I was spanked, and I plan on doing the same to my future kids some day. The point is not to hurt them, but to use it as a scare tactic as punishment for their crimes. There's a clear difference between abuse and appropriate yet authoritative punishment.

Edited July 23, 200916 yr by knightni

There's a clear difference between abuse and appropriate yet authoritative punishment.

Not to the authorities these days... unfortunately.

I don't want to...but I'm sure in the heat of the moment, I will.

There's supposed to be a poll here, but I don't see it

I see no good reason to, and won't, but that is just my personal philosophy.

 

For me spanking is not about inflicting pain or beating your kids. Its at the most a couple of swipes that make more noise, and maybe sting at the most. This is something that gets transitioned into other methods of punishment as the child grows older. Its the same methods my father used on me and my brothers, and I believe in. Now I have transitioned my oldest to privilege removal, and grounding if necessary to get the point about on the same time frame my father used for me.

 

But again, its about the methods you use and your results. Punishment has to be catered to your child and their personality and your belief set.

 

 

 

 

I don't think using violent behavior is a good example to teach children.

I got the hand, the belt, and broke more wooden spoons than I care to remember. By today's standards (and maybe even by "yesterdays") some would probably say my parents went over the line. I decided way back when that I was not going to be like that "when I grew up."

 

I don't usually spank my kids, but I have done it on a few rare occassions when they have been BAD (such as really talking back), as opposed to just being normal, kid-like "naughty." Generally, I have found that other forms of discipline (time outs, taking away TV or toys) have been just as effective.

 

I'm lucky though, my kids are pretty good and I'm generally proud of how I see them behaving, both with adults and other kids. I don't know what the parents of some of their friends and classmates do for discipline, but with some it obviously isn't working; there seems to be more bratty, spolied kids today than I encountered as a child. However, my wife and I try to use other kids' bad behavior as a teaching point whenever possible, and reinforce our kids' good behavior in contrast. I think that can be more effective than a whack on the ass.

Edited July 22, 200916 yr by PlaySumFnJurny

Strong willed kids are TOTALLY different then compliant kids. You can't generically say one things works and another doesn't because every kid is different. I do my damndest to keep my oldest in line, but if she's going to act like an ass in public, frankly, there's not a damn thing I can do about it, and anyone that says "that kid's a spoiled brat" or "those parents must be idiots" - I have two words for you. f*** off. You don't know me or my child, so please don't pass judgement on things you don't know. I HATE it when my kid acts up, and I remove her from the situation, but the scene has been already created. It drives me crazy for people to pass judgement on situations like this.

 

/soapbox

Strong willed kids are TOTALLY different then compliant kids. You can't generically say one things works and another doesn't because every kid is different. I do my damndest to keep my oldest in line, but if she's going to act like an ass in public, frankly, there's not a damn thing I can do about it, and anyone that says "that kid's a spoiled brat" or "those parents must be idiots" - I have two words for you. f*** off. You don't know me or my child, so please don't pass judgement on things you don't know. I HATE it when my kid acts up, and I remove her from the situation, but the scene has been already created. It drives me crazy for people to pass judgement on situations like this.

 

/soapbox

 

 

Yes, even within the same family, every kid will be different, and what works with one is not guaranteed to work with another.

 

I am careful not to come off to my kids as passing judgment on their friends or friends' parents as individuals; that can create its own bad precedent and problems. However, when a kid is acting bratty in public, I see no problem in pointing that out to my kids as an example of how not to act, if they don't want to get in trouble.

 

I know bad behavior when I see it, and I want my kids to know it too. However, I agree that a glimpse of such behavior doesn't qualify me (or them or anyone else) to pass judgment on a person's overall character or upbringing. That's bad behavior in its own right.

Edited July 22, 200916 yr by PlaySumFnJurny

I got spanked quite often as a little kid because I was really bad. I don't consider it abuse and didn't then, but nowadays it probably would qualify as abuse to some. I don't spank my son as often as I got spanked though, it's not necessary. It's not about causing the child pain, it's about sending a message. Right now the threat of being spanked is good enough and he can hear it in my voice. On the rare occasions I do spank him, it's not that hard. A couple swats on the ass, popping the back of his hand, or yanking his ear will do it and he'll cry because I hurt his feelings and made him stop doing what he's doing. I save it for when I really want to make my point though or when he's not listening, like playing near something dangerous after being told to stop, or running into the street.

 

Oh and in my house, talking back to an adult doesn't fly. It'll get you slapped in the mouth. I'm old school like that.

Strong willed kids are TOTALLY different then compliant kids. You can't generically say one things works and another doesn't because every kid is different. I do my damndest to keep my oldest in line, but if she's going to act like an ass in public, frankly, there's not a damn thing I can do about it, and anyone that says "that kid's a spoiled brat" or "those parents must be idiots" - I have two words for you. f*** off. You don't know me or my child, so please don't pass judgement on things you don't know. I HATE it when my kid acts up, and I remove her from the situation, but the scene has been already created. It drives me crazy for people to pass judgement on situations like this.

 

/soapbox

People don't realize how hard it is to control a crying infant until they're parents and their kid starts crying in public for no f***ing reason and they can't make them stop.

People don't realize how hard it is to control a crying infant until they're parents and their kid starts crying in public for no f***ing reason and they can't make them stop.

And sometimes a three year old. It just happens. Then I get the "you suck as a parent look" and I want to b**** slap the motherf***er who has that look. This is one that REALLY pisses me off.

 

I was spanked when I was a kid for scare tatics but it didnt really matter to me. They could have used other means because that didnt work, I still did whatever the f*** bad thing I was set out to do.

My parents used more "time-out" tactics when I was a kid, although it wasn't called time-out back then. It was basically "get your ass in your room right now and don't come out until dinner". I remember one spanking, and it was a doozy. So, I pretty much use the same philosophy with my kids. Sending them to their room works sometimes, but when I use the word "grounded", it seems to be much more effective. I can probably count the number of times I swatted my three kids on one hand. They knew they were in big trouble when that happened. If I were to spank them every time they did something that MIGHT merit a swat, spanking would not be effective.

 

So, I don't see the big issue with spanking. There's a huge difference between a spanking and child abuse.

Never...end of story.

 

Trust me...when your "future" kids become your acutal kids, you will have a different perspective.

Never...end of story.

 

Trust me...when your "future" kids become your acutal kids, you will have a different perspective.

No not really.

My oldest has a problem with back-talking. One day while we were leaving my parents house she was at it again and my wife was yelling at her about it. Finally I got tired of it and smacked her mouth and told her to knock it off. Not hard enough to hurt but enough to know that I was serious. It must have worked because we didn't hear a peep out of her the whole way home.

It depends on the situation, IMO. Back in the olden-days, kids would get the s*** beaten out of them for whatever reason, or so I've heard. However, I don't see the point in doing it unless it's for a severe situation. Doing for any trivial reason will probably make the kid resent you in the future, but if you do it when they need to be put in line, I think it's a good way of discipline.

The line is crossed if you do it because you're mad. If you do it because you're trying to enforce/correct a behavior, that's a different issue.

 

I just pull a gun.

 

WHAT?!?!?!?

IT'S NOT LOADED!!!!

 

 

I spanked my daughter once a few years ago, and I felt so horrible afterwards that I wondered who I punished.

Never again.

I voted no. I've spent a lot of time with learning theory and Skinner actually believed that punishment isn't as effective as positive reinforcement and omission training (taking stuff away). And the conditions under which physical punishment is effective are actually very hard to get right.

I voted no. I've spent a lot of time with learning theory and Skinner actually believed that punishment isn't as effective as positive reinforcement and omission training (taking stuff away). And the conditions under which physical punishment is effective are actually very hard to get right.

I understand the theory, and both my wife and I are well read on it - however, try as you might, occasionally there's nothing else to get through to a strong willed child. We do positive reinforcement, we do time out, we take things away - and at times none of it works. I mean it's not like I go around beating my child 24/7, but there's certain times where NOTHING else gets her attention. I hate it, but it is what it is.

 

I understand the theory, and both my wife and I are well read on it - however, try as you might, occasionally there's nothing else to get through to a strong willed child. We do positive reinforcement, we do time out, we take things away - and at times none of it works. I mean it's not like I go around beating my child 24/7, but there's certain times where NOTHING else gets her attention. I hate it, but it is what it is.

At the same time if you spank your kid all the time it doesn't have the same effect. They just get scared and pissed off.

At the same time if you spank your kid all the time it doesn't have the same effect. They just get scared and pissed off.

I agree.