NO!!MARY!!!

For the third straight day, Jay bemoans the fate of his beloved Cubbies. Sniff, sniff. But he also once again invokes the name of Steve Bartman, calling him the Designated Scapegoat. What a jagoff. First, he cuts loose on the guy the day after game 6, calling him a goof, an idiot and a nerd within the first 18 words of his column. Now, he keeps piling on the guy. Why? What the hell for? He makes absolutely no mention of Alex Gonzalez' error, Prior's meltdown or Wood's ineffective game 7 or Baker's bad moves. No, no. It is all the fault of Steve Bartman. He caused it. Oh. And the curse. Let's not forget about that. What an idiot. What an absolute idiot.

If the Cubs did choke, it would be one of the most delicious things to happen in the history of deliciousness. It would be more deliciouser than any delicious food I have ever had. That being said, I take the Cubs in six. No way the Fish beat Prior AND Wood. Messiah Prior will deliver the Cubs. Look for at least one dolt to write it that way in the Game 6 postgame wrapup, too.

If the Cubs win tomorrow, look for the bleating sheep of the media to repeat the following phrases ad naseum: "Armageddon!" "The world is coming to an end!" "The goat is slain!" "Curse lifted!" "Long-suffering Cub fans..." "America Cheers!" "DUSTINY!" All of these quotes will probably appear in Jay Mariotti's column alone. I'm willing to say that one or more will pronounce the White Sox' death sentence, probably Snide Rosenbloom will pronounce them ready to be contracted in 2006. Look for Jay M. to do the same once he's done having multiple fits of ecstasy over our Cubbies. Me, I have imposed a total media blackout, in effect until the end of the World Series.

I am willing to wager anyone that if the Cubbies go all the way this year, Sports Illustrated will name them "Sportsmen of the Year." Or at least Kerry Wood and Mark Prior. I feel it in my blood.

When you think about it, it is the White Sox who are the underdog, the White Sox who are David to their Goliath. The White Sox are every underdog who has never been given a chance. They are every homely high school loner who has been ignored or jeered at because of their looks while the jocks and prom queens get all the attention because they are outwardly more glamorous-looking. They are every scrawny kid who has been mocked and spat upon by the schoolyard bully. They are every kid who ever got picked last for sports. They are every person who has every been told that they are worth nothing. They are the tough, hard-scrabble working-class who sweat and work hard for a living, only to be hooted at and looked down upon by richer, more successful people. They are every person who, as a child, had to stand by and watch helplessly while a cuter, more adorable baby sibling got all the attention. THEY are Cinderella, working hard and slaving away while the evil, manipulative stepsisters get all the attention and love. They are the team that every one remembers for the "Black Sox," which we fans these days now have shoved in our faces to the point of vomiting. And what was the "Black Sox" scandal? A few guys who discovered that there was more money to be made in cheating and being dishonest than in playing fairly and by the rules. This is a tradition as American as mom and apple pie; and one that stretches all the way back to when Europeans first set foot on our shores and acquired the primest piece of real estate in the country for 24 bucks and a skyscraper to be named later; and continues down to the present day where politicians cheat their constituents, businessmen cheat their employees, people cheat other people and the Mob cheats everybody. The White Sox are truly America's Team.