C.Rector Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 From: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story...el_caple/040225 Last words from the Bartman ball By Eric Neel and Jim Caple Page 2 columnists Just 48 hours shy of his planned public execution -- he will be blown up on Thursday night in Chicago in an effort to put an end to all Cubs' curses -- the famed Bartman Ball finally broke his silence and addressed the media for the first time since that fateful Wrigley evening last October. The following is a complete transcript of his statement, delivered in the Grand Ballroom at the Chicago Hilton and Towers: [The ball is accompanied to the podium by the donut ring from Luis Castillo's bat. The donut ring speaks first.] Thanks to Steve Bartman and Moises Alou, the ball will now pay the ultimate price. "I'm here because I wanted The Ball to know that he isn't in this thing alone. We were all a part of what went down. And me, the bat, and Moises' glove, we all just want to say that we think it's wrong the way The Ball has been singled out like this." [The Ball then approaches the mic.] "The Ball will read a statement," The Ball says. "The Ball will not take questions. "To begin, does The Ball look great tonight or what? The Ball is lean, mean and 30 grams lighter. And before you start stirring up any s---, This has nothing to do with fallout from the BALCO hearings. The Ball got this way on the Atkins Diet. "Next, the Ball wants to say that $113,824.16 is chump change. The Ball is insulted at the price he brought at auction. The Ball wants a recount. And, more importantly, The Ball wants his share of the money. "Most importantly, The Ball has had it up to the Commissioner's signature with the blame game. Blaming The Ball for the Cubs giving up eight runs and blowing a three-games-to-one lead is ludicrous. Hate the playahs, not The Ball. Point your pyrotechnics at Moises Alou. Look at The Ball: He's round. He's small. How hard is it to catch him?! "And another thing, too ... where is your Dusty-hate? In Boston, a town where they know a thing or two about curses, by the way, they ran their slow-hooked manager out of town on a rail. But you guys, you just sat back and watched while Baker left Prior out there until his arm turned to linguini. "You want a ball worthy of your contempt? Try that pathetic little dribbler that skated under Buckner's legs in Beantown once upon a time. Sorry thing couldn't even get in the air. I was in flight, boys and girls. In flight and carrying your whole sick, twisted history with me, right into Moises' glove. I did my job. Get off me. "But if you really must blame a ball, blame the ball that bounced off Alex Gonzalez's glove. If that was The Ball, Gonzalez would have scooped him up for an inning-ending doubleplay and we're all still celebrating on Rush Street. "Speaking of which, The Ball could use a little something to drink right now. These lights are killing me.'' [A Cubs assistant pours him a glass of water.] One last look at the infamous Bartman ball. "The Ball is going to the big glove in the sky tomorrow and you bring him a lousy glass of water? Take this back and get The Ball some scotch. And make it The Macallan, 18-year.'' [A Cubs assistant brings a shot glass.] "What? Did someone just declare prohibition again? Is this all The Ball gets? Gaylord Perry couldn't throw a decent spitter with this.'' [A Cubs assistant brings a bottle.] "That's better. Now, this drink reminds The Ball that the madmen plotting his demise are claiming Harry Caray would 'want it this way.' To that, The Ball just says this: The only thing Harry would want right now is a nice, cold Old Style and a clear lane from the booth to the bathroom. "And do you really think you can kill The Ball anyway? Do what you will with the horsehide and the yarn, my friends, but The Ball has a solid rubber core. The Ball's spirit was here long before you (ask the Billy Goat) and it'll be here long after you've had your flashy little party tomorrow night. You want The Ball? You can't handle The Ball. Kill The Ball and The Ball goes martyr on your sorry asses. He goes immortally yard. "The Ball goes yard in Wrigley and St. Louis and Houston and Arizona and he goes yard in California and Texas and New York! And he goes yard in South Florida and Pittsburgh and Milwaukee and Detroit. And when the Expos move to Washington, D.C., The Ball goes so yard there he sails through the window and right into the White House. Yeeeeeaaaaah!" [The Ball collapses. There is a long, awkward silence that is broken by the occasional reporter sniffling and holding back tears. Then a Cubs assistant steps to the podium.] "Thank you for attending today,'' the assistant says. "And if you'll hold on a minute, we'll have the cork from Sammy Sosa's bat up here for you.'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
israel4ever Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 This whole "Bartman Ball" thing is another perfect example of why the Cubs/Cubfans are so f***ing lame! "They" should be blowing up Dusty Baker if "they" want to "kill" the cause of why "they" didn't go to the Series last year!!! I wonder who/what "they" are going to blame it on this year!!! :fthecubs :fthecubs :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 97.9 was doing their morning show where they are destroying the ball. As soon as I heard that, I didn't tune back this morning. The only good that comes out of this is money for charity. Otherwise this whole thing is a waste of money and time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAVVY18 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Since the ball will be gone, I bet they will go back to the goat. :sosasucks :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsideirish Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Since the ball will be gone, I bet they will go back to the goat. :sosasucks :fthecubs Nah, it will then be the ghost of the bartman ball. Or the curse of the Bartman ball. Some ridiculous ass s***! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
israel4ever Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 IF (huge "IF"!!!) I was a cubs fan, I wouldn't be one after today. I am embarassed for those assholes!!! :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YASNY Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 I hope Harry Caray comes back and haunts the restaurant until they take his name off of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxAce Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 This whole ball thing is ridiculous. If a ball should be destroyed in that series, it should be the A. Gonzalez ball that was booted. :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Gleason Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 This is just getting further and further out of hand. I should hope that if this EVER happend the Sox, that NO FAN would dare show up for something as stupid as this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxAce Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 This is just getting further and further out of hand. I should hope that if this EVER happend the Sox, that NO FAN would dare show up for something as stupid as this. Too late. But it wasn't a ball. Ligue attacked Gamboa. Not a nice image for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Gleason Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 To give some credit to the boneheads, there is almost NO talk of this on their board. Plus the Cubs site makes no mention of the "event" on their main page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilJester99 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 There was supposedly a Sox Fan during the Today Show at Harry Carey's that was holding up a sign through out the broadcast that said "Get over it and go to a Sox game" Now I think that is great. http://boards.espn.go.com/cgi/mlb/request....b_chw&id=266695 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 I hope Harry Caray comes back and haunts the restaurant until they take his name off of it. His wife should be ashamed of herself for enabling this crap. He's rolling over in his grave, no doubt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsideirish Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Too late. But it wasn't a ball. Ligue attacked Gamboa. Not a nice image for us. Ligue was and is a Cub fan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Ligue was and is a Cub fan. Was he? I knew the other one was (can't remember his name). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Ladies and Gentlemen, John Kass There is only one man in the United States who deserves to decide what happens to the Bartman ball. And his name isn't Katie Couric. It's not Harry Caray's Restaurant boss Grant DePorter, who paid more than $100,000 for the ball at auction and will destroy it--as part of some ritualized fake Cubsian exorcism--on Thursday. The guy who should be deciding about what happens to the Bartman ball is a real baseball fan. His name is Steve Bartman. He paid for it. Not with money, but with his name, pride and pain. So if there is justice in Chicago, the Bartman ball would be placed in Bartman's hands. It should happen just about the time Couric and her fellow perky morning partners at the "Today" show begin their "exclusive" interview with DePorter, about how he plans to destroy the ball and free the Cubs from their alleged curses. These alleged curses include the curse of the goat and the curse of Bartman, who reached out and touched a foul ball in Game 6 of the 2003 National League Championship Series, which allegedly caused the Cubs to choke. Yet there is a real curse by a White Sox fan that mysteriously compelled Bartman to reach for that foul ball. It is the Kassian Curse, and I'll consider removing this evil hex only if the Cubs trade Mark Prior to the Sox for some Harry Chappas memorabilia. The latest chapter of the Bartman ball saga is one of those not-quite-real stories that TV loves, and provides oodles of free publicity for Harry Caray's. But Steve Bartman is a real person. And they should take that ball and deliver it to his house. They don't have to do anything fancy. Just drop it in a brown paper bag, toss in some peanuts, leave it on the front step and ring the doorbell. Then back off, let a lonely hand come out and take it and draw it back inside. Harry Caray's has received millions of dollars worth of publicity already. Charities have received money too. And TV has received the kind of canned subject matter that it loves. So what does Steve Bartman get? As all Chicago baseball fans know by now--even those who only pretend to like baseball--Bartman gets infamy. He was at Game 6 of the NLCS last year, at Wrigley Field, in the 8th inning with the Cubs leading, when a foul ball was hit toward him in the stands. Several fans forgot the game situation (they're Cubs fans) and reached for the ball. Bartman was the unlucky fellow who actually touched it, deflecting it away from the waiting, outstretched glove of Cubs outfielder Moises Alou. Since they're the Cubs, the inevitable happened. The pitcher threw fat pitches, the fielders couldn't field, the manager couldn't manage and the Cubs choked in Game 6 and then again in Game 7. Bartman was blamed, since blaming the actual Cubs was more difficult than believing in a curse. I was at that game--as a White Sox fan whispering ancient Greek incantations, hoping they'd choke and they did--and ran over to where Bartman was sitting. The fans threw beer on him and hurled insults, yelling terrible things at him. A lawyer named Jim picked up the ball. He told me that he graduated from Marist High School and grew up in Sox country in Oak Lawn as a Cubs fan. So what are you going to do with the ball? "I don't know," said Marist Jim from Oak Lawn, the treasure safely in his pocket, as Bartman leaned forward in his own seat, hands over his head, rocking back and forth in unspeakable mental pain. Marist Jim made more than $100,000 by putting that ball up for auction. But what does Bartman get, what's his end? Chicago is the home of the Outfit, and the politics have always been crooked. The politicians and friends of theirs have been sucking up so much public money on inside deals that the sidewalks are collapsing from the weight of the property tax bills. Still, Chicago prides itself on being a just town, fair and reasonable, full of people who understand justice. And Chicago justice demands that the ball should not be destroyed as a stunt. Instead, it should be handed to the man who has suffered for it the most. Bartman could pulverize it, or he could save it. Or he might want to cleanse the curse by walking out to his neighborhood baseball diamond when nosy reporters aren't around and quietly toss it onto the grass. Later, the neighborhood kids could beat it further into anonymity with their bats, say during a pickup game, with right field closed and pitcher's hands out. If there are such games anymore. If there are such curses. Give Steve Bartman his ball. jskass@tribune.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsideirish Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Was he? I knew the other one was (can't remember his name). Yes. Hes the one that got wasted at the cubs game with his son then went over to our park and got even more hammered. When he was banned from the park his mother said that it doesn't matter because he is a cubs fan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iguana Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 This whole "Bartman Ball" thing is another perfect example of why the Cubs/Cubfans are so f***ing lame! "They" should be blowing up Dusty Baker if "they" want to "kill" the cause of why "they" didn't go to the Series last year!!! I wonder who/what "they" are going to blame it on this year!!! :fthecubs :fthecubs :fthecubs think about this. why are the cubs doing this? publicity. plain and simple. and it is working. yea, it is dumber than a box of rocks but it is doing the job it was supposed to. i just wish the sox were able to come up with this type of marketing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsideirish Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Ladies and Gentlemen, John Kass AWESOME!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 A lawyer named Jim picked up the ball. He told me that he graduated from Marist High School and grew up in Sox country in Oak Lawn as a Cubs fan. What is the deal Marist Alum and the Cubs? Brian graduated from there and was a Cub fan until a few years ago. Another reason to add to the list of why I don't like Marist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pastime Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Another outstanding article by Kass. He's one of ours. This whole thing with the ball is by far the stupidest, most moronic, most brainless publicity stunt I've ever seen. And what's really sick is that in a lot of Cubs Fans' twisted minds, the ball represents Steve Bartman. When they blow the ball up, a lot of sicko stupid Cubs drones will actually somehow mentally convince themselves that Bartman was blown up. They've given the ball a "human-like" quality. Those are some scary people, I gotta tell ya. :headshake If they want to blow up the REAL reason for the blown Game 6 - then take Dusty Baker, Mark Prior, and Alex Gonzalez, put them in the middle of the room, stuff some sticks of TNT up each of their asses, and light the fuses. Actually, do it anyways, since I can't wait until July 4th, and I'd like to see some fireworks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnB Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 What is the deal Marist Alum and the Cubs? Brian graduated from there and was a Cub fan until a few years ago. Another reason to add to the list of why I don't like Marist. hey i go to marist but it sucks so I take no offense. But unfortunately, i'd say the baseball fans there are about 50/50, sox and cubs. Which is pathetic for being a south side school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greasywheels121 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Another scape goat for the Cubs....Let's blame the 8 runs on a fan trying to catch a FOUL ball....... Bartman wasn't the guy up 3-2 in the series taking it to their HOME park w/ Wood and Prior on the mound.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Another scape goat for the Cubs....Lets blame the 8 runs on a fan trying to catch a FOUL ball....... A foul ball that was out of play none the less... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OZZ-fest 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Cubs fans are just idiots, plain and simple. They think this is going to vault them into the World Series. Keep drinking Cubs fans! :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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