WilliamTell Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) These threads have been around before and I made one nearly 4 years ago as an 18 year old. The advice really helped then, but now as a 22 year old, it seems I still am clueless with the female sex. When I was a senior in high school there was a freshman girl that liked me a lot. She was borderline obsessed about me which I didn't like, but liked at the same time. I didn't want to get involved with her because I thought 18 and 15 was too big of a difference even though I thought there was a possiblility that something great could come out of it. Then not too long after I graduated she started dating a guy and I was angry at myself for not trying to take our friendship to the next level. I grew to accept not being in a relationship with her and I got in to a few of my own over the next 3 years, but she was always on my mind. I didn't talk to her very much after I graduated from high school. Maybe a few times a year in 2005 and 2006. In 2007 I didn't talk to her a lot, but started talking to her more once the school year started and she had gone off to college. Eventually and her and her boyfriend broke up in November and a month later I decided to send her a message about how I felt about her. It ended up being a big mistake and I regret sending it because it freaked her that I could still like her for this long. She said she didn't understand how I could since we rarely talked anymore and didn't know each other. Unfortunately for me she said she didn't have any feelings for me and was "unsure" if she ever did. When January and February came, we started talking more frequently, maybe once a week or so. When spring break started she wanted to know if we were going to hangout at all over break, since we had talked about it a couple of times in January. I was surprised she sent me a message and we ended up having a group outing last Wednesday. It was fun to hangout because that was the first time we've hungout before, we had talked at school and at graduation parties over the past couple of years but hanging out. The bad part seemed to be that I could tell she didn't have feelings for me anymore, at least she didn't act like she did. After that long story, what I'd like to know is if I should give up thinking of a relationship or not. It's so hard for me to give up after all of this progression over the last few months. I know I want a relationship with this girl not because of her looks, she's a nice looking girl, but I want it because of her personality, her values, and she's just a goofball which I really like in her. It seems to be as if she only wants to be friends instead. But I know if I keep trying and hoping for a relationship I'll more than likely hurt myself. I was a fool for not trying for her 4 years ago, it looks like if I keep trying for her now I could be a fool again. We also go to different schools, she goes to Iowa State and I go to Northern Iowa. Thanks for reading. Edited March 24, 2008 by WilliamTell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHizzle85 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I'd play it by ear and see how it goes. I was in a similar situation in high school. I didn't take advantage of the opportunity and sometimes I wonder if I should have, we'll still talk every once in a while but I doubt she still has the feelings she once had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanOfCorn Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) OK...here's the deal. She liked you and you didn't like her (and the difference between 18 and 15 is A LOT different than the difference between 22 and 18). You wouldn't want to be THAT GUY that takes your HIGH SCHOOL sophomore girlfriend to a frat party. I knew some of those guys...and, um, yikes. I agree with Hizzle...but to me it sounds like you want her because you can't have her. Y'know, just hang out with her...but you are going to have to figure one thing out...what's more important: Your friendship with this woman OR Having a serious relationship with this woman... Because it doesn't seem like you are going to be able to do both. Good luck. And I would say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, you are still young, etc. etc...but then I saw you live in Iowa.... Edited March 24, 2008 by CanOfCorn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WilliamTell Posted March 25, 2008 Author Share Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) haha thanks both of you. Yeah I think a big portion of it is wanting what I can't have. She's really matured in 3 years and I think I have to. So in some ways we might be 2 different people now. As far as a friendship or relationship, I've thought about this as well. Part of me wishes she'd see another guy just so I can move on and try to be friends with her, but I'm worried that the same thing will happen where we don't talk, possibly for good. Of course the whole decide between friends or more is mute if she doesn't want anything more and that's how it is right now. Yeah your Iowa comment is funny, and it has some truth to it too. Edited March 25, 2008 by WilliamTell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitewashed in '05 Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 Never tell a girl how much you like her unless you're already in a relationship. The same thing happens all the time, they freak out. Especially if you drop the love bomb. Then they'll just stop talking to you. Next time you feel this way about a girl and you are in a similar position, (you're not in a relationship) then the best way to approach it is to flirt and/or hang out together. If she still doesn't take hints, flirting with other girls in front of her can make her jealous and try to win you. My advice would be to hang out with her in those group outings and if you feel good about it ask her out alone. Just feel her out from now on. You always have to remember, there are tons of girls out there don't be bummed about one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 You like the shadow she is casting. Eventually, you have to step out of the shadow and see the real her, and she sees you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(Texsox @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 08:56 PM) You like the shadow she is casting. Eventually, you have to step out of the shadow and see the real her, and she sees you. I think Tex just called her fat or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WilliamTell Posted March 25, 2008 Author Share Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) QUOTE(Texsox @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 07:56 PM) You like the shadow she is casting. Eventually, you have to step out of the shadow and see the real her, and she sees you. That's deep, I like it though. WhiteWashed, that also makes sense. haha I would've thought I would've learned not to tell someone how much I like them like that in high school but if I did I didn't remember it. Edited March 25, 2008 by WilliamTell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrunkBomber Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 It sounds like youre very interested in her for the right reasons so I honestly wouldnt give up quite yet. No matter what happens youre gonna be hurt if you have to make the decision to give up on her. I would play it completely different though. You have to come across as if youve moved on first and foremost. She will be very curious what changed your feelings and she may even try to play the game back at you. I would even go as far as to say flirt with her friends or even get one of their numbers and try to talk to them casually and that will really make her think. Since you know her well enough I would say try to portray yourself as a person she would think highly of but keep an edge and create some kind of mystery that will keep her interest. Girls that age are hot and cold so often that you may be in a lose/lose situation but it wont hurt to try and if you dont you may regret it for a while. I would honestly just say when youre around her make her feel like her or anyone else around you is lucky to be in your company and just be very deliberate in your actions and always show confidence without coming across as cocky. Then if she starts to come around after a while act as if youre letting your guard down around her and show her a glimpse of the side of you she may have liked when you were in high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxAce Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(Whitewashed in '05 @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 07:55 PM) Never tell a girl how much you like her unless you're already in a relationship. The same thing happens all the time, they freak out. Especially if you drop the love bomb. Then they'll just stop talking to you. Next time you feel this way about a girl and you are in a similar position, (you're not in a relationship) then the best way to approach it is to flirt and/or hang out together. If she still doesn't take hints, flirting with other girls in front of her can make her jealous and try to win you. My advice would be to hang out with her in those group outings and if you feel good about it ask her out alone. Just feel her out from now on. You always have to remember, there are tons of girls out there don't be bummed about one. Preach bro. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowand44 Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 Stop being so nice to her and be a jackass. Seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyyle23 Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(Rowand44 @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 09:12 PM) Stop being so nice to her and be a jackass. Seriously. that trick only works if you go to the same school. If she has to see you all the time she can put up with you being a jackass. If you call her and you are a jackass, she will hang up and wont answer the phone anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowand44 Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(kyyle23 @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 09:31 PM) that trick only works if you go to the same school. If she has to see you all the time she can put up with you being a jackass. If you call her and you are a jackass, she will hang up and wont answer the phone anymore. You win this round. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddy Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 exactly. just dont talk to her/call her AGAIN. if you want her you have to make her think you dont. obviously now she knows you're still into her so she'll think about you every now and then - when she realizes you haven't called or talked to her in a long time she'll think it's strange and contact you. when she does play aloof. keep it short and disinterested. you've both already shown you want what you can't have - just play the game again - but this time on your terms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyyle23 Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(Rowand44 @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 09:35 PM) You win this round. LMAO, next round on me. Are you staying in C'dale over Summer? Im gonna be down for a wedding May 22nd - 26th, my buddy is getting married. There will be much drinking and debauchery leading up to, through, and afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nitetrain8601 Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) Edit Ignore her. Pretend like you're using her just to get to her friend. In fact, get her friends' number, lose it and go ask the girl you like for her friends number. Say you lost it, which is true. The reason why you get it first from her is so when you ask her friend, you don't seem like a stalker. As soon as the girl you like gives it to you, she'll call her best friend to verify if you two are talking to each other. Once it's confirmed, she will get jealous and wonder why you are now trying to get with the friend. Worst case scenario, you end up with her friend. Edited March 25, 2008 by nitetrain8601 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 "I got a question: if you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddy Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(nitetrain8601 @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 09:49 PM) Edit Ignore her. Pretend like you're using her just to get to her friend. In fact, get her friends' number, lose it and go ask the girl you like for her friends number. Say you lost it, which is true. The reason why you get it first from her is so when you ask her friend, you don't seem like a stalker. As soon as the girl you like gives it to you, she'll call her best friend to verify if you two are talking to each other. Once it's confirmed, she will get jealous and wonder why you are now trying to get with the friend. Worst case scenario, you end up with her friend. damn i liked your old post better. made me feel special about myself... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanOfCorn Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(FlaSoxxJim @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 10:11 PM) "I got a question: if you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?" By choice, man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamshack Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 Hah. Honestly, DO NOT try to get on her friend...you seem WAY too sensitive to try and pull that move off.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddy Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(iamshack @ Mar 24, 2008 -> 10:44 PM) Hah. Honestly, DO NOT try to get on her friend...you seem WAY too sensitive to try and pull that move off.... i agree. there's playing the game and then there's being a douche. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WilliamTell Posted March 25, 2008 Author Share Posted March 25, 2008 I might be coming off as more sensitive about it than I really am. And I'm probably making it sound like a bigger deal than it actually is. I think it comes down to I regret not trying for it a few years ago and I didn't want to make the same mistake this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 QUOTE(WilliamTell @ Mar 25, 2008 -> 01:35 AM) I might be coming off as more sensitive about it than I really am. And I'm probably making it sound like a bigger deal than it actually is. I think it comes down to I regret not trying for it a few years ago and I didn't want to make the same mistake this time. Well, you've at least made yourself known. If she wants to start something with you, she can find you...can't she? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamshack Posted March 25, 2008 Share Posted March 25, 2008 Perhaps some of the ladies that frequent our site would like to offer some advice... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.