BigSqwert Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 This dude might be a Soxtalk member. LINK Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet HAZEL PARK, MI—In a statement made to reporters earlier this afternoon, local idiot Brandon Mylenek, 26, announced that at approximately 2:30 a.m. tonight, he plans to post an idiotic comment beneath a video on an Internet website. "Later this evening, I intend to watch the video in question, click the 'reply' link above the box reserved for user comments, and draft a response, being careful to put as little thought into it as possible, while making sure to use all capital letters and incorrect punctuation," Mylenek said. "Although I do not yet know exactly what my comment will entail, I can say with a great degree of certainty that it will be incredibly stupid." Mylenek, who rarely in his life has been capable of formulating an idea or opinion worth the amount of oxygen required to express it, went on to guarantee that the text of his comment would be misspelled to the point of incomprehension, that it would defy the laws of both logic and grammar, and that it would allege that several elements of the video are homosexual in nature. "The result will be an astonishing combination of ignorance, offensiveness, and sheer idiocy," Mylenek said. According to the idiot, he will become incensed at the quality and sentiment of the comments already posted below the video—which will include such replies as "not great, nice try tho," "FIRSTIES!!!" and "wtf?? lol so random." At this point, Mylenek said, he will feel a deep, unwavering desire to offer a dissenting opinion, which he has hinted will include the words "gay" and "reatrd" [sic]. "It is my moral obligation to alert the Internet community to the fact that this video is totally gay, and furthermore, that the individual who made it is a f**," Mylenek said. Pressed for further details regarding his intended post, Mylenek, who will comment under the Internet pseudonym "xblingdaddy2005x," revealed that there is a strong possibility he will inadvertently post the comment twice. "After clicking the 'submit' button, I will immediately refresh the page so that I can view my own comment. I will then notice that my comment has not appeared because the server has not yet processed my request, become angry and confused, and re-post the same comment with unintentional variations on the original wording and misspellings, creating two slightly different yet equally moronic comments," he said. "It is my hope that this will illustrate both my childlike level of impatience and my inability to replicate a simple string of letters and symbols 30 seconds after having composed it." Mylenek confirmed rumors that he will be momentarily sidetracked by another inane task while drafting his comment. The distraction is scheduled to come at 2:25 a.m. in the form of a "related video" link featuring a man being sodomized by a horse, which Mylenek will re-watch seven times and laugh obnoxiously at with his friend and fellow idiot, Steve Blanchette, 28. "Once this minor diversion is complete, I will finish posting my comment, then sit there like the worthless human being I am and wait for other commenters to respond," he added. "Because, as I mentioned before, I have nothing better to do with my life." Mylenek said he fully expects that his comment will spawn a series of replies from other idiots around the world, who will either agree with his stance, disagree with his stance, or call Mylenek himself a "d0uche" and post an irrelevant link to a separate video that they will claim to be "way funnier." According to Mylenek, this is all part of the plan. "We are blessed to be living in an age when we have a global communications network in which idiots, assholes, and total and complete wastes of f***ing human life alike can come together to give instant feedback in an unfettered and unmonitored online environment," Mylenek said. "What better way to take advantage of this incredible technology than to log onto the Internet and insult a complete stranger?" According to media critic Judy Turner, this type of behavior is not uncommon among idiots. "Brandon's comments in particular contain a degree of unoriginality and stupidity that you only see in the most muttonheaded and imbecilic Internet commenters," Turner said. "In fact, I've seen him use at least a dozen variations of the word 'gay.' Suffice it to say, Brandon Mylenek is a truly stupid, stupid idiot." Mylenek concluded his press conference with a solemn vow to uphold the awful, unintelligible, anger-inducing quality of his past Internet comments. "I promise everyone that this post will be exactly what you have come to expect from an idiot like myself," he said, "and that I will check my comment regularly so that I can call everyone who says it's stupid a f**." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YASNY Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 I think I know the one it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buehrle>Wood Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 How are you guys celebrating your last hours on earth? Yeah, that's right, the LHC gets turned on soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipps Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Just got back from a company party at Moretti's and it was just another confirmation that I work with a bunch of sluts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSqwert Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Is there a more unattractive person than... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 QUOTE (BigSqwert @ Aug 8, 2008 -> 02:06 PM) Is there a more unattractive person than... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSqwert Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Could you imagine what their kid would look like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilMonkey Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 QUOTE (Brian @ Aug 8, 2008 -> 03:15 PM) I hate you for posting that. My eyes will never be the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 QUOTE (shipps @ Aug 8, 2008 -> 02:35 PM) Just got back from a company party at Moretti's and it was just another confirmation that I work with a bunch of sluts. Uh Oh.....someone got laid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosMediasBlancas Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 QUOTE (Brian @ Aug 8, 2008 -> 02:15 PM) Her skull is ruined, but in that shot, her body doesn't look bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juddling Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 QUOTE (LosMediasBlancas @ Aug 9, 2008 -> 04:19 AM) Her skull is ruined, but in that shot, her body doesn't look bad. actually...if you see a pic of Amy before she became Amy...she was a hot curvy brunette. it only took a couple years to ruin herself into her now dead-like state Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3E8 Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 You guys clearly haven't seen pics of her lately. Compared to her now, she looks like a supermodel in the pic above Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosMediasBlancas Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I've seen em all. The old, the not so old and the current pics. She did have a hot curvy body a while back and now she is a meth head....but the skull has always been a mess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipps Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 There must be something in the air today,Iam in such a good mood and that doesnt happen very often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 QUOTE (shipps @ Aug 10, 2008 -> 07:44 AM) There must be something in the air today,Iam in such a good mood and that doesnt happen very often. It's called pot smoke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipps Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 QUOTE (Texsox @ Aug 10, 2008 -> 08:04 AM) It's called pot smoke Yeah your probably right.That would explain the unicorn and the fact I just ate 4 bags of Funions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyyle23 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 QUOTE (shipps @ Aug 10, 2008 -> 08:45 AM) Yeah your probably right.That would explain the unicorn and the fact I just ate 4 bags of Funions. pffffft, spoken like a true non smoker. Way to blow your cover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipps Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 QUOTE (kyyle23 @ Aug 10, 2008 -> 09:48 AM) pffffft, spoken like a true non smoker. Way to blow your cover I added that for the comedic value that Unicorns have.Yeah I pushed the strength of pot a little too far,but to be fair if you got that real good Jamaican stuff you might see some things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyyle23 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 (edited) QUOTE (shipps @ Aug 10, 2008 -> 09:53 AM) I added that for the comedic value that Unicorns have.Yeah I pushed the strength of pot a little too far,but to be fair if you got that real good Jamaican stuff you might see some things. I wouldnt know Edited August 10, 2008 by kyyle23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnB Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 i went engagment ring shopping this weekend. yikes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heads22 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 QUOTE (SnB @ Aug 11, 2008 -> 06:56 PM) i went engagment ring shopping this weekend. yikes. shut. up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilMonkey Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 My oldest son turned 15 today. I feel so old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I went to Medora, ND on Saturday and came back Sunday afternoon. First off, it's a neat little tourist attraction considering the second best tourist attraction in North Dakota is a giant f***ing cow. Secondly, it's North Dakota's best 1 day trip in the state because there's only enough stuff to do for 1 day and then you get bored out of your mind. There are 3 old fashioned general stores, like 7 ice cream shops, 3-4 real restaurants in town, and everything in the town is overpriced like no other. I did get to ride through Teddy Roosevelt National Park (while slightly intoxicated) and that was OK, especially the part where 10 buffaloes were standing right in the middle of the road we were driving on. I yelled at them pretty good but they seemed generally uninterested in some drunk dude's rantings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosMediasBlancas Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 QUOTE (SnB @ Aug 11, 2008 -> 06:56 PM) i went engagment ring shopping this weekend. yikes. Some advice, take someone with you who knows the jeweler. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 QUOTE (Alpha Dog @ Aug 11, 2008 -> 08:31 PM) My oldest son turned 15 today. I feel so old. Gesh, you are a youngin' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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