juddling

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing! Then the phone rings...It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - nothing." "We ought to do this more often." "Yeah, well, there's just one thing...." "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" "No....." "Well, DON'T - 'cause I'm in Phoenix!!!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 1-How can you tell if your wife is dead? Sex is the same but the dishes are stacking up in the sink! 2-Definition of a wife: (B)eautiful (I)ntelligent (T)alented ©harming (H)omemaker 3-What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 5 years your job will still suck. ------------------------------------------------------------- Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; and your figure, 25." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying... "WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted."I haven't added them up yet!"

prostitutes want right to sue pimps "Along with other former prostitutes, she is trying to convince Illinois state senators to sign off on a bill that would allow current and former prostitutes to sue their pimps for emotional, physical and psychological damages in civil court." I can see the discourse from the floor now SEN: So, Shaniqua is it? Shaniqua...you are claiming that your pimp Mac Daddy Fashizzle forced you into this life??? Shaniqua: "oh no you didn't?" Sen:"What ?"

BOSTON -- Building 19, a discount store known for its quirky sales circulars, described a package of sleeveless T-shirts as "wife-beaters" in a recent sales flier. NewsCenter 5's Kelley Tuthill reported Tuesday that even store officials admitted that the flier went too far. It upset advocates for domestic violence victims. "I can't say what I thought. I know what I thought, but I can't say out loud what I thought," Jane Doe Inc. spokeswoman Mary Lauby said. The flier advertised a three-pack of men's undershirts as "wife-beaters." "That does, you know, go to numbing and dumbing down and normalizing and suggesting that battering is a normal behavior," Lauby said. Building 19 spokesman Jerry Ellis took the criticism seriously. "They were right. It was awful and I am sorry it happened," Ellis said. E-mails came into the discount store's Hingham headquarters where everyone was apologetic. "It's a slang expression, a street expression, but we should have known better not to use it. I am supposed to read every word. Sometimes it's busy or I am lazy. We are working on a retraction," Ellis said. I know just as many women who use the term "wife-beaters" as men do.

I wonder if Prior's nagging injuries have anything to do with his collision on the basepaths a while back? He hasn't been the same since then.

QUOTE(Rex Kickass @ Feb 20, 2006 -> 06:29 PM) I always thought having junk mail sent to someone's house was more of a prank then terrorism. Granted a mean prank - but I don't think that it is "terrorism." Broken windows, threats of murdering your kids? Yeah, that's not legal. I don't know that I would call it terrorism either though. If it were abortion protestors smashing the windows of abortion clinic workers houses, would is stil not be terrorism? Just asking, not accusing.

Molly and her bling very nice probably not safe for work (then again..i don't know where you work!!)

Aids or Afro...you decide???? That's what the actual HIV virus looks like." some people look for 'injustice' in the wrong places. :headshake :headshake

Is it Love???? 8th button from left is best...(if only for about 10 seconds)!!

BY GLENN THRUSH NEWSDAY WASHINGTON BUREAU February 14, 2006, 9:07 PM EST WASHINGTON -- Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton thinks White House delays in disclosing Dick Cheney's shotgun mishap are evidence of a vast West Wing conspiracy to stonewall journalists and voters. Clinton told reporters Tuesday that the nearly 24-hour lag proved the White House has a "disturbing" tendency to "withhold information" no matter what the issue. "I don't think that one incident alone tells a story, but put it all together, going back years, there's a pattern and it's a pattern that should be troubling," Clinton said during a Capitol Hill news conference criticizing the administration's handling of Hurricane Katrina. "I don't care if you're a conservative, a liberal, a Democrat, a Republican, an Independent -- the refusal of this administration to level with the American people in matters large and small is very disturbing because it goes counter to the way our constitutional democracy ... is supposed to work," she added. Republican National Committee spokesman Danny Diaz, responded later, "It seems that there's no issue above politics for New York's junior senator." After the news conference, Clinton stopped by the Senate Armed Services Committee to grill Army brass about body armor supplies and to listen to Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.) ask questions about Humvee safety. During the session, both shared a public chuckle at Cheney's expense. When one general used the expression "shooting ourselves in the gut," Kennedy interrupted to say, "I'm not sure that's a good analogy today." Clinton threw back her head and laughed so heartily it echoed through the cavernous committee room. How soon she forgets that she PERSONALLY withheld the news about Vince Foster’s “suicide” note for 30 hours, going to far as to keep it from the President, her husband. i was listening to CNN on sirius (yay sirius!) yesterday, and paula zahn made me want to punch her - TWICE -. 1. “if this was just an accident, why is Cheney so secretive?” [insert scaaaaaaaaaary music] 2. “Cheney is known to be secretive. i talked to him back [don’t remember when] in Afghanistan, for example [insert prior recording]: paula: do you know where osama is? dick: if i did, i wouldn’t talk about it.” this was her example of secrecy. Unreal!

Robert King: Evacuees brought bad attitudes, cop says Sunday, February 12, 2006 Houston police officer Robert King, a 29-year veteran, patrols the department's Fondren Division in the southwest part of the city, a rugged section with some of the city's highest crime rates. "I've met three nice people from New Orleans," King said, "out of hundreds." He said the difference between the hometown folks and the evacuees is in their demeanor. "Their attitude is not something we're used to encountering," King said. "Most of them are -- I'm trying to think of a good word -- wiseasses. Yep, wiseasses." Patrolling recently at 2 a.m., King pointed out place after place where violence had ensnarled evacuees, as victims and suspects. "They're under stress. They lost everything, and they have a temporary fix with FEMA money. But after the FEMA money runs out, what then?" King said. "I expect more robbery and more killing." He recounted a recent robbery attempt in which the gunman crept from the bushes, armed with a pistol in each hand. "My FEMA money is running out, so you're going to give me yours," King said the victim reported the robber saying. The gunman eventually was scared off by another resident and fled without getting a cent. Another evacuee, a mentally disabled teenager, made the unfortunate mistake of being in gang territory wearing a blue shirt, the color of a rival gang. "He was beaten up pretty bad," King said. As neighbors helped the bleeding teen to his feet, angry residents began emerging from their homes onto balconies and front porches. Soon, more than a hundred shouting neighbors, old residents and newcomers, had pitted themselves against each other. They gathered outside for what police thought would be a melee. "Everybody is going to have to relax. New Orleans people are not going anywhere. We are going to have to live with each other," King said, quoting from officer Zsache McNeil's impassioned speech to the crowd that night. By the end of the speech, everyone stood applauding. It was a breath of fresh air, King said. King continued his patrol early that morning. Things were slow. The cold kept street activity to a minimum. Besides the arrest of a Houston crack addict, the radio was silent. Cruising through another complex, King said a group of evacuees got into a fight with residents after having eggs thrown at them. Eggs one day, he said, fists and bullets the next. "Crime has gone up tremendously" since the evacuees arrived, officer K. Raven said. "And when you try to approach some of these guys, they act like they just don't respect us. They don't have any respect for the police." "And with rare exception," King added, "if I have to jack somebody up on the street in the middle of the night, they're from New Orleans." :headshake :headshake :headshake

House Valued Accidentally At $400 Million Creating Budget Shortfalls For City (CBS) VALPARAISO, Ind. A house erroneously valued at $400 million is being blamed for budget shortfalls and possible layoffs in municipalities and school districts in northwest Indiana. An outside user of Porter County's computer system may have triggered the mess by accidentally changing the value of the Valparaiso house, said Sharon Lippens, director of the county's information technologies and service department. The house had been valued at $121,900 before the glitch. City leaders say Porter County Auditor Sandra Vuko overvalued the home. They believe it something as simple as a typo. County Treasurer Jim Murphy said the home usually carried about $1,500 in property taxes; this year, it was billed $8 million. Lippens said her agency identified the mistake and told the county auditor's office how to correct it. But the $400 million value ended up on documents that were used to calculate tax rates. Most local officials did not learn about the mistake until Tuesday, when 18 government taxing units were asked to return a total of $3.1 million of tax money. The city of Valparaiso and the Valparaiso Community School Corp. were asked to return $2.7 million. As a result, the school system has a $200,000 budget shortfall, and the city loses $900,000. Officials struggled to figure out how the mistake got into the system and how it could have been prevented. City leaders said Thursday the error could cause layoffs and cost-cutting measures. For the city, it means some projects, like sidewalks, may be postponed in an effort to avoid job cuts. “The sky is not falling, but it’s cracked,” said Valparaiso City Administrator Bill Hanna. Lippens said the outside user changed the property value, most likely while trying to access another program while using the county's enhanced access system, which charges users a fee for access to public records that are not otherwise available on the Internet. Lippens said the user probably tried to access a real estate record display by pressing RED, but accidentally typed RER, which brought up an assessment program written in 1995. The program is no longer in use, and technology officials did not know it could be accessed. The county treasurer said his office spotted the $400 million error after it caused an improper billing, but apparently it wasn't corrected elsewhere. "It didn't get fixed all the way," Murphy said. Great Googly-Moogly.....

batman Al-Quida is about to find out about the power of the Bat. Go get them Bruce...i mean Batman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After reading the title of the thread...i figured that google halved is Goo.....

Then again...maybe we could get Ted Kennedy to drive us over to the Dick Cheney golf tournament. I heard it's a shotgun start!!!!!

Nice article...but let's get real. Bush can't even protect us from the gun-weilding VP much less snow!!!!

"Well...he's movin' on up...movin on up..to the other side. To that deluxe apartment in the sky" to you Mr. Cover

west wing star very nice indeed!!!!

notice the tie It's bad enough to be from Nebraska and be a 23 year old guy sleeping witha 14 year old abut GOOD GOD MAN.....Ditch the NASCAR tie for court!!!!!!!

QUOTE(Texsox @ Feb 7, 2006 -> 10:35 PM) Wait, the ballot was confusing, I voted Yes, but thought that meant no. Where's Governor Bush That sounds like Terry Bevington logic.... "I was saying fair when i meant foul.but he was saying foul when i thought he meant fair......."

A wise man once said "If your dog tells you he will kill an elephant for your meal....he is decieving you!" I've tried to live by those words.

kid on cherry soda This video shows why kids shoudln't drink this soda. Poor kid just trying to get his 'freak' on...lol

QUOTE(mreye @ Feb 7, 2006 -> 03:52 PM) Britney Statement I think they left off the rest of her statement. It said...... .....I mean..come on....me and Cletus...I mean Kevin and i are good parents...really!!!! I feed little Sean 3 to 4 bottles of Red Bull every day. I have my mom change his diapers regularlly, and just the other day he said his first words "Jessica Simpson is a no-talent b****!" Yes...i will admit, upon his birth i did tie the red string around his wrist a bit too tight but the doctors say the color will return to his hand any day now. I must go now..i'm running late for my parenting class with Madonna. She's teaching me how to raise my kid in a "normal" household. Thank you all very much.

check this out take this for what it's worth......

Personally...i think that if Muslims want to EVER be taken seriously by the rest of the world, they need to get a thicker skin and not resort to violence at EVERY percieved slight.

democratic family album