News travels fast in a small town, eh?

You know what's weird? Tommorow's paper arrived 15 minutes ago.

QUICK - go play the lottery tonight and share the money you win with us for giving you the idea.

It's a morning paper (I should know, I work there) but we typically get it like at 7 AM.

 

Last night it got here at 11:30.

I'm performing (guitar/singing) live in front of an audience for the first time ever tonight. It's just an open mike night and I'm still nervous.

 

I'll be performing under the pseudonym of "Stereo Mic"

I'm performing (guitar/singing) live in front of an audience for the first time ever tonight. It's just an open mike night and I'm still nervous.

 

I'll be performing under the pseudonym of "Stereo Mic"

 

2 shots, 30 mins. prior and you'll be aaight.

The Colbert Report has very much come into its own. When it first started, I found myself unable to watch beyond the Word. Now that the show has settled down somewhat, it's gotten a lot funnier.

 

His ears kinda distract me sometimes...

He is deaf in one of them.

Steven Colbert? Really?

I'm performing (guitar/singing) live in front of an audience for the first time ever tonight. It's just an open mike night and I'm still nervous.

 

I'll be performing under the pseudonym of "Stereo Mic"

 

Smash your guitar after you're done. It'll kill.

 

Break a leg!

Steven Colbert? Really?

 

According to da Wiki.

 

Colbert is deaf in his right ear, as he has no ear drum in his right ear. "I always wanted to be a marine biologist ... but then I had this ear problem. I have no ear drum. (Flicks his ear.) So I had this operation at the Medical University when I was a kid. Now I can't get my head wet. I mean, I can, but I can't really scuba dive or anything like that. So that killed my marine biology hopes."[21] He once joked to The New Yorker that "I had this weird tumor as a kid, and they scooped it out with a melon baller."[22] On March 16, 2006, Colbert featured a review from Orlando Sentinel columnist Commander Coconut in his "Who's Attacking Me Now?" segment. The review stated that Coconut was unable to pay attention to anything but Colbert's ears, as his right one sticks out slightly. In a call to Coconut regarding the review, Colbert stated that the doctor also noticed it stuck out slightly when he pulled the tumor out. Colbert continued his diatribe for several minutes to the growing mortification of Coconut. After the replay of the phone conversation, however, Colbert stated that he had not in fact had a tumor in his ear.

How am I suposed to react when somebody tells me that I can't stand up and piss in their house? My boss today told me "When you are in my house, you don't do that s***. You sit down and piss. Those little particles get all over my house and make it smell like s*** when you do that s***"

How am I suposed to react when somebody tells me that I can't stand up and piss in their house? My boss today told me "When you are in my house, you don't do that s***. You sit down and piss. Those little particles get all over my house and make it smell like s*** when you do that s***"

 

laugh. ask if he's joking. if not, sit down to piss or don't piss at his house...

Edited June 17, 200619 yr by Goldmember

laugh. ask if he's joking. if not, sit down to piss or don't piss at his house...

He was being dead serious. He's a crazy foreigner that moved to the US about 10 years ago.

Well, for starters, I wouldn't call him a crazy foreigner.

Well, for starters, I wouldn't call him a crazy foreigner.

If you only knew him. He's a great guy, just does things very differently than you and I.

URGENT - CHILD AMBER alert

IOWA DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFTEY

RELAYED BY NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DES MOINES IA

548 PM CDT SUN JUN 18 2006

 

******************************************************

 

IOWA

 

******** AMBER alert ********

 

****** PLEASE BROADCAST IMMEDIATELY ******

 

******************************************************

 

ABDUCTION INFORMATION

 

DATE ABDUCTED: JUNE 18TH...2006

 

TIME ABDUCTED: 100 PM

 

LOCATION OF ABDUCTION: LEMARS...IA

 

DIRECTION OF TRAVEL/DESTINATION:

 

IOWA AND ILLINOIS

 

CHILD INFORMATION: TWO FEMALE JUVINILES AGES 16 AND 17

 

***************************************************************************

 

SUSPECT VEHICLE

 

COLOR: GREEN YEAR: 1997 MAKE: PONTIAC

 

MODEL: SUNFIRE STYLE: 2 DOOR

 

OTHER CHARACTERISTICS: PINK FLOWEREY LIGHTNING STRIKE DECALS ON DOORS

 

LICENSE PLATE & STATE OF ISSUANCE: 789PSQ IOWA

 

***************************************************************************

 

CHILD INFORMATION

 

NAME: JANET FRANCES HAUGEN

 

RACE: WHITE

 

GENDER: FEMALE

 

AGE: 17

 

HEIGHT: 5 FEET 9 INCHES

 

WEIGHT: 130 POUNDS

 

HAIR: BLACK

 

EYES: HAZEL

 

OTHER: LONG DARK HAIR WITH BLOND STREAK

 

CLOTHING:

 

SHIRT/BLOUSE: UNKNOWN

 

PANTS/SKIRT/JEANS/SHORTS: SHORTS - COLOR UNKNOWN

 

SHOES: SANDALS

 

OUTERWEAR AND HEADWEAR:

 

***************************************************************************

 

CHILD INFORMATION

 

NAME: CHASSA MARIE NORRIS

 

RACE: WHITE

 

GENDER: FEMALE

 

AGE: 16

 

HEIGHT: 5 FEET 9 INCHES

 

WEIGHT: 116 POUNDS

 

HAIR: BROWN

 

EYES: HAZEL

 

OTHER:

 

CLOTHING:

 

SHIRT/BLOUSE: UNKNOWN

 

PANTS/SKIRT/JEANS/SHORTS: UNKNOWN

 

SHOES: UNKNOWN

 

OUTERWEAR AND HEADWEAR: UNKNOWN

 

***************************************************************************

 

ABDUCTOR INFORMATION

 

NAME: NATHAN JOHN HEMMINGSEN

 

RACE: WHITE

 

GENDER: MALE

 

AGE: 19

 

HEIGHT: 5 FEET 7 INCHES

 

WEIGHT: 165 POUNDS

 

HAIR: BLACK

 

EYES: BROWN

 

OTHER:

 

BUSHY DARK HAIR USUALLY WEARS A BALL CAP

 

CLOTHING:

 

SHIRT/BLOUSE: UNKNOWN

 

PANTS/SKIRT/JEANS/SHORTS: UNKOWN

 

SHOES: UNKNOWN

 

OUTERWEAR AND HEADWEAR:

 

***************************************************************************

 

CONTACT INFORMATION

 

DEPARTMENT: LEMARS POLICE DEPARTMENT

 

CONTACT PERSON: OFFICER JUSTIN DAALE

 

TELEPHONE NUMBER: 712-546-4113

 

FAX NUMBER: 712-548-4344

 

MEDIA CONTACT NUMBER: 712-546-4113

 

PRESS BRIEFING DATE/TIME/LOCATION:

 

AGENCY CASE NUMBER:

 

AUTHORITY: CAPTAIN TODD MISEL IOWA STATE PATROL DES MOINES

 

***************************************************************************

 

****** ALL ABDUCTORS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED DANGEROUS

How am I suposed to react when somebody tells me that I can't stand up and piss in their house? My boss today told me "When you are in my house, you don't do that s***. You sit down and piss. Those little particles get all over my house and make it smell like s*** when you do that s***"

 

You ask him why his piss smells like s*** and not piss?

Straight out of the "Its a small world" category of life...

 

OK My Dad's side of the family are Gresham's, and my moms are Lind's, now pay attention as this is kinda important.

 

My mom is a nurse, and has worked at various nursing homes for about 20 years now. The latest place she has been working at, she takes care of a 86 year old second cousin of my dads. My parents divorced over 20 years ago, but my mom kept the Gresham name to minimize problems related to having a different name than her kids. The old guy instantly catches on to the fact that they have the same last name, and they become friends. Saturday mom goes into work, and sees the old guys family with him, so she goes over and introduces himself. She no sooner gets her name out, than the guy's son saids "You are Swede's daughter aren't you?" Swede was the nickname for my grandpa on my moms side (her dad). It turns out that my Grandpa Lind trained this particular Gresham at the South Shore railroad as an electrician on the lines. They worked together for about 15 years, and when my Grandpa retired because of lung cancer, he took over his position as head of the department. Basically the guys who worked the lines were like a family, so he remembered my mom and her two sisters from when they were little, and has a bunch of pictures from working with my Grandpa Lind, plus a bunch of pictures of my Grandpa Gresham, and the rest of that side of the family, and he is going to bring them in next time he visits his dad, for my mom to see.

 

Wild stuff.

Straight out of the "Its a small world" category of life...

 

OK My Dad's side of the family are Gresham's, and my moms are Lind's, now pay attention as this is kinda important.

 

My mom is a nurse, and has worked at various nursing homes for about 20 years now. The latest place she has been working at, she takes care of a 86 year old second cousin of my dads. My parents divorced over 20 years ago, but my mom kept the Gresham name to minimize problems related to having a different name than her kids. The old guy instantly catches on to the fact that they have the same last name, and they become friends. Saturday mom goes into work, and sees the old guys family with him, so she goes over and introduces himself. She no sooner gets her name out, than the guy's son saids "You are Swede's daughter aren't you?" Swede was the nickname for my grandpa on my moms side (her dad). It turns out that my Grandpa Lind trained this particular Gresham at the South Shore railroad as an electrician on the lines. They worked together for about 15 years, and when my Grandpa retired because of lung cancer, he took over his position as head of the department. Basically the guys who worked the lines were like a family, so he remembered my mom and her two sisters from when they were little, and has a bunch of pictures from working with my Grandpa Lind, plus a bunch of pictures of my Grandpa Gresham, and the rest of that side of the family, and he is going to bring them in next time he visits his dad, for my mom to see.

 

Wild stuff.

 

That is all kinds of cool. Neat when you uncover intertwined generations of families like that.

83 degrees outside? Sheeeeit, it feels like 90 downtown!

Went to Northerly Island for a concert Saturday night... ... that place is one hellofa venue. Not a bad seat in the house. Small and intimate. Highly recommended.

I feel like watching The Karate Kid. Too bad it's not on TV nor do I own it.

 

Sweep the leg!

I feel like watching The Karate Kid. Too bad it's not on TV nor do I own it.

 

Sweep the leg!

YOU'RE THE BEST AROUND, NOTHING CAN EVER KEEP YA DOWN

Went to Northerly Island for a concert Saturday night... ... that place is one hellofa venue. Not a bad seat in the house. Small and intimate. Highly recommended.

 

I keep hearing good things about it. I snoozed on the Black Crowes show.

Who'd you see?