Kalapse

nah

Look, this may not sit well with some but I tell it like it is, given that these players are making ungodly amounts of money (we're talking millions here, folks) to play a CHILDREN'S GAME fines aren't gonna mean jackshit to these soft-palmed millennial sissies. Fining Daniel Palka a few grand for turning the wrong way on a fly ball isn't gonna make a dent in his fortnight emote spending account, the ONLY way to get through to this generation of players is a simple, time honored, glorious technique: SPANKINGS. James McCann poorly frames a pitch? Ricky slaps that ass red. Giolito fails to repeat his delivery on back to back pitches? Ricky's bent knee is waiting for him at his locker and it's not for a show of deference, it's for a dang SPANKING. Yolmer dumps a cooler of perfectly potable water over his head like some kind of psychopath (I'm positive he hasn't even read the water bill)? Buddy, you better believe that's a SPANKING.

Decent chance this poll ends up meaning nothing and I just do this instead, I already started fucking around with a Manny banner after he signed with the Padres so I'm 1/3 of the way there.

Your votes have been rescinded (ie: changed to Rodon), thank you for your honesty. You've also been banned, next time follow the fucking rules.

You know, it'd make my life a whole hell of a lot easier if you jerks would stop voting for Eloy (who has not played a major league inning and was super shitty in spring training, so likely bad) and voted for Rodon instead.

Write-ins are not allowed, your insolence has led to your votes being discounted, no more fucking around.

I did not know this, thank you. I have rectified this issue.

ONLY Pick 3, if you pick more than 3 I'll know and be very angry

Pretty sure you've posted more in the past hour than I have in the past 2 years combined, not all of us are as perpetually bored as you seem to be.

The standard reaction to all Caulfield posts.

To think, the Evan Longoria contract pretty much started this whole thing and was actually criticized at the time. 6 years, $17.5M guaranteed, 3 team options of $7.5M, $11M & $11.5M in his age 28, 29 & 30 seasons ($3M buyout in the first year, so only $14.5M paid for the first 6 years of his career) and the contract was signed after he was held down to start the year, earning the extra year of control so the options covered his last year of ARB and 2 free agent seasons. Probably the most team friendly contract in the history of baseball, Andrew Friedman was just so far ahead of the curve it's incredible, the Shields and Crawford contracts were also absolute steals and those contracts came after they established themselves as major league contributors. 14 years, $44.9M guaranteed + 8 team option years to buy out the primes of 3 of the best players of the late aughts. AND all 3 went on to get big paydays after those contracts expired, $352.6M total guaranteed on their second contracts after turning 30.

I implore you to reconsider this fine idea, I hate to break it to you but you aren't going to change shit.

Sports are extraordinarily dumb.

Thank god. Also, "swope" isn't a word.

This whole damn thing has been like looking for 2 dogs to mate, gotta find the right pairing.