So my girlfriend's ex hook-up is trying to creep on her again. Not that I see him as some sort of threat (he's dumb as box of rocks and going nowhere in life), it still pisses me off for whatever reason. I don't know the kid personally, so do I say nothing, something to the gf that I'm not happy, or somehow say something to him. I don't know why, but I was really bothered that this came up.

So my girlfriend's ex hook-up is trying to creep on her again. Not that I see him as some sort of threat (he's dumb as box of rocks and going nowhere in life), it still pisses me off for whatever reason. I don't know the kid personally, so do I say nothing, something to the gf that I'm not happy, or somehow say something to him. I don't know why, but I was really bothered that this came up.

How did you come about the knowledge that he is doing this?

Girlfriend told me. She responds to him with just general stuff. When I say creeping, I mean he's not saying anything over-the-top. Just general stuff, but I can tell he's trying to make good with her again.

how long have you and your girlfriend been together?

how long have you and your girlfriend been together?

Septemberish.

Septemberish.

 

 

Mmmm, you are kind of treading on in-between ground here. Cant really call her out for it, cant really sit back and be quiet and let it happen. He may be dumb as a box of rocks with no direction in his life, but he IS her ex boyfriend.

 

I would keep a close eye on the situation without making a big deal out of it

Just tell her that it makes you uncomfortable and you're worried he's going to try to get back with her. See what she says.

Nah, that comes off incredibly unconfident. The one thing women love is confidence.

 

I'd crack a joke like "Am I going to have to say something to this clown?" So she gets the gist that you're annoyed, but that you don't really see it as any sort of threat.

 

How long was she with said guy? Guys do this a lot (so do girls), but you've been together 6 months so saying the above is more than appropriate.

Actually beating around the bush about it seems less confident to me. Point awarded to milkman.

Girlfriend told me. She responds to him with just general stuff. When I say creeping, I mean he's not saying anything over-the-top. Just general stuff, but I can tell he's trying to make good with her again.

Be very careful, because you dont know what she responds with when you are not around. It could be that talking with her ex is thrilling for her in some way and could be bad for you dude.

Be very careful, because you dont know what she responds with when you are not around. It could be that talking with her ex is thrilling for her in some way and could be bad for you dude.

This.

 

My roommate was in a very similar situation about a year ago.

 

He found out that the girl he was dating was still hanging out with her ex. She was telling him that he initiated all the hangouts & was still doing it because she considered him a friend.

 

He gets ballsy & sends the guy a message through facebook asking him to cool it a bit (politely). Ex sends him one back saying that he understands where he's coming from & to let him know that the girl is initiating the hang outs as much as he is & that she's even spent the night a few times since they've been broken up.

 

Then while I was cooking dinner, I had to witness an ugly breakup.

This.

 

My roommate was in a very similar situation about a year ago.

 

He found out that the girl he was dating was still hanging out with her ex. She was telling him that he initiated all the hangouts & was still doing it because she considered him a friend.

 

He gets ballsy & sends the guy a message through facebook asking him to cool it a bit (politely). Ex sends him one back saying that he understands where he's coming from & to let him know that the girl is initiating the hang outs as much as he is & that she's even spent the night a few times since they've been broken up.

 

Then while I was cooking dinner, I had to witness an ugly breakup.

Yeah, usually when they are "sending messages" to their ex just to be nice, there is something else going on behind the scenes. She is probably deleting a majority of what is being said. Be very careful with that situation.

How long was she with said guy? Guys do this a lot (so do girls), but you've been together 6 months so saying the above is more than appropriate.

 

I should mention that I am just her 2nd boyfriend. Her first was of 2-3 years, but is well off the map now. The kid in question here was just some guy she basically hooked-up with out of confusion coming immediately after her long-term relationship. Didn't know her at the time. But I guess that's why I have a problem with it, he's a scumbag, but I don't know how to go about saying that.

I dunno. I don't think you should have to say anything. Isn't it apparent that if you both are dating, that you are doing so exclusively?

 

If this relationship is going to work, isn't it going to work because she wants to be with you, and not some scumbag she hooked up with in the past?

 

I would just do your thing and let it be. If she really likes you, you have nothing to worry about.

 

Now if she starts acting shady...that is a different thing altogether...

I say just enjoy the ride. If she acts Shady, then I would dump her and move on. Not even feel hurt about it because it will eventually manifest itself into something bigger. You won't trust her again and/or she won't give you a reason to trust her. From my experiences with girls who like to keep their ex's as friends, they've all been very flirtatious with all of them and they not only have commitment issues, but they're also very lonely at the same time. They'll cite depression, say they don't know what they want, and will get pissed if you break up with them and don't want to be their friend, trying to turn it around on you. Don't let that happen!

Yeah, but you don't want her to cheat on you for however long it might take you to figure out she's acting shady.

And if she is going to cheat on him, what makes you think that him telling her to not talk to her ex is going to stop her from doing anything?

I didn't say to give her an ultimatum, just to state that he doesn't like the idea of them talking. And it won't stop her if that is her plan, but maybe it'll give him an idea whether she will or not. Her reaction would likely tell a lot.

Oh yeah, my point is just if she is some kind of evil whore then she is going to be such whether he says anything to her or not.

 

There is no reason for her to talk to this guy if she's being exclusive to you. Her admitting contact could be interpreted several ways -- she feels the need to be open and honest, as proof of her devotion; or, what is the more likely scenario, she's testing your reaction. For what reason I can't guess, it could be to see if she can push the envelope; or to see if, in her mind, you love her enough to step up. Basically a, "it's a sign if he isn't upset about this" mindset. Women don't use logic with attraction and love; it could be a ridiculous reason for telling you or a sign of impending trouble.

 

Personally GT, I'd confront her about it. Not angrily, but as others have suggested, in a way that makes it clear that you don't approve. What exactly does she have to be upset about, that you understandably question the motives for her being in contact with someone she has hooked up with in the past? Turn the tables, how do you think she'd react to you being a contact with a past girlfriend or hookup?

 

Iamshack is right, if she's going to whore herself out it's going to be happen; but I'd rather her do it knowing full well how I feel before she starts crying after the breakup. What I figure is, if you limit the opportunities for the two to meet, you've. I'd be concerned about a, "well, he doesn't care that we talk, what harm could meeting him do?" approach.

 

Edited March 25, 201016 yr by Flash Tizzle

If it helps matters, that's what I've done with my situation, even though I'm technically the ex - labels are stupid and situations are different. I've basically told her that I want her to have as little to do with this other guy as possible. I understand them being "friends" but that anything more (in this instance, going to the bars with him and a couple of their other friends) than that really is a violation of trust and it ultimately hurts the relationship, and eventually it will be beyond repair. She has listened and, whether it was due to me telling her this or because she had other things to do, she has blown off the last 3 times she has had an opportunity to hang out with him (and I think it's a little bit of both).

Edited March 25, 201016 yr by witesoxfan

And if she is going to cheat on him, what makes you think that him telling her to not talk to her ex is going to stop her from doing anything?

And if she cheats, make sure you f*** her best friend before you break up.

And if she cheats, make sure you f*** her best friend before you break up.

I've actually already did that when we were in the beginning stages of hooking up. Whoops

I've actually already did that when we were in the beginning stages of hooking up. Whoops

 

well. Looks like you wield the hammer anyways

I've actually already did that when we were in the beginning stages of hooking up. Whoops

 

Keep that a secret if you can, thats good fightin ammo later on.

 

"Oh yeah, well (insert best friend's name here) f***ed me better than you ever have anyway."

And if she cheats, make sure you f*** her best friend before you break up.

If you ever hold a seminar on dealing with women...I'm there, front row.

I've actually already did that when we were in the beginning stages of hooking up. Whoops

 

Sounds like you should be the one giving out the advice, not asking for it