Currently: Teach kids, not subjects

All time: When elephants fight, it is the grass that gets trampled

Bonus: When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

"Play some f***in Journey!"

Those who do not learn from their history, are doomed to repeat it.

"The safe route will ultimately lead to a mediocre result." - Kenny Williams

Instead of 1, I'll go with 25. Love this list. Dave Barry's 25 things I have learned in 50 years...

 

The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of

helicopters in it.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and

compelling reason why we observe Daylight Saving Time.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent

sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is

entertainment.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely

suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby

emerging from her at that moment.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

A penny saved is worthless.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never

be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth

is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the

planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in

the Middle East will be bitter enemies.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,

gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that,

deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to

make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

People who want to share their religious views with you almost

never want you to share yours with them.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

Nobody is normal.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human

race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential,

that word would be: meetings.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to

annoy people who are not in them.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all

of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He

will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad

hairstyle.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

You should not confuse your career with your life.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a

nice person.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too

seriously.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one

individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.

Very often, that individual is crazy.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

Your friends love you anyway.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

 

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

-- Dave Berry, "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

The two best sports ones are:

 

Steve Kerr: I've torn my ACL and will miss the season

Reporter: Doctors say that you only regain 80% of your speed after this surgery. Are you worried?

Steve Kerr: 80% of slow is still slow.

 

Walter Payton and Matt Suhey after a camping trip.

 

Reporter: What would the two of you have done if attacked by a bear.

Payton: Start running.

Suhey: You can't out run a bear.

Payton: I don't have to. I just have to out run you.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

 

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell

 

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

 

 

That Payton quote was hilarious.

 

"You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take" -- The Great One.

"I don't think that taste is there."

"It is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail."

--Abraham Maslow

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Seneca

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

"If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything." -Doc Brown

 

Of course it is BS because there is always someone in the way of whatever you are trying to accomplish.

No idea who said it, but...

 

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

"Look, Sir...droids."

I decided my quote of the month was Wayne Gretzky:

 

"You miss 100% of the shots you dont take."

 

It may be dont or ever seems like there is some debate.

Those Dave Berry ones are fantastic.

Edited February 4, 201115 yr by BigSqwert

Favorite understatement

 

" I really messed up this time " - Jeffrey Dahmer

 

Favorite Quote

 

" It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog "

"So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?"

— Hunter S. Thompson

If you want to play hide and seek with Marty Feldman, stand right in front of him and he will never find you.

Comedian David Brenner

 

 

 

 

Fav. sports quotes....

 

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" - Gretzky

 

"If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying." - Ichiro

 

“People ask me what I do in the winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.” - Rogers Hornsby

"Why the f*** do I want a caravan that's got no f***ing wheels?"

 

"You can't have your cake and eat it too" might be the stupidest f***ing quote ever. Who the hell wants to just have a cake and not be able to eat it? What's the point?

"You can't have your cake and eat it too" might be the stupidest f***ing quote ever. Who the hell wants to just have a cake and not be able to eat it? What's the point?

 

If you ate it then you wouldn't have it anymore. Maybe the order should be reversed and the quote should be "You can't eat your cake and have it too".

Another fav

I kid because I care™