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In an effort to start a thread that people won't fight about....

 

What's your type of cheese? Or are you lactose intolerant? Not into that dairy stuff?

 

 

 

I think we may have had a thread started on this by me before, but hey, humor me. I'm eating a cheese sammich right now.

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Ah, I can’t bear to pour my heart out here about my cheese preferences, only to discover that no one shares them, or at least responds in kind. I already learned my lesson on the music and film threads.

 

Okay. Just a very few. The availability of great cheeses in this country has changed so much for the better in the last decade.

 

Hubbardston Blue – a divine U.S. goat cheese

Taleggio

Brie de Meaux

Gratte-Paille

Alsatian Munster

Saint Marcellin

Saint Felician

Roquefort

Stilton

Shropshire Blue

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Behold the Power of Cheese.

 

Good Morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!

Ah, thank you, my good man.

What can I do for you, Sir?

Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

Peckish, sir?

Esuriant.

Eh?

'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!

Ah, hungry!

In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

Come again?

I want to buy some cheese!

Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!

Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Sorry?

'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

So he can go on playing, can he?

Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.

Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.

I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.

Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.

Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?

Sorry, sir.

Red Windsor?

Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Ah. Stilton?

Sorry.

Ementhal? Gruyere?

No.

Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.

No.

Lipta?

No.

Lancashire?

No.

White Stilton?

No.

Danish Brew?

No.

Double Goucester?

No.

Cheshire?

No.

Dorset Bluveny?

No.

Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?

No.

Camenbert, perhaps?

Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.

You do! Excellent.

Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

Oh, I like it runny.

Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France!

Mmmwah! I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

I don't care how bloody runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Oooooohhhhh...!

What now?

The cat's eaten it.

Has he?

She, sir.

Gouda?

No.

Edam?

No.

Case Ness?

No.

Smoked Austrian?

No.

Japanese Sage Darby?

No, sir.

You...do have some cheese, don't you?

Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got. . .

No no. . . don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Fair enough.

Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.

Yes?

Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.

Greek Feta?

Uh, not as such.

Uuh, Gorgonzola?

No.

Parmesan?

No.

Mozarella?

No.

Paper Cramer?

No.

Danish Bimbo?

No.

Czech Sheep's Milk?

No.

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

Not today, sir, no.

Aah, how about Cheddar?

Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Not much Ch- it's the single most popular cheese in the world!

Not 'round here, sir.

And what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?

'Illchester, sir.

IS it.

Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire.

Is it.

It's our number one best seller, sir!

I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?

Right, sir.

All right. Okay. Have you got any? . . . obviously expecting 'no'

I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnno.

It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

Finest in the district!

Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Well, it's so clean, sir!

It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....

You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.

Would it be worth it?

Could be...

Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!

Told you sir...

Have. . . you. . .  got. . .  any. . .  Limburger?

No.

Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me.

Yessir.

Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?

Yes, sir.

Really?

No. Not really, sir.

You haven't.

Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.

Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Righto, sir.

[customer shoots the owner]

What a senseless waste of human life.

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Muenster is a bastard cheese.

Dunno if you mean it is bad, good or lacks legitimacy. But--

 

American-made Muenster is a totally different beast from the European varieties. For that matter, the German Münster can’t hold a candle to the world’s best – Munster from the Alsace region of France.

 

If you really do like great cheese, stop in a specialty shop or someplace like Whole Foods which these days has some amazing cheeses always in stock, and request they cut you a sample to taste. Some brands I’ve seen available are made by Marcillat and l’Ermitage, but French (Alsatian) Munster is name protected so you’ll always get the real thing no matter who the producer is. And if it turns out you don't like it - well, you haven't wasted a penny. :cheers

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QUOTE(Mercy! @ Dec 22, 2005 -> 12:15 PM)
Dunno if you mean it is bad, good or lacks legitimacy.  But--

 

American-made Muenster is a totally different beast from the European varieties.  For that matter, the German Münster can’t hold a candle to the world’s best – Munster from the Alsace region of France.

 

If you really do like great cheese, stop in a specialty shop or someplace like Whole Foods which these days has some amazing cheeses always in stock, and request they cut you a sample to taste.  Some brands I’ve seen available are made by Marcillat and l’Ermitage, but French (Alsatian) Munster is name protected so you’ll always get the real thing no matter who the producer is.  And if it turns out you don't like it - well, you haven't wasted a penny.  :cheers

 

Nah, I just like demeaning Jason.

 

Never actually had muenster. I guess I need to get out more.

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...Roaring Forties -- blue cheese from Tasmania....

Yes! I like that very much; it is (usually) great. Last time I had some, it was not so good. Don’t know what the problem was. Maybe just a seasonal thing about the cows being out and able to graze versus being in the barns. Although I wouldn’t think that would be such an issue in a climate as temperate as Tasmania’s.

 

Anyway, people here will appreciate this I know. At my local Whole Foods, they label the Roaring 40's cheese as being from “King’s” Island, when, in fact, it should be "King" Island, Tasmania. Although I’ve pointed this out to them a time or two in the past couple of years, they’ve never changed the labeling. :rolly :rolly If they roll their eyes, though, they’re always careful to do it behind my back.

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