Well, in one I read, this dude wanted to, uh, "pleasure" himself, do he decided to use a vacuum tube, hoping the suction would provide some excitement. Well, he stuck it up there, but there was one problem: He didn't know that the suction was caused by a metal blade. So, he ended losing a 1/2 inch off his penis.
Hey, I just ended a post with 'penis'! Oh well, not anymore.