Texsox

Sausage retires Mandy Block was recognized by the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council with a certificate of bravery. All for getting whacked by Randall Simon's bat.

Looking ahead.

McCasky inherited the team from Papa Halas. JR bought a franchise that almost no one (DeBartola excluded) wanted and kept it in Chicago along with Gov. Thompson and a stalled clock in Springfield. I still wonder what DeBartola would have done if his application was accepted by MLB. I think he would have sunk some more money into the team. But who knows if that would have equated to a Championship. Worst? Maybe it's penance for some unknown sin. I do believe years and years of amost full houses with a s***ty product contributes to his cheap ass, vindictive, ways.

NOTE FROM CHRIS: Secret Service agents recently questioned a Washington high school student about anti-war drawings he did for an art class. The 15-year-old boy's art teacher turned the drawings over to school administrators, who notified police, who called the Secret Service. And as if that weren't enough.... The Top 5 Recent Secret Service Busts 5> Detained 84-year-old Winnie Mae Davis at LaGuardia when her monogrammed knitting bag raised the suspicions of an alert security guard. 4> Motorcycle stunt fans across the nation were rounded up after a Google search revealed an underground Web ring of subscribers to an "Axis of Evel Knievel." 3> A small band of first-graders was detained for questioning after agents overheard a destructive plot directed at London bridges. 2> False alarm: It was just the Bush twins in the East Room playing "Spin the Iraqi Prisoner" again. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Recent Secret Service Bust... 1> After years of undermining the current administration, Martin Sheen and his shadow government were finally taken down. Join ClubTop5 to see the whole list: http://www.topfive.com/html/clubtop5.shtml ================================================================== Today's Classic Top5: Signs Your Sports Hero Has Stumbled Read it on our website: http://www.topfive.com To subscribe: [email protected] ================================================================== Rumination of the Day This morning I woke up with the ugliest, skankiest barmaid yet. Damn those Jedi and their stupid mind tricks! (Michael Cunningham) To subscribe to Ruminations: [email protected] ================================================================== Selected from 89 submissions from 36 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 1 (6th #1) Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2 Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 3 Matt Maynard, Orange Park, FL -- 4 Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 5 Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Topic Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- List moderator, RU/HM names Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor The Rolling Stones, London, England -- Ambience Ambience explained: http://www.topfive.com/arcs_am/am051004.shtml ------------------------------------------------------------------ "Executive Dribblage" and "In the Line of Dire" The Runners Up and Honorable Mention submissions The Runners Up and Honorable Mention submissions for today's list can be found on our website: http://www.topfive.com ================================================================== [ T H E T O P F I V E L I S T ] [TOPFIVE -- The Web's Best Original Humor http://www.topfive.com] [----------------------------------------------------------------] The Top 5 List (original lists) [email protected] Top5 Classic (greatest hits) [email protected] Ruminations (odd thoughts) [email protected] ================================================================== [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ] [ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ] ==================================================================

Owners who are fan friendly and marketing savy are all over the minor leagues. For the most part they are fans who are living a dream of owning a franchise. They are more involved in the marketing and closer to the fans. The local Hockey team here in McAllen (Mexican Border Town) sent players out into the community all "winter" to promote the game. Kids received little handouts and goodies in the school that also promoted the team. I know being a new franchise and playing in a new arena helped, but they were in the top 10 attendance for independant and minor league hockey. Not bad for an area that sees freezing temperatures every 15-20 years. Plus, hockey players, IMHO are the greatest for interacting with fans. Worst is a lousy owner. I think I enjoyed the Keanan era as much for the winning as I did for Keanan's propensity to tweek Dollar Bill and is lacky Pully. In tandem we have the wirtz owner and the worst GM in all of sports.

I was so down for most of last season and this off season I almost hated watching the scores. This year I expected us to be in 6th place in the Central, everyone hurt. This team has so greatly exceded my expectations, how can I help but be happy The Power of Pessimism - Catch It!

There is never a good sweep. I think a little adversity during a season helps a team with Championship asperations. I would rather face it in May and June then down the stretch. Ozzie has had to deal with a starter returning from the DL and now a 3 game losing streak. Is there a difference between a 3-game sweep and a 3-game losing streak? Would losing the final 2 games of one series and the first of the next be any different? It doesn't make a difference in the standings, but still I look at the season as a series of series.

Amazingly enough I am sitting here waiting for a plumber to unblock my sewer. I should be in a, pardon the pun, s***ty mood. They waited a month to get swept. Last season JM and the 2003 Edition took care of that opening weekend. Isn't this better.

Three differences between the US and England 1. They speak English and we don't 2. When they have a World Series, they invite the world. 3. When you meet the head of state in England you are only asked to get on one knee.

Place an ad in the newspaper asking people if they have seen UFOs, Elvis, etc. and list your roomates phone number. Nothing like talking to people who have seen UFOs to fill a week.

We all understood that we would not be in 1st from May to October. Being swept by the Jays is a great test for Ozzie and how he stops a 3 game skid. I will be keenly interested in Tuesday's line up, strategy during the first few innings, how loose or tight the club is. He has Mark out on the mound, days of rest, basically a clean canvas to work with. This is so exciting.

Then should we tell people with too low IQs not to have kids? Cub fans? Genetic problems that may or may not happen? Living in too poor an area, or too high a crime rate? Perhaps if they are both in high stress, highly involved careers and will have to let nannys care for the kids? Or is it just for financial reasons? How long should they demonstrate the ability to earn a living? A month, a year, three years? What do we do if she get's preganant? Does this mean with each other? Can she have a child with a gut who can support her and can he have a child with someone else?

I forget which Baldwin brother is this? Isn't he the one that was in Virus? Damn I can never get them straight. Good for James. I always liked the way he went about his business.

Mine sucked. Sewer backup at the house, couldn't get a plumber out until this morning. Sox swept; my PTCs didn't play 2/3 games Mother's Day gift didn't arrive in time Lawn Mower broke But I am certain others had better weekends. And if you had a so so weekend, doesn't it sound better than mine?

I guess if kids spend too much time playing video games they can't figure out oral sex for themselves? We need a government program? How about a list of ways the government could promote oral sex. 1. A commemorative postage stamp 2. Elect a President that enjoys, (oops, that's already been done)

Damn, I had Sheila as my PTC

PA? Do you have the legs for a skirt?

Link I couldn't make this up. More at the link.

Nice pic of McCain. He's smiling because he figures to be the GOP nominee as soon as this prisoner abuse debacle destroys a Presidency.

Cub game Each and every time. Unless they lose in the ninth blowing a big lead

Jump in anytime. The more the merrier. When we as citizens begin making excuses for "our party" and try and place blame for "the other party" we are forgetting that we are all Americans and we need to demand that all of our elected officials act. Nuke's President, and mine, President Clinton could have had him. Clinton decided against breaking International and US law. Perhaps Bush would have broken the law. Certainly Reagan did with the Contras.

The Astros are my #2 team, mostly because I can get their games on TV. He's a certain HoF and a great club house guy.

May 4 Archive Freedom of speech is seldom free. Sometimes we fret here that someone might not like what we have to say. Others believe killing someone who makes statements we disagree with is ok.

Remember Gulf War 1? Iraqi soldiers were defecting, tossing down their weapons, and begging US Soldiers to capture them. Do you think after the world sees how we treated these POW, enemy soldiers will be as eager to throw down their weapons? These handfull of soldiers just increased the risk to every US soldier.