Honestly cw, I do understand you being upset, but the proplem is when someone reacts like this it gives the words power. I really believe that the more offended we get at words used for racism, sexism, and any of the other offending isms that exsist, we take the power out of our own hands and give it to those would hurt us. Not many people think like I do though, and I don't expect them to, but give it some thought.
But as to the central issue of your post, I do agree that for the masses and the good of the site, there should be a cut and dry policy with consequences for offending behavior involving the offending "isms". If we allow posters to use derogatory slang in just about any way shape or for we open the door to hate. I would say that offenders of sex, religion, race, or anything of the like should serve a short banishment with an explanation sent to that person as to why they were locked out. The second time they should be done, IMO.