NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom ! That lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in
the
toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother.
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
"She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police.
Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said
as she extended
her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I
saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?"
he
asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it
always
gives you a headache the next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a
small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he
thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto
the
Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf
that
had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found", the boy
called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the
young
boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear".
