

We bought a Montero Limited last weekend to replace the Jeep, which was dying a slow death... the Jeep cost on average $40 to fill up... the new monstrosity... $62 buckarro's this morning..

QUOTE(kapkomet @ Nov 7, 2005 -> 11:41 AM) Ya, I hear everyone on the epidural, and if I'm a betting man, after 4 hours, the wife will want it. But she's got that fear factor from the spinal tap - I guess those HURT. The daughter and son in law had to attend the "birthing" class at Edward over the weekend and she was freaking scared out of her mind of it before they saw a video of it. Maybe that'll ease Mrs Kap's mind a bit. I hear that a spinal tap feels "hot"...