The Critic

If it was anybody else, I'd be laughing, but I can't stand that attention-starved phony camera hog Mark Grace. That guy is one of the bigger pieces of s*** in MLB. A complete fake, and always was.

I'M IN!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, my sister got the call, and I'm using her 4th ticket. Going with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew. Upper deck boxes, but still.... Can't wait to see if Corky McBatstuffer brings an "entertainment bat" to the HR Derby - if he's even INVITED after the mess he made for himself!!! Only thing I'm gonna miss is the Fan Fair - gotta work that day ( my sister chose an 11 am entry time - oh well......... ).

This raises an interesting question - IF JM were to get fired, do you think that the sox would be better off having it be noticed, or be a "blip on the screen"? Personally, I want it to be the ONLY Chicago sports news item of the day. I want them to send a message to the players saying, NOW it's on you. You've gotten hitting coaches fired, pitching coaches fired, and NOW a manager fired. There's no one left to blame but YOU. Which is not true, of course ( KW and JR ) but the message will come out that way. What do you think?

Apparently, I'm not the only one who had this idea: http://www.cafeshops.com\corkfest2003 ...to be fair, I didn't think of the We Got Wood panties, or the Sammy's Whine hats!!!

Maybe they'd just rather crack it open now!

I have another good t-shirt idea: On the Front: WE GOT WOOD.... On the Back: ...AND CORK!!!

I would definitely bring some tape and a bunch of corks from wine bottles, then buy a little Cubby souvenir bat and stick the corks all over it. Then hold it up and yell, "I found a bat if you need one, Sammy!!!!" BTW, ESPN is already planning something on Sosa for their Outside The Lines Nightly on Wednesday night. The lovable teddy bear image is now tarnished. And was his weak-ass "batting practice bat" excuse the worst ever??? "Cork beeeen berry berry goo too meeeee!" SAY IT AIN'T LOADED, SAMMY!!!!

"Peter Gammons is a brain-dead, wrinkled gerbil" - The Critic :fyou Grampa McCartney, aka Peter Gammons

From the outside it looks like someone dropped a toilet into Soldier Field. They should have used the columns to support a walkway from the parking lot to the new stadium. Maybe have a Bears Hall Of Fame along the walkway. Anything other than trying to incorporate old into new - it just didn't work. Aesthetically awful. The inside seems pretty nice. Wonder how bad the wind is gonna swirl in that place?

THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!! I have finally figured out how the season can be saved!!!!! All we need is for the Sox games to keep getting rained out, and for Minny and KC to keep losing!!! Then the SOX will gain ground, 1/2 game by 1/2 game, until......................A.L. CENTRAL DIVISION CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!! Wait a minute.............they'd have to play the rainouts, though, wouldn't they? DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This should be an easy one, cuz hardly anyone sings about girls.......let me think...................girl..........girl................nope, I'll have to get back to you later!

One a day...............to your health!! Everyone should make a daily Soxtalk post part of your Internet Regularity Plan! It only takes a minute, and it feels SOOOOOOOOO good! You don't even have to say anything remotely coherent!! It doesn't matter!! Just POST, babeeeeee!!!!!

I can't wait for the Krakow-Barcelona NBA finals coming up any day now! Are they going to move the start times on the Finals to like 3AM so they'll be on in prime time in the booming global markets, too? I really really couldn't care less about basketball - it's a DISTANT fourth out of the 4 "major" sports to me. I like when there's a hated dynasty so I can cheer for them. I gladly accepted this season's Laker exit after the past three years of gleeful chuckling when the Smuggest Of The Smug held up the trophy.

Are the Bungles the chicken and Matthews the egg, or vice versa? Alternate headline: "Loser signs with Losers"

I don't put a number on when I want to go. I figure that I'd like to check out when every part of life becomes work. When breathing hurts, and walking hurts, and getting up from bed takes a half-hour, and I need my food processed cuz I can't chew the s***, and going to the bathroom becomes a team sport....check, please. I don't know what's "out there", but at that point, it has to be better than the daily grind.

Howard Stern and Mancow ( among countless others ) have made VERY lucrative careers out of just this kind of conversation. Frightening, no?

Why 473? Am I missing something? He apparently doesn't want his daughter partying, eh? They're all the same. Exactly......my daughter can party all she wants....if SHE pays for her own education!! I just don't want her pissing away MY money!!!

Well, the smart-asses on SportsCenter have struck again. Playing off of Magglio's "we stink" comment, they showed the highlights of last night's game with a Sox "Stink-O-Meter" in the lower right corner of the screen. When Jimenez tried to stretch a single into a double, the Stink-O-Meter went higher. Of course, the Sox played well last night, so the stupid little segment lost a little of its intended comedic punch. It really wasn't very funny. In my opinion, they're really trying too hard on SportsCenter lately. It's starting to look more like a bad sketch comedy show than a sports recap program. I have no problem with smart-ass jokes about sports, but at least make it funny...

No. It means shes a horny young girl. That answer just asks another question: Is getting patted on the ass by a horny young girl a bad thing??? I think the answer to both questions depends on a few things: 1. Where were you when the ass-pat occured? Was it just out of the blue, like at the store or church? That's a bad thing. At a club or sporting event, that might be a little more "acceptable" for some reason. 2. What did the ass-patter look like? If a hot chick grabs you, then it's a good thing. If she looks like Rosie O'Donnell, then HANDS OFF MY CRAPPER, YOU GIANT BEAR!!! And of course, if you're married, you better just leave that whole thing alone!!! Once you're married, "YO ASS BELONG TO SOMEBODY!!!"

Very funny, but a crappy page design indeed!!

And the fact that you went there is the ONLY secret the Catholic Church is eager to hang on to!! "You know, Father, let them find out about the kid-molesting if you have to, but NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW that MauryPinStripes is a product of our educational system!!! It would RUIN US!!!!"

When my daughter goes to college, I'm making damn sure she goes to whatever school ranked #473 on the Top Party School list! ( and I'm only settling for #473 if they have a good graduation rate and career placement, too!! )

The Onion ROCKS!!! It's funny EVERY WEEK!! Favorites are Herbert Kornfeld ( H-Dawg ) and Jim Anchower.

C'mon, Maury, if you stopped talking about everything you didn't understand, all that would be left for you to talk about is BEER!!!

Will could make almost any skit funny just by being in it! I guess it was time for him to leave, but it's a shame, because I just don't see him making any movies worth seeing. Now Chris Kattan is leaving SNL....no big loss there....